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December 4, 2025 · 11:51 am

The patriarchy ends at Christmas

Anyone who has read through or has tried to read through the Old Testament has run into the genealogies. You know, the “He beget so and so-s” that seems to go on interminably.

But there is a reason for them. God promised that he would send a redeemer. Through Abraham, through Isaac, through Jacob, through David, Solomon and so forth.

He promised that through the nation of Israel, he would redeem every nation on earth. Israel was his “firstborn son” and would inherit everything in the heavens and the earth if they were obedient and faithful. And so fathers beget sons, the Lord “seeking the godly seed”.

Originally, the patriarch of the family served as the priest for the family, but this went away when Aaron and his sons were appointed. It wasn’t “fatherhood” that made men priests. It was the promise of God pointing to his “godly seed”.

For even the sons of Levi needed purifying. Even Israel needed redeeming.

Throughout the Old Testament, you read about slaughters, murders, destruction, executions, rapes, slavery, idolatry, sacrificing children to Molech. God eventually cast Israel away. They would not be the firstborn son that God was seeking.

Jeremiah 15:3–6 (RSV)
3 “I will appoint over them four kinds of destroyers, says the LORD: the sword to slay, the dogs to tear, and the birds of the air and the beasts of the earth to devour and destroy. 4 And I will make them a horror to all the kingdoms of the earth because of what Manasseh the son of Hezekiah, king of Judah, did in Jerusalem.
      5 “Who will have pity on you, O Jerusalem,
      or who will bemoan you?
      Who will turn aside
      to ask about your welfare?
      6 You have rejected me, says the LORD,
      you keep going backward;
      so I have stretched out my hand against you and destroyed you;—
      I am weary of relenting.

In case you were wondering how a God of love could do this, remember what Manasseh did. He burned children alive as sacrifices to Molech. The air of Jerusalem was filled with the screams of children and the weeping of mothers.

But the God of Love redeemed even Manasseh eventually. (But that is another story).

For our story, God had cut Israel off. This is Satan’s great work. He is the accuser. He says, “God, how can you be just? Look at the atrocities that your people are committing? And yet you continue to permit them to live. How can you be just? If you declare them righteous, you are the worst judge ever. If you declare them guilty, then how can they be saved? It looks like you are stuck to me.”

The scary part is that Satan was right. How can a judge be just and allow the atrocities that God allows? And if God’s justice responds to rape and murder and hate and theft and war and greed and the slaughter and starvation of children then how can he be Love?

But the genealogies continued. It is almost as if God wasn’t listening. Everyone is waiting. What will he do?

And while the world waits for God’s response, like Habakkuk on the tower, the genealogies continue.

1 Chronicles 3:16–24 (RSV)
16 The descendants of Jehoiakim: Jeconiah his son, Zedekiah his son; 17 and the sons of Jeconiah, the captive: Shealtiel his son, 18 Malchiram, Pedaiah, Shenazzar, Jekamiah, Hoshama, and Nedabiah; 19 and the sons of Pedaiah: Zerubbabel and Shime-i; and the sons of Zerubbabel: Meshullam and Hananiah, and Shelomith was their sister; 20 and Hashubah, Ohel, Berechiah, Hasadiah, and Jushab-hesed, five. 21 The sons of Hananiah: Pelatiah and Jeshaiah, his son Rephaiah, his son Arnan, his son Obadiah, his son Shecaniah. 22 The sons of Shecaniah: Shemaiah. And the sons of Shemaiah: Hattush, Igal, Bariah, Neariah, and Shaphat, six. 23 The sons of Neariah: Eli-o-enai, Hizkiah, and Azrikam, three. 24 The sons of Eli-o-enai: Hodaviah, Eliashib, Pelaiah, Akkub, Johanan, Delaiah, and Anani, seven.

I know… long and dull. But in the midst of all of these names, there was still hope. Fathers beget sons and the world waited for the Son of David.

There is even a hint of what is to come – Shelomith, his sister… Is this about patriarchy, rule, power, strength and control? That way already came to a bloody end when Jehoiakim was taken captive. What does Shelomith the daughter of Zerubbabel have to do with the promise of the coming Son of David? (Hebrew: Messhiach- the anointed)

C.S. Lewis said through the mouth of Aslan “there is a deeper magic that the witch doesn’t know” (The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe).

She knows about the magic of the natural order. She knows about the “soul that sins shall die.” She knows about law and order, about justice, and all of the “begets”. And she knows how to wage war and pit God’s justice against God’s love, which is really all that patriarchy has to offer.

But there was a “deeper magic” that she didn’t understand, written before the foundation of the world.

The “seed of the woman” would crush the head of the serpent.

