A misogynist is not one who hates all women. He only hates those women who step out of line. As long as they stay in their place, he might even marry one.

A racist will always say, “I’m not a racist. I had a black friend years ago.” He really only gets angry when BIPOC eat in the wrong restaurants, drive in the wrong neighborhood, jogs through the wrong neighborhood, or are smarter, richer, and more talented than he is.

A transphobe really does hate trans people. Well, not if they dress and act and present themselves as the  “right gender”. But then they wouldn’t be trans, would they? So this one is on them…

A transphobe or a homophobe would insist that they don’t hate the person. They just hate the behavior and can’t appear as if they are condoning it.

So they won’t use the preferred pronouns. If you say, “Hey, maybe we should just love people and use their preferred pronouns” then you better have some blocking in place on your social media, because it is about to get ugly.

I’ve been thinking about these things lately.

And that, of course, leads me to thinking about love.

Other than Hugh Grant or Ricky Gervais, who freely admit it, most people don’t just come out and say “I hate everyone”.

But I have spent way too much time listening to conservative pastors warn about the dangers of loving the wrong sort of people in the wrong sort of way. My father used to say, “Sloppy agape” and chuckle at the cleverness.

And now they write about “toxic empathy” which is actually just empathy but it allows them to remain hardened and stiff-necked towards their neighbor and cover it over with a sheen of religiosity.

There was a belief system that I was nurtured in. Many of us were. Those of use who eventually tried to question it were finally run out.

The system that I am talking about is a culture disguised as Christianity. It is a culture of fear and distrust.

Archie and Edith sang the song of the culture:

Boy, the way Glenn Miller played!
Songs that made the Hit Parade.
Guys like us, we had it made.
Those were the days!
And you knew where you were then.
Girls were girls and men were men.
Mister, we could use a man like Herbert Hoover again.
Didn’t need no welfare state.
Everybody pulled his weight.
Gee, our old LaSalle ran great.
Those were the days!
source: https://www.lyricsondemand.com/a/archieandedithbunkerlyrics/thosewerethedaysallinthefamilythemelyrics.html

Yes, I’m old enough to have lived through it. I wasn’t allowed to watch the show. It was just liberal tripe. All the adults in my circles believed exactly what Archie Bunker believed and knew that they were being mocked.

But I digress.

The culture is this:

“If we love our neighbor, society will fall apart.”

Therefore, Love in the Bible must mean something different.

My dad would say “Love is the fulfilling of the law” – and what he meant by it was that if you didn’t steal from your neighbor or sleep with his wife, then you have fulfilled the law of love towards your neighbor.

I know I’m going to hear the “not everyone was like this” – and maybe you would be right. If there was someone in my church, my hometown, or my childhood that believed that schools shouldn’t be segregated, homeless people should be clothed and fed and housed, that BIPOC should be able to live peacefully in any neighborhood that they chose and people could love who they chose, they kept those views very quiet, so I never met them.

But here is what I did hear, and some of it I even believed and taught myself, to my shame.

If we love the wrong sort of people the wrong sort of way, things will fall apart completely.

Here’s how it goes:

“If we allow women to sit on committees or vote in congregational meetings, they will want to start leading the church, they will rebel against their husbands and pretty soon it becomes a woman’s club. Look at what happened to the….” (fill in the blank with a church that has women in leadership positions).

“If we have lunch with the effeminate kid (I hate that word so much) then people might think that we are gay and get the wrong idea.”

“If we listen to the kid that was raped in Sunday School, we will harm the ministry’s reputation and might never recover”

“If we let our wives vote, they might vote the opposite of the husband and cancel out his vote and his authority in the home” (These are the people that are being appointed to the cabinet next year, by the way).

“If you give that co-worker a ride to work, people might see you with her and think all sorts of bad ideas”

If you meet alone with a woman, people might think bad things about you. (I’ve written on this before).

“If you give that homeless guy a sandwich, pretty soon they will all keep coming back for more.”

“If you allow the migrant farm workers to fill their water jugs on your property, then pretty soon they will all come to fill their water jugs on your property.”

I have heard every single one of these. They were statements made publicly, for the most part. It was simply a part of our ugly culture.

