There’s a pattern that we see in humans since the beginning.
Since shame entered the world, humankind seeks to cover their shame by gathering in groups and throwing their shame on outsiders.
We see it in Cain and Abel. Cain loved the “worship of God” because he was special. He was a “man from God.” He wasn’t like that Abel guy.

But when God accepted Abel and didn’t accept Cain, Cain was furious.
And so it continues.

Perhaps if we are the best at something, we won’t be like those losers.
Perhaps if we get every jot and tittle right in our theology, we won’t be like those losers.
Perhaps if we are strong enough and build a strong enough city to keep out the gays and the trans people, then God will look on us with favor again.

Our president might be a pedophile, a lying conman, a thief, a rapist, but at least he isn’t a liberal.

It’s about identity, seeking to overcome shame.
If WE (Our tribe) can make it to the top, then perhaps we can silence that voice deep inside that tells us we are losers and not worthy of love or honor or respect.

That maybe somebody will find out that our whole lives are lived as imposters, wearing clothes that don’t belong to us trying to cover our shame.

But what if I told you this:
We could be the best in our field, widely recognized as experts, wear the finest clothes, have the tallest statues, and have everyone tell us how marvelous we are…
We could cover our mantles with the best trophies – Superbowl rings, Grammys, Emmys, Tonys, Wimbledon cups, and whatever other big trophies people want…

Or even have the most stunning wife, the aura that stops the conversations in rooms, the awed hushed whispers when we enter.

You could be so good at your job that companies are selling assets to be able to afford you and you could command any price you want.

You could play the piano so well that the mere whisper of a possible recital will cause riots.

We could master the entry and cause the world to weep when we exit…

OK – your turn. What is it that you dream of that would stop the suspicion in your mind that you might be a loser…

Now imagine that you have it. Whatever accolade you dream of, yours…

Here’s the good news.
God has recognition, glory, honor and love waiting for you that is so much greater than anything you could dream of – that every glory of this world is dung compared to it.

And here is the beauty of it:

You don’t have to hurt children
You don’t have to crush the votes of minorities
You don’t have to own the libs
You don’t have to prove that you are better than those other people
You don’t have to trample anyone…

But here is the catch:
That same honor, that same glory, waits for everyone who wants it.

The people you despise.
Publicans and sinners.
Homeless people.
Addicts.
Gay people.
Trans people.
Hurting people.
Poor and hungry people.

The homeless person that you despised and voted to take away his shelter will be honored by God at God’s right hand.
In fact, one of the beauties of God’s infinite nature is that everyone who wants to feast with God on the last day has a seat at the table …at God’s right hand.

God’s right hand is big enough for everyone and those who are there won’t diminish YOUR glory at all.

Because the glory that we seek is Christ’s, and he gives it to everyone who asks.

How will that change how you live and act right now?

Maybe we can work hard at resting. Just stop.

Then you can use your gifts – not for honor and glory, but to make the lives of others better. You can “minister” to one another. You can live so that the greatest reward is to reflect the goodness and generosity of God’s character so clearly that others feel it.

And then you will silence that voice that seeks to find honor by shaming others.

Stop seeking superiority, as a person, as part of a group, as a congregation.

Maybe quit with the “distinctives” (you Reformed people know what I mean). – maybe those things that you think make you just a little superior to every other denomination is what is keeping you from the kingdom of God.

Maybe the lust to fence the table is simple erecting barriers trying to determine who is worthy enough to come to the feast.

Let’s try a different way of looking at it. Let’s look at lifting everyone up.

Instead of repeating the same tired Fox News racism, try actually listening to black voices; see what they have endured, even at your hands. Learn to do better.

Instead of repeating the same bullshit Doug Wilson/Mark Driscoll misogyny, listen to the women in your lives; see what they endure and what their fears are; what they desire.

And yes, that will take a lot of time, because right now, they really don’t trust you. You may need to start with some books that you normally might not read.

Read minority authors. Read women authors. Understand a different perspective.

Read from different faith traditions. Read from different theological backgrounds.

Far too often the evangelical church puts on the big show of “lifting God on high”, while at the same time they tear his creation down.

It doesn’t work like that. Lift each other up. Ensure that every voice is valued and heard – even if you don’t agree.

Ensure that every vote is valued and counted. Every human has access to the same benefits and necessities that YOU have access to.

After all, the heart of the Christian life is “What do you have that you did not receive?”

And above all, quit putting fences around the table. God invites everyone to the feast.

Those who won’t go are those who are afraid that there might be sinners there.

Until we understand that glory that waits for us, we will forever be trying to silence our shame, and we won’t ever do it.

When all we need to do is understand how deep, wide, high, and broad the love of Jesus is – we are are so much more worthy that we think we are.

On being tired

I am tired of this timeline.

Many of you, like me, are discouraged and stricken silent by the enabling of the Republican party – we have a madman running us out of weapons and destroying the economy of the world because he is running out of treasuries to loot – and Republicans shrug. I am honestly exhausted.



But then I remember that this isn’t the only time in history people have felt this way.