Through all of the begets, one right after another, the deeper magic seemed forgotten. Perhaps God is reminding us by mentioning a daughter that he hadn’t forgotten the deeper magic

How can a woman has a seed? Men have seed (Latin: semen). There is something outside of and beyond the natural order that will come through and redeem the world of murder and hatred and racism and genocide and death.

The New Testament starts with…a genealogy. The very first words of the good news: “The book of the genealogy of Jesus Christ…”

You have probably skipped it every time you read the Christmas Story. I do too.

But this year, take a minute and go through it. Each name – the heartache, the loss, the fear of death, the judgment, the destruction, the wars, the earthquakes, the crucifixions and impalings and slow tortures. The harems of the rich, the abandonment of the daughters, the harsh rule of cruel men and the viciousness of cruel women.

And the brokenness and loneliness and hunger and want and nakedness and terror. The slaves without hope, the widows starving at the gates, the orphans, the desperate, the prisoners, those condemned to death.

And another “beget” and another. Another. Another.

And then – Jesus Christ.

And please hear me now. This is crucial:

This is the last genealogy in the Bible.

(Yes, I know about Luke. That is parallel, it doesn’t come after Matthew).

All of the genealogies from Adam through the centuries of pain and promise end with Jesus, the deeper magic.

He has no wife and no son. And he was the “seed of the woman”. Mary, the virgin, gives birth without a man at all.

The deeper magic – where God’s love and God’s justice meet in one Human, the True Israel of God, the second Adam, the godly seed, the righteous Son of David, and the heir of all things. He is the perfect, obedient, loving Son of God who inherits where Adam failed and Israel failed.

And because he was the “seed of the woman” he begins a new humanity out of the ruins of the old. Where love and inclusion and peace and justice all kiss each other perfectly. He doesn’t do away with the human race, he delivers it. All of the rot and fear and shame and guilt he nails to the cross as the representative of the Human Race, the second Adam, and lifts it all out of the dust of death at his resurrection.

And the power of the Accuser is taken away. And yes, his voice is very powerful. He alternates between calling for the destruction of the wicked to the destruction of your own heart. Look at that filth. Look at it! How can God love someone like you?

And we reply – look at the cross. Better, look at the resurrection! Look at the one who created the universe laying in a manger. The power of mankind doesn’t save anyone, and ends up the same way every time. Death, slaughter of innocents, rape, abuse and greed.  A different order is needed, where weakness crushes the serpent. Where bruised heels disarm and destroy.

The era of patriarchy ended on Christmas. Paul tells us that the seed of the woman, born under the law, redeems us from the curse of the law.

And now, the blessing of Abraham (that we will become the heirs of the world) is fulfilled in us. The curse of the old magic is taken away; the blessing of Abraham is freely given in Christ.

Whether you are male or female, slave or free, rich or poor, you are a firstborn son because Jesus is the firstborn son, and everything he has he gives to you.

Galatians 4:4–7 (RSV)
4 But when the time had fully come, God sent forth his Son, born of woman, born under the law, 5 to redeem those who were under the law, so that we might receive adoption as sons. 6 And because you are sons, God has sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, crying, “Abba! Father!” 7 So through God you are no longer a slave but a son, and if a son then an heir.

And Paul’s whole point in the book of Galatians is this:

Why on earth would anyone want to return to the law? The “magic” of the natural order? It only leaves us condemned. The rule of hierarchy, of supremacy, of patriarchy, of might makes right, destroys humankind! Why would anyone want to return?

The modern lust for patriarchy only brings ruin and death. It is disguised as Christianity, but it is the religion of Manasseh – we appease the stingy gods with the sacrifices of our wives and our children and maybe if we are hard enough on sinners God will be merciful to us.

Thus the lust to crush and destroy those that the powerful deem as “sinners”.

Our president vowed to crush Somalis. We won’t be great until we rid the world of “garbage”. This isn’t Christianity. This is Baal.

This is why the modern evangelical church wages war against LGBTQA+. “God can’t bless America with this filth!”

And on and on it goes. Rid the world of sinners so God can bless us again!

And they will erect the nativity scenes and miss the point entirely.

It isn’t the firstborn seed of the virile man that will change the world.

It is the seed of the woman. In ways you won’t ever expect.

A glass of water. A bit of food. A place to sleep. A kind word. And a willingness to endure reproach for being a “friend of sinners”, just as Jesus was.

This is Christmas. And you can celebrate it aright by ridding yourselves of the remnants of the old magic, and embrace the new humanity, where all are firstborn sons in Jesus Christ.

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December 1, 2025 · 6:09 pm

Does God Like Me?

You’re fat.

You’re stupid.

No one even likes you.

You are worthless.

If it wasn’t for me, no one would even tolerate you.

There are millions who were raised by cruel and harsh men and women who have never known a kind word; who have never known what it is to be accepted or loved.

We learn our place in the world from those around us when we are little. Every child is born looking for someone looking for them. Does anyone delight in me? Do I have a place in this world?

Children can’t talk all the way through this or make sense of this. But they pick up the clues.

“Am I safe?”

“Am I loved?”

“Am I acceptable?”

In my family, I was the weird one. I thought that if I could be more like the acceptable people, perhaps my mother would love me. So I put on so many different types and personalities. I learned that I was on my own. I didn’t have a support group.

But I also learned that God was like this as well. If I could find the formula, if I could do everything just right, if I could say my prayers right, and find out whatever it was I was missing, perhaps God would accept me as well.

And yes, I know that “Jesus paid it all” and that God loves me because, well, he has too, doesn’t he?

But does God actually like me?

Have you heard parents that say, “I love you, but I sure don’t like you right now”?

I think sometimes that God thinks like this as well. Maybe he is on his throne saying, “Sam is sure a weirdo. No wonder he has problems.”

It’s hard to get that voice out of your head, especially when it has been engrained in you from infancy.

And unfortunately, we grow and often surround ourselves with the voices we are familiar with:

You are fat. You are lazy. You are weird. Nobody likes you. Everything you think about yourself is true.

You are a loser. You are weak. You are dumb.

These words surround us continually. They eat at the soul.

These are not the words that we have learned from Christ Jesus. He taught us to use words of truth and grace, seasoned with salt, edifying to the hearer.

Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers. (Eph 4:29)

There are so many ways to tear people down with words. One of the most insidious is to never revile out loud, but just simply let your victim know that they really aren’t very likeable. Perhaps they are weird. Perhaps they do things differently. Perhaps they think a little…not like you. This is the classic passive-aggressive bully. God hates it.

This one is close to my heart, because I am…let’s face it…weird. I cannot small talk for anything. I have no idea what is going on in any sporting event. I say weird things at weird times. I don’t have a clue what “guys do”.  At my bachelor party, two of my friends picked me up from work and said, “This is YOUR NIGHT. You can do whatever you want!” I sat on their couch and stared at them for two hours until they let me go home.

I’m weird. There is no situation where I am not awkward, no conversation that I can’t stop by saying something very weird.

And most of my life, I was absolutely convinced that most people would be far happier if I just went home. So I usually did.

It occurred to me the other day that I have a hard time believing that anyone likes me. And then it occurred to me that I carry this belief to God himself. Does God actually like me?

It is an interesting question. I think that question is particularly difficult for those who have been attacked with the tongue. How can anyone like me? Does God like me? Does it matter?

It isn’t the same as “Does God love me”. We know that God does love us. He loves us with perfect, infinite, unchanging love in Jesus Christ, his beloved Son. We also know that nothing separates us from his love.

But does he like me?

Our greatest fear is that God just barely tolerates us. He loves us in Christ, but really just wishes we would go away. Can you think of anything more shameful than hearing God say, “I love you, but I sure don’t like you much.”

Do you see what I am getting at? I’m trying to make the doctrine of God’s love practical, and looking at what it actually means. What does it mean to love someone that you don’t really like? I guess I just don’t get that.

Does God think I’m weird? Does he think that church would be better if I didn’t show up? Does he roll his eyes and sigh when I cry out to him yet again?

Yes,  I know that God hates sin and calls me to repent. I also know that he has cleansed me from sin. I know that he does not tolerate sin. I’m not talking about sin. I’m talking about the fact that I really like colored socks and don’t know what to say to strangers I’ve just met. I’m talking about the kind of clothes that I wear and the kind of music I like. I wear waistcoats and hats and say weird things.

Does God like me? I am not speaking about the independence of God. I know that God does not need his creatures, including me, for anything. I do not add to his blessedness, for in him are all the perfections of holiness. I add nothing to God. I get that.

But does God like me?

Here’s why I believe this question is important. We were created to be social, in fellowship. We were created to be loved and have friends, to walk with God, to speak with him in the cool of the day. We were created to live in harmony with one another. We were created to be accepted and to love and be loved and to belong. To know and to be known.

And we still have that memory of Eden. We still have the need to belong. My heart still cries out to belong, to fit in, to be acceptable. The human heart cannot abide being outcast. No one can live thinking that everyone wishes they would go away, that everyone just thinks they are stupid, fat, smelly, ugly and weird. We cannot live thinking that we are totally unacceptable. This is the insidious nature of abuse. It tears down and destroys what the heart longs for the most. The words of a spouse can hurt and destroy and kill far more than any weapon imaginable. To be unacceptable, banished from love, and undesirable is intolerable to an image-bearer of God.

So the question is very important. Does God like me?

If God does not like me, then I must seek acceptance elsewhere. The stupidest, most shameful things I have ever done I did to try to be accepted. I sought the approval of men, and failed all the way around. I still blush when I think of it.

But if I do not seek the approval of men, whose approval do I seek, if God does not like me?

