I grieve

I am grieving, and have been for years.

In 2010, I had my world shattered with the reality of abuse, and the apparent inability of the Reformed world to address it.

I thought it was an anomaly; I thought that my colleagues would love to be trauma-informed and study with me how to better serve their neighbor.

Instead, they ignored me. They whispered their insults and names, and thought that I didn’t hear them. They started passing my blog around among themselves and shaking their head sadly.
I persisted.

In 2016, when Trump won the primary, I changed by party affiliation. I thought that the accusations that the GOP was racist, misogynist, abusive and greedy were simply slanders – and then they elected Trump and I realized that it wasn’t a slander. They said then “We’ll we don’t like a lot about him, but we can’t have Hilary, so we have to hold our nose of vote Trump.”

I watched my beautiful country and my beloved church become hard, contemptuous, hateful, divisive – and I realized that they didn’t vote Trump in spite of his revolting wickedness, but because of it. They liked it.

They liked his railing, his lies, his contempt, his hatred.

And then in 2020, on January 6th, I said, “Now they will see.” And they didn’t.

I watched my former friends and my former circles reject every single bit of morality that they preached about for years.

They twisted themselves into knots justifying everything he did.
“Let Trump be true, and every man a liar” became their motto.

He consistently and brazenly bragged about breaking every single commandment of God, and the evangelical, reformed world shouted AMEN.

I believed my church was concerned about morality. I was wrong.

I believed my country would wake up with the mountains of evidence piling up. I was wrong.

And here is why I am grieving now.

I now see that my country is Babylon. We used to side with the beautiful, the downtrodden and the oppressed.

Now America sides with the oppressor, the tormentors, the rich, the violent, the immoral, those who give and receive bribes.

We are no longer great. We are now Babylon, and the fall will be tremendous.

Every single characteristic of the beast and the false prophet given in the scripture matches our country and its religion to a tee.

And I am grieving the loss. I am weeping at the destruction to come.

And I can’t get over the fact that it was the “conservative church” that that enabled every step.

I grieve that what could have been such a powerful force for good sold its soul to an orange con man who can’t even string a complete sentence together coherently.

I grieve that the blindness is complete and now there is no one at the gate.

I grieve.

I grieve and I still write for the same reason that I started in 2010 – to give hope to the oppressed, that God sees and God judges and he will return in glory to bring back beauty once again.