Gideon was told by God to whittle his army down to 250.

Elijah didn’t know about the 7000 still awake and aware in Israel. He thought he was alone.

Nehemiah’s generation wept at the smallness of what they were doing.



And Paul said, “When I am weak, He is strong.”



There are battles beyond our senses that we know nothing about. The kingdom of God isn’t won with swords and spears and bombs. It is always won with love and joy, patience and faith.



The victors in this world are often mistaken as losers, just as Christ was mocked on the cross. They are hiding in caves, being run out of the pagan temples masquerading as churches, sometimes beaten, poor, hungry…

Think about Hebrews 11 –

“of whom the world was not worthy…” God says.



But far worse than all of this is the betrayal of family and friends, wondering what happened to their moral bearings. Were they just pretending? Why are they OK with rape, with bombing schools and churches, with taking money and healthcare from children.



The hardest is knowing that people you loved and trusted are racist to the core, sexist to the core, violent, irrational, morally repugnant, ignorant, foolish…



Romans 1:29–32

“They were filled with all manner of wickedness, evil, covetousness, malice. Full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, malignity, they are gossips,

slanderers, haters of God, insolent, haughty, boastful, inventors of evil, disobedient to parents,

foolish, faithless, heartless, ruthless.

Though they know God’s decree that those who do such things deserve to die, they not only do them but approve those who practice them.”



See…Paul dealt with it too.

This bothers me more than anything else. Watching the evangelical and reformed churches rot from the inside out…



And I feel alone and helpless and not at all confident that the midterms will fix anything, because no matter what the vote says, I don’t know how much of our infrastructure, our treaties, our social nets, our medical care, our food supplies – will remain.



But worse than that, are the millions who will still say, “But Biden’s laptop…”



But here is what I know. Throughout the history of the world, God delighted to do much with very few.

He uses the weak to confound the wise. The humble to confound the arrogant, love to overthrow evil.



Don’t lose heart. It isn’t about numbers. It is about shining the love of Jesus in this dark, dark world



It’s about building a prayer room for your Muslim neighbors and making sure they can worship in peace.

It’s about making sure your Jewish neighbors are free from threat.

Or your Palestinian neighbors can weep over the atrocities in their homeland without fear of reprisals.

Or your gay neighbors being able to live and love and shine their colors.

It’s about being a safe place for the one person that needs you to be a safe place.

Love is spread one person at a time.



Nowhere does the Bible say that we, as believers, are required to point out what is wrong with everyone. Jesus didn’t do it. The apostles didn’t do it. It is a holdover from American revivalism. The four spiritual laws are crap.



Yes, repent from YOUR sins, and report your neighbor’s crimes against others, but be at peace with one another. Love your neighbor as yourself. Talk about beauty and feasts and wine and joy. Talk about love and patience and shepherds and sheep.

Leave conviction to the Spirit. He knows how to do it without crushing and breaking.

And remember:



The kingdom of heaven is for those who mourn, those who are poor, those on the outskirts, those without strength –



And those are the exact qualities that crush Satan’s head.



That’s my evening ramble. And now to bed.

Mercy and Goodness are relentless

I was on the verge of a thought the other day…

Last September, as many of you know, I was very close to death. Against all the odds and all the science, I survived it.

I didn’t have any epiphanies. I had some strange visions and some bad dreams, that were most likely my body trying to process the trauma that I went through.

But I didn’t have any “I have a newfound lease on life!!” moments. I was happy to get hope. I’m happy that I’m pretty healthy. I’m happy that I don’t have any lasting damage to my heart.

But those really weren’t any epiphanies. I mostly wanted to get back to work because I thought they might be missing me (turns out they weren’t…but that’s another story).

But no “life is fragile, grab every moment” moments. I’ve never been a seize the day kind of guy. I just kind of try to get through without the day noticing me very much.

And that didn’t really change in September.

Another thing that didn’t change was the driving thought that I’m supposed to be doing something grand. That somehow God expects me to be doing something but I’m not sure what that is.

My STEMI just made that worse. “God spared my life. What am I supposed to be doing with it?”

I asked my pastor about it, and he said, “What about just accepting it as a gift?”

I thought about that. And I still think about it.

Maybe I don’t have to earn it. Maybe God isn’t expecting me to do anything to pay him back. Maybe he doesn’t have a “I’ve done so much for you. What have you done for me lately” thoughts like so many preachers thinks he has.

Maybe he just wants me to breathe the spring air. And swirl the scotch around my tongue.

Maybe he wants me to really enjoy the smell of lavender, or the petichor after a warm rain.

Maybe just go for a walk or buy some blueberries.

Or eat an ice cream cone and stop feeling guilty about it.

Maybe he just wants me to kiss my wife and hug my kids and send my grandkids silly postcards and remind them how much they are loved.

And maybe he wants me to want those same things for my neighbor.

Where he also can go for a walk without fear. Or kiss his loved ones without worrying what the neighbors think.

Or have a full belly when they put their kids down.

Maybe we should want them to not have to be afraid of getting medical care because they might be terrorized by the government or lose their homes because they can’t pay.