Do you see what I am getting at?

What do I do to be accepted? I am loved because of Jesus Christ, but does God accept me? Does God like me? Do I need to wear more acceptable, “god-like” clothing? Use more Christian-like phrases? Do I need to change my personality to something more acceptable to God?

Once again, I am not talking about sin. I know I need to confess and flee from sin. I am asking what I need to do for God to like me. Does God like me? Am I likeable?

And when I asked that question, scripture after scripture after scripture came to my mind and I felt free at last.

Ephesians 1:5–6 (NRSV)
5 He destined us for adoption as his children through Jesus Christ, according to the good pleasure of his will, 6 to the praise of his glorious grace that he freely bestowed on us in the Beloved.

God chose ME because he wanted to, and he made me accepted in the beloved. God DOES like me, and I am accepted by him!

He made me the way that I am because it delighted him to do so.

Psalm 139:13–14 (NRSV)
13 For it was you who formed my inward parts;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
Wonderful are your works;
that I know very well.

He put together my frame, my form, my face. He gave me my hair and my eyes. he gave me this belly and these feet. He doesn’t think of me as defiled, ugly, unclean, untouchable, for he made me. He gave me these parts, and behold they are very good.

Get thee behind me, Satan! God gave me this face and said it was very good! How dare you insult the frame that God gave to me! I’m not dirty and untouchable and unlovable!

As for my gifts and personalities,

18 But as it is, God arranged the members in the body, each one of them, as he chose. 19 If all were a single member, where would the body be? 20 As it is, there are many members, yet one body. 1 Cor. 12:18–20.

(Read the whole chapter!) See how God has chosen ME and has given me the gifts that he gave me. He gave me those gifts on purpose. He knew what he was doing. He gave me my weird personality, he gave me my strange quirks. In fact, it is because I am different that I am valuable to the body of Christ, according to this text. If we were all an eye, who would do the hearing?

Look around your church, look at your fellow believers. God gave each of them their gifts, their looks, their abilities, their perspectives, their cultural and social background. And he did it ON PURPOSE.

It is his good pleasure to give you all the kingdom.

Does God like us?

Zephaniah 3:17–18 (NRSV)
17 The LORD, your God, is in your midst,
a warrior who gives victory;
he will rejoice over you with gladness,
he will renew you in his love;
he will exult over you with loud singing
18 as on a day of festival.
I will remove disaster from you,
so that you will not bear reproach for it.

And here,

Know ye that the LORD he is God: it is he that hath made us, and not we ourselves; we are his people, and the sheep of his pasture. (Psa 100:3)

Our God, thrice holy, infinite and almighty, the creator and sustainer of the earth made ME, and made me on purpose. He gave me my personality, my background, my gifts. he gave me the body that I have, and even the flaws are counted – like how many hairs fall.

And he said it was very good. He redeemed me in Christ, and calls me to put off the old man with the fears and the doubts. He told me not to be a man-pleaser, but to seek to please him.

Because of the work of the Lord Jesus, and because I belong to him by faith, I am accepted by God. And because I am loved, God has given me his spirit, and given me gifts.

Because he delights in me I am free to rest in his love. Because he sings over me, I can be at peace with everyone around me, for who can take me from his love? I can walk in kindness; I can use my gifts for his glory. I don’t need to hide them under a bushel. I don’t need to be ashamed of who I am. Because God delights in me.

ME!

I am not just barely tolerated by God, but accepted in the beloved. He loves ME, and, yes, if I may say so, he likes me.

And so let’s all put aside our doubts and our fears and run this race together, shall we? Let’s quit trying to lift ourselves up by tearing one another down. Let’s quit trying to one-up each other, bragging and boasting about our accomplishments. Let’s quit worrying about whether anyone else likes us or not. If God is for us, who can possibly be against us?

Be kind, courageous and faithful, for your God is with you!

“I am my beloved’s, and he is mine.”

In fact, he says this of us:

Song of Solomon 1:15–17 (NRSV)
15 Ah, you are beautiful, my love;
ah, you are beautiful;
your eyes are doves.
16 Ah, you are beautiful, my beloved,
truly lovely.
Our couch is green;
17 the beams of our house are cedar,
our rafters are pine.

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November 19, 2025 · 11:14 am

How did we get here?

28 “Truly, I say to you, all sins will be forgiven the sons of men, and whatever blasphemies they utter; 29 but whoever blasphemes against the Holy Spirit never has forgiveness, but is guilty of an eternal sin”—30 for they had said, “He has an unclean spirit.” Mk 3:28–30.

We all know people who were kind, polite and generous and we would hardly recognize today.

10 years ago, these people would have never justified pedophilia, ugly vulgarity, racism, masked thugs in the city.

And we wonder what happened? How can that sweet and kind man who meant so much to me tolerate and justify so much evil?