But the biggest fear of all was satirized by the Bunkers. If we let men dress like women and women start acting like men, then society will go to pot. God will judge us and destroy us. He will send planes into towers and hurricanes into cities. Crops will fail.

An old minister said to me, “God can’t bless America like this” after a Supreme Court decision that he didn’t like.

I asked him if God’s blessing EVER came because we kept the law properly. He went silent after that.

He really believed that the days when blacks were on the plantations, women were disciplined and stayed at home, children were beaten into submission, and nobody aired their laundry in public were better days, worthy of God’s blessing. He really believed that if we could simply get people back into their places again, we could “Make America Great Again”.

If however, we set up a welfare state, women will just keep having babies and more babies just to get higher checks each month and we will go broke. We will have a society based on theft.

If we let black men carry weapons, we are just inciting violence. The second amendment only applies to white men and BIPOC who know their place and stay in their neighborhoods.

If we let trans people read to children, they will make our children prey and turn them gay.

The real problem I think is that Archie Bunker might have to pay a half a penny more in sales tax. Or that he might treat a woman like he is used to treating women and then she turns out to be a man and maybe His predatory habits might end up like “Crying Game” and he might be perceived as being gay.

Love is risky

The Bible never once says that if you love your neighbor, everything will turn out fabulous.

You might love your neighbor and have every homeless man in town knocking at your door for a sandwich.  Love them anyway.

You might appear as if you are condoning sin in the eyes of the Church Lady if you call the trans kid by his preferred pronoun. Do it anyway.

You might have a child that announces that he is gay and going to move in with his boyfriend. Love your gay neighbor anyway.

The migrant workers might learn a trade, start earning more money, maybe even get the job that you really wanted. Love them anyway. Welcome them. Protect the vulnerable.

When you help the child prosecute the pastor for sexual assault, your church might close the doors. Your reputation might be permanently destroyed, and you might never pastor again. Sit with her anyway. Sit on her side of the courthouse.

When you help your abused neighbor file for divorce against her violent and horrible husband, you might be cast out of your community, called horrible names and maybe even run out of your church. Do it anyway.

You might be called a friend of sinners. Love them anyway.

You might be spat on and considered dangerous. Love them anyway.

You might have to try to get away for a few days to avoid the crowds rushing to get some bread and fish. Love them anyway.

And they might actually crucify you – literally or metaphorically. Love them anyway.

Because love is risky.

Loving those who love you back is easy. Everyone does that.

Loving the ones who don’t threaten your place or your nation is easy. Everyone does that.

Loving the ones who wear their hair the right way or wear the right sort of clothes, or vote for the right candidate is easy. Everyone does that.

But that isn’t the love that Jesus calls us to. Jesus calls us to the love that costs. The love that is risky. The love that gives everything away rather than lose the soul.

The love Jesus calls us to is the love that might even end up getting us hurt or killed. We might lose our jobs. We might lose our place and our nation. We might lose our fancy ministries.

Love anyway. Let them talk. Sticks and stones and words hurt and destroy. But love abides forever.

Don’t redefine love to make it no longer risky. When you redefine it like that was it is no longer love. When it sticks to the party line, it is no longer love.

If you love your life, you will lose it.

Over against the Archie Bunker mentality, we need to learn to love more than ever.

The vulnerable population is scared. Love them. Political parties don’t need your love. Your neighbor does.

The future cannot be manipulated. That is the heart of what the Bible calls witchcraft – seeking the formula to force God’s blessing. It only leads to crucifixions and burnings and banishments. And it won’t ever secure the future.

The future is in God’s hand alone. So rather than say, “This is just a slippery slope to ruin…” Try saying this:

God loves me and will never let anyone pluck me out of his hand.

Even if I use a kid’s preferred pronoun. Even if I stand with the abused spouse.

Even if I eat lunch with a gay man. Even if I give a woman a ride home.

Even if I meet with a woman in my office.

Even if the whole church brands me a publican and a sinner.

Even if I pick the wrong candidate to vote for.

Even if I give the homeless man food and a blanket.

And even if my taxes go up so that vulnerable people can also get healthcare. Even if I decry systemic racism and they brand me a communist.

Even if my sales taxes go up a half a penny.

Even if I stand with the oppressed.

God’s got the future. Love is risky. Love anyway.