How wonderful would it be if everyone could just “sit under their own vine and own fig tree”, knowing that it wasn’t because they magically lifted themselves up by their bootstraps (which is impossible) but because a good God loves them and provides for them.

And maybe God wants me to want my neighbor to thrive and blossom and smell the lavender without fear, or hug their kids without wondering when they’ll be taken away.

Maybe God just wants us to stop. Stop the fighting and the wars and the bombs and the meddling and the moral busyness.

And just smile. Wave at our neighbors. Invite them to sit on the porch for a bit and have some tea. And just, for the love of God, quit fussing over how they dress, how they look or where they come from.

I digressed. Sorry.

My thought that I was on the verge of having was this one.

I’m so tired of trying to prove that I’m worthy of love or deserving of life. And maybe God doesn’t expect me to.

Maybe I just need to accept his love and my life as a gift that he isn’t expecting any payment for…

It flits around my head looking for a place to land…but it has a hard time finding a roost. So it flits away, and for a while I go back trying to earn the gift.

But idea flits in again. Mercy and goodness are stubborn and they pursue relentlessly.

I wish I could truly learn how to just stop running.

Hatred runs strong

One of the things that has grieved me over the years – in 2015, I thought that surely the “grab em by the &&^&% “ comment would end his support among “Christians”
Then I thought it would be mocking the disabled.
Then maybe the disastrous Economy. The revelation that he stole labor from every single one of his contractors.
His racism, his hatred of women.
Then maybe I thought it would be the Epstein files.

Would raping children be enough to end the “Christian” support?

And the answer is no.

Hatred runs deep. Fox News, Rush Limbaugh, Hannity, pulpits all over the country stoked the hatred and fear of the religious right, until there weren’t any values left.
Just hate.
Hatred of trans people, hatred of brown people, hatred of foreigners, hatred of Biden, hatred of Kamala, hate, hate, hate…

So it didn’t matter to his base, as long as he stoked their hatred.

And now, just like the Bible predicted, they are no longer able to judge good and evil. It’s demonic.

So now, DJT could come out and speak to the nation in pumps and full makeup wearing a negligee, and his base would cheer and call it skilled negotiation.

He could strip naked and make out with JD Vance while Caroline Leavett cheers and twirls her cross necklace in the name of Jesus and his base would cheer and call him bold.

He could curse an entire people and threaten them with annihilation, and his base would cheer. That’s right. He did that one, and they did.

And I used to think that no one would ever actually drop a nuclear bomb…but now I’m not sure at all.

Perhaps this is what the Bible means about it ending in fire.

And when the last of the bombs drop and the earth is annihilated and Jesus comes again, the religious right would clap and say, “At least he owned the libs.”

Hatred is strong. This isn’t natural.

God is light

How God shines the light on who we are:

When God calls himself “light”, he means that his very nature is to reveal. It is inseparable from his being.
He reveals himself in all of creation. He reveals himself in the souls of humankind.
And like light, he reveals what lies in darkness. He cannot NOT reveal, for he cannot lie.

Human lie. Humans have darkness in the heart and hidden places where they think they are unseen. But God’s nature is to reveal, for he is light.

What we are seeing today which is so frightening to us is God’s revelation. Not only of himself, but also the darkness that lies in the hearts of evangelicalism.

God revealed the hearts of humans in the days of Jesus. He revealed their hurts to heal, the illnesses to take away, they pain and isolation to draw into community –

And he also reveals their darkness, their hatred, their schemes, their vicious lusts. He revealed himself to the woman caught in adultery and loved her. He revealed the murder and lies in the heart of the leaders of the Jews and they slunk away and plotted his death.

The heart of the huge evangelical corporate machine is revealed more so every day. There is no depth that they have not already reached and will continue to reach.

The broken contracts and promises of Reformed and Presbyterian churches are being revealed every day.

Donald Trump is a revelation. If those who claim the name of Christ will open their eyes, they will see their hearts revealed. It is an ugly, bloated, lying, lecherous, contract-breaking, amoral psychopath that knows nothing of love, beauty, wisdom, art or goodness.

The problem isn’t the slug in the white house. He is a mirror and that mirror is God’s light shining on who we are.

Look at your king, America. Look at the natives you tortured and raped and slaughtered in his bloated face. Look at the enslaved image-bearers you bullwhipped and traded like property to enrich yourself.

Look at the totalitarian dictators you set up throughout the world, impoverishing millions to rape their lands. Your golden ballroom and Temu-liberace decor in the oval office is a revelation of America. The dignity is erased for we had none. We tortured people of color, we raped women and children, we stole from the poor to enrich those that we already enriched and we called it the “American dream”.

And now the curtain is pulled away. Here is your god.
Let’s see if his bloated ugly corpse can save us in the day of trouble.

Before we reap what we sow, God is exposing us to the world. Will we move towards light and love and beauty and goodness, or will we continue to rape and pillage and destroy?

After this nightmare is over, we have a lot to rebuild. May we rebuild far better than we built. But maybe the first building has to come down.