This will be a provocative post, and that is not at all my intention. My intention is far more serious than to simply provoke a reaction. My intention is to warn; and if even one person will jolt awake, it will be worth it.

I would like to take you back to a story that never made sense to me until recently. It is told in all the gospels.

Jesus is going from town to town treating everyone with kindness and dignity. He is casting out ugly demons, healing the sick, restoring the soul, giving water and wine to the thirsty, feeding the hungry, making friends with sinners.

And there are certain people who hate him more and more every day. He reasons with them, he shows them his works of kindness and beauty, and they find one excuse after another to reject his wholeness and beauty and attack him.

Their attacks become more and more illogical and ridiculous.

As a side note, the Bible assumes a supernatural worldview, which I accept. I believe that the demons that were being cast out were real. And they were evil and ugly and full of hatred, vulgarity and lies. Jesus said that they were full of murder and lies. But when he came, he conquered that ugly kingdom and took away their power.

Now he is going from town to town delivering people from that bondage.

And the ones who hated him came up with the most ridiculous and obviously ludicrous arguments to continue to hate. As long as the sinners were getting what was coming to them, they were OK with their own demons.

“He isn’t healing the right sort of people”

“He isn’t healing on the right day”

“He isn’t in our group and he will lead people away from us”

And the story that I’m focusing on now is this one:

“He is demon possessed himself and is using Beelzebub’s power to cast out demons.”

If you were there watching this, you would easily see how ludicrous that argument was.

People went from naked to clothed. From ranting and foaming, to sitting and in their right mind. From anger and twisted bodies to sanity and kindness. From hatred to love. From terrifying to safe.

Just a quick glance would demonstrate that Jesus’ work was not the work of a demon.

It didn’t even make sense. Why would Satan attack his own kingdom??

And then Jesus talks about blasphemy against the Holy Spirit.

This passage has caused much anxiety, mostly due to poor application. Almost everything I heard and read about this passage – even in the footnotes in most study bibles – it says something like this:

Blasphemy against the Holy Spirit is ascribing the work of the Holy Spirit to the power of demons.

Well, sort of. Except that it is a little deeper than that.

Jesus’ statement isn’t a statement about the one-time event that caused the scribes to say the stupid things. We all are guilty of making stupid statements.

I used to be so tied up in knots thinking that if I said a stupid thing, I might be guilty of blasphemy against the Holy Spirit.

But then I looked at the whole passage in the context of the whole book.

Jesus isn’t talking about a one-time thing. He is talking about a progressive pattern.

Let’s talk about the Spirit. According to the Bible, the Spirit is the power of God bringing order to creation. He is also a person, the third of the Holy Trinity. He brings order, beauty, wisdom, skill, love and all of the gifts ascribed to him, and more.

Paul says that his “fruit” is love, joy, peace, patience, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, and self-control.

Everything that is beautiful, everything that is orderly, kind, loving, gentle and good is from the Spirit, proceeding from the Father and the Son.

But hate entered the world through the fall of man. And hateful people reject those gifts over and over again, especially if they benefit the objects of their hatred.

Cain hated Abel and refused the wisdom from God, ending in the murder of his brother.

Applying the doctrine of the Spirit to the text, Jesus showed those gifts of the Spirit again and again. He was “filled with the spirit” and practiced the fruits of the spirit consistently and everywhere he went. And instead of rejoicing and celebrating that gift, his enemies were filled with hate, and this hatred caused them to reject the Spirit of Goodness every time.

If they accepted the beauty of Jesus, they would have to accept the humanity of publicans and sinners.

If they accepted the beauty of Jesus, they would have to accept the humanity of foreigners. Of women. Of slaves. Of Romans.

This they could not do. So they rejected the Spirit of wisdom, love, order, beauty and life.

Jesus’s warning was this: If you continue down this path, the Spirit will be taken away completely, and then what will you do? Your wisdom, kindness, beauty and love will be taken away from you. God will give you what you choose. You want ugliness, insanity and hatred, soon you will be incapable of anything else. It is eternal sin.

King David understood the problem. He rejected order and beauty when he raped Bathsheba but pleaded “Don’t take your spirit from me”. He listened to the prophet and turned away from the path he was on.

He could have easily blamed her, like the modern preacher. “Well, what was she doing bathing in public?” (which isn’t what happened, but reason doesn’t come into it.) But David knew what would happen if he continued to “blaspheme the Spirit.” Soon that Spirit would be taken away, and all that would be left would be ruin. When you choose hate and destruction against every prompting of the Spirit, soon that is all that you have left.

Since 2016, I have watched with anger and sorrow, wondering if there would be a bottom that our president could reach that would cause my formerly Christian friends to reject him.

Bragging about walking in on naked teenagers? Nope.

Grabbing women by the genitalia? Nope

Blatant racism? Nope

Mocking the disabled? Nope.

Daily, obvious lies? Nope.

I asked a hard core MAGA man if there was anything Trump could do that would lose his support. I asked it, because I knew that there was no depth that Trump would not go, and I was hoping to wake him up. But the frog boils gradually.

Trump knew this when he said at Dordt College in 2016 that he could murder a man on Manhattan Ave. and his base would still support him

And each day, we sink further and further into the black hole of blasphemy against the Spirit. The Spirit continues to call us back to decency, but so many continue to make excuse after excuse.

And each day, we reach a new low.

Pedophilia? Nope

“Quiet Piggy”? Nope.

Hosting Al Qaida in the Oval Office?

Enriching himself at the expense of the poor?

Breaking every covenant we’ve made with nations and people?

Breaking his vows to uphold the constitution?

Nope, nope and nope.

He isn’t even pretending to hide it anymore.

I now believe that Trump could rape a child on Manhattan Ave and his base would still support him.

“Perfect people are in heaven” said a MAGA representative today.

The Spirit has given us ample warning. He hasn’t kept his fruits a secret from mankind. Love, joy, peace? Are those evident?

Obviously not.

For 30 years, the church has inculcated hatred from the pulpits, from right wing radio, from Fox News. They started little by little.

Sure, Rush Limbaugh was crude and vulgar, but he hates the same people I do. He sure knows how to own the libs.

Sure, Trump is a rapist and pedophile, but Hilary was worse. But Biden and the laptop.

But ABORTION…

And when we will not give up hatred, we become more and more hardened, until soon we have no decency, no goodness, no love, no patience.

And no joy. There is no joy left any more. The Spirit has been blasphemed and is taking away his gifts.

There is a scene in the sitcom “Friends” where Ross is briefly dating Janice, an extremely whiny, nasally character. Ross was in a very dark place and was continually complaining about his life, when Janice dumps him for being too whiny.

Ross has a jarring awakening. “I’m too whiny for Janice?” And he changes direction.

This is what I pray for everyone who still claims to love Jesus and supports this president.

What will it take for you to turn around? or is it already too late?

I cannot imagine a further atrocity other than what he has already done, so what will it take?

This is a warning. It is for your very soul.

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November 17, 2025 · 6:10 pm

Apologetics and Trauma

My seminary education was pretty standard for a Presbyterian/Reformed student.
It was Master’s Level work. Intense on Systematics, Greek, Hebrew, Exegesis, History and so on, and I am truly thankful for the grounding I received in classical theology.

One area that was a deficit, in my opinion, which is pretty typical in Reformed Presbyterians: I had 5 (!) semesters of Apologetic classes. FIVE. Apologetics, for those who are not Christians or otherwise not familiar with the term, is the study of the defense of Christianity. Originally, it was a study of the arguments of the ancient Martyrs in response to the powerful state which had outlawed Christianity. You can find examples of Paul defending his faith in the book of Acts.

Now, though, it is a bit different. Now, apologetics studies the ancient apologists, but it is mostly a study on how to argue with an educated atheist at a Starbucks and win the argument.

Part of the problem was an obsession with Van Til (iykyk) and “presuppositionalism”, and part of it is the absolute refusal of Reformed and Presbyterian churches to engage with the actual culture of the day. They tend to not understand or not care, what makes people tick.

So I had five semesters on how to argue with people, and how all of the classical theologians were wrong until Van Til came along and sorted them all out.

But could you guess how many classes I had on the effect of trauma in the body and the mind?
zero. Not one. Not even mentioned. Never came up, even once.

My professors still thought that most people had these carefully crafted arguments against Christianity that we could dismantle with skill and learned responses. But in the 20 years since I completed seminary, I never once met a person who carefully crafted intellectual arguments against Christianity, who was just waiting for me to come along and set them straight.

Most of the defense of the faith that I was doing was defending the faith against the religious right who thought that their worship of power and money was Christianity.
They didn’t listen any more than the guy at Starbucks listened. It was simply an intellectual exercise, and not worth the price of the coffee.

Because most people are just trying to survive. The religious right is trying to protect the world from perceived enemies, being afraid of everything.

And everyone else is just trying to make it through another day.

They are trying to deal with a husband who beats them, or rapes them every night.
They are trying to deal with the flashbacks of what their Sunday School teacher did to them, and how no one believed them.
Or trying to deal with the fact that they are attracted solely to the same sex and can’t change no matter what they do and are convinced that God hates them
Or trying to deal with the time their dad beat their dog to death when he had too much to drink.
Or trying to get through the day when they can’t find one reason to hope or stay alive and they just want the pain to stop.
Or trying to bury the shame of losing their virginity to the smelly guy with zits who promised he would love you forever.

Or trying to drown out the voices that continually say that they are no good, worthless, hopeless and will never be worthy of love.

And the downfall of Reformed thinking is this:
Mankind only has two problems:
One is sin, and if they just repent everything will be fine.
Two is bad presuppositions about life. And if I just explain the Christian world and life view, you will be able to make the right choices and everything will be just fine.

Anything beyond that doesn’t fit into the world-view. And therefore cannot be seen.

When they see the homeless girl, or the drug addict – they are only capable of seeing someone who made bad choices. They cannot see and will not see trauma, hopelessness, mental illness…These are things they can’t control, and Reformed theology is all about control. If I do the right things, bad things can’t happen.

And they have no room for anyone who challenges that viewpoint.

What I was taught was to listen to someone carefully in order to discern what choices they made that led them to where they are now, so I could call them to repentance, and excommunicate them if they didn’t repent…

OR – find out where their presuppositions were in error so I could correct them and change their thinking. Trauma, isolation, loneliness, hopelessness, the human condition, never entered into it.

And very soon in my professional ministry I saw the worthlessness of that approach. I didn’t know what else to do then, so I just listened.

And when I listened, I learned. And I learned about trauma and so much else.

I learned that stories told in safe places led to healing.

So my goal in ministry was not to fix people. But to provide a safe place for stories to be told. and encourage professional therapy. And to give room and patience and hope to the dying soul before me.


My two bits.

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November 12, 2025 · 9:59 am

Epstein files: Will it matter?

With all the anticipation for the release of the “Epstein files”, I don’t think it will really make any difference.

First, even if congress votes to compel the release, the files are most likely destroyed, in a closet at Mar-a-lago, or who knows where. You cannot depend on anyone in this administration to be ethical in anything they do. It will take us years to undo the damage.

Second, even if those files were released and everything we already know is there is proven to be there, Trump will not lose one vote from his base. Hatred is too powerful and has been inculcated in MAGA from pulpits, talk radio, FOX news and church basements for decades now. They will simply listen to Fox, determine that it is a hoax by Biden, or happened a long time ago, or “Hilary was worse”, or any of the other excuses that they will come up with.

Third, the only thing that will remove Trump before he does even more damage is if the Supreme Court, Congress and the Senate actually grow a pair and do something. But my guess is that they are all mostly in the files themselves, or Trump has something over them. It isn’t like his character is waiting for a surprise revelation. It isn’t like Perry Mason is going to swoop in with an envelope that changes everything.

So, no. I’m not optimistic that the files will change anything.

But I do have hope. This is why I was so happy with the election of Zohran. The voters can actually wake up, hit the polls and FOR THE LOVE OF GOD stop electing the same white trash over and over and over again, no matter which party.

If they were in office when Carter was president, STOP VOTING FOR THEM.

And stop watching the news. Stop filling your head with the garbage that pours out for 24 hours. If you are old and sick and can’t get out of your chair, watch animal documentaries. Discover a Mahler symphony. ANYTHING other than the same fear mongering over and over again.

Old White straight cis Guys have been running this country into the ground for 300 years, and this is where we are. Let’s elect someone else.

By the way, in ancient Israel, Baal was a worship of power and an attempt to manipulate God into opening his stingy, angry hands and pouring out a blessing. Many of them in Israel called this god Yahweh – 2 Kings 17 describes it perfectly.

Modern evangelicalism is simply revamped Baal worship. Those who are “deconstructing” are not generally rejecting Jesus. They are rejecting the priests of Baal using the name of Jesus.

Their worship has far more in common with Mount Carmel than it does Mt. Zion. It is simply a method to manipulate a blessing out of God by doing all the right things, hating the right people, dancing the right dance, having the right worship band, and a speaker with the ability to stir up great emotion…

When we come to Mt Zion (a figurative expression for the reign of Jesus) – we simply wait and trust. It makes all the difference.

So even though I am skeptical about the victims receiving justice on this earth, I am not skeptical about the victims receiving justice from Jesus Christ. He will certainly hear them and come in judgment when the iniquity of MAGA is complete. But first he gives ample opportunity to repent and make it right.

So far, MAGA has resisted every effort to act morally and ethically. Their judgment will be not long delayed. Wait and hope.

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November 6, 2025 · 4:14 pm

If she can’t say no, she also can’t say yes

4 For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does 1 Corinthians 7:4 (NRSV).

This is a popular verse for angry men to use, only they usually only quote the first phrase. They use it as a “gotcha” moment and insist that the wife can’t ever refuse her husband.

Many in the complementarian camp also insist that this is a primary reason for pornography among men. The wife won’t give him relief, so he has no option but to seek it outside the marriage.

In the complementarian scheme of things, made popular by MacArthur, Piper, Sproul Jr, Wilson and so many others, a woman is to submit at all times, including in the bedroom. The husband is the aggressor, the conqueror, the invader (in the words of the degenerate Doug Wilson), and the wife is the conquered and the invaded. May he reap what he has sown.

This theology creates a power imbalance in the marriage. The wife cannot say “no” without saying no to God. She is obligated, according to this scheme, to take whatever the husband wants to dish out or risk living in sin.

(The longer I am away from these circles, the weirder all of it sounds. Pick up a copy of “The Great Sex Rescue” by Sheila Wray Gregoire for thorough documentation. And pick up “The Well-Trained Wife” by Tia Levings for a first person account.)

To the uninitiated, this might sound fringe. But it is preached from thousands of pulpits across the country and has made it to the president’s cabinet as they seek to impose Project 2025. We need to pay attention. There are many in the highest offices of the country who believe that the 19th amendment should be repealed.

There are problems here. The first is that it is very bad exegesis. God did not create men and women in a hierarchy. He created them after his image. In the Holy Trinity, regardless of the spewing of Wayne Grudem and his complementarian theology, there is not a hierarchy of authority and submission, but a mutual love and unity. This is classical trinitarian theology. The church has always rejected subordination in the Trinity.

So also in marriage. Even in the passage above, where Paul is addressing redeemed men and women, he is not putting one in authority over the other. He is re-enforcing their humanity. Their bodies are their own, and in mutual authority and submission with one another. Practically speaking, this doesn’t work in an authority/submission scheme. The only way this works is through mutual love and unity – which is Paul’s point.

This is also the point of the whole of the Song of Songs. First the woman is the aggressor, then the man; The sexual relationship is instigated by the woman, and by the man in a holy, all-consuming, intimate joining of two bodies in perfect love and unity without a hint of any “roles” of subordination or authority. This pictures the relationship of Jesus and the church.

This is also Paul’s point in the entire book of Ephesians. We are one flesh with Jesus through the power of the Holy Spirit, pictured by the intercourse of a husband and wife “and they two shall become one flesh”. The sexual relationship is a mutual consenting agreement between two loving adults who give each other a holy Yes, just as the church gives Jesus a holy Yes, and Jesus responds in kind.

“I am my beloved’s and my beloved is mine” the bride sings.

In the complementarian scheme, the wife cannot consent because she cannot say no. Her consent is unnecessary or “given when they got married”. She is simply the receptacle of his lust and his seed. She is merely a “penis home” in the revolting words of Mark Driscoll.

Because her personhood, her choice, and her voice are all but denied even in the “best” of complementarian churches, complementarianism is nothing less than an attack on the image of God in the woman. She is reduces to simply a body, rather than a fitting helper (ezer kenegdo).

It is the image of God in the daughters of Eve that made her the fitting helper. It is what separated her from the animals. She was like Adam in every way, except female.

When she is relegated to eternal subordination, her voice and her will are permanently silenced, which is what Satan seeks to do to God’s people.

The only sexual relationship she knows is assault, for since she cannot withdraw consent, she also cannot consent. Her voice doesn’t matter.

This is far more serious than we understand. The damage is immense. There are millions of women living in perpetual trauma because of this false teaching. The are commanded by unscrupulous church leaders to live in the same house as their rapist, and let him do whatever he wants.

This isn’t Christianity and it doesn’t represent Christ.

Husbands are to love their wives and Christ loved the church, and Jesus is not a rapist. Women were safe in his presence.

Husband, is your wife safe with you? Could she tell you if she wasn’t?

Look at it this way. If all social and religious stigma against divorce were removed, and she was independently wealthy, would she leave your sorry ass?

If the only reason she stays is because she would be destitute, or cast out of her church, or believed God would hate her – then you do not have a marriage. You have a hostage crisis.

Malachi 3:16 – If you hate her that much, let her go, says the Lord God of Israel. (Yes, that is the correct translation).

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November 4, 2025 · 2:53 pm

SNAP, Poverty and Jesus

What the religious right gets so wrong

Nov 04, 2025

I did not do a poll of every single person who identifies as the religious right, but I grew up with it. I can read blogs. I see the comment section.

And this is what we hear from people who have “I love Jesus” in the biographies. I’ve heard this in countless fellowship meals in countless conservative churches.

“If they don’t work, they shouldn’t eat.”

“They can lift themselves up by their bootstraps like everyone else”

“I work hard for my money, and I’m not paying for junk food for some single mom”

“Immigrants shouldn’t be coming to take welfare from us, anyway…”

And they get the heart of Christianity so damnably wrong.

First, Jesus himself said that feeding the hungry and giving drink to the thirsty was an activity that separated his sheep from the goats of the world. Because he is speaking of the entire human race, his precepts here are universally binding.

Paul, however, who was writing to the Thessalonians stated that if one doesn’t work, he shouldn’t eat. Is he contradicting Jesus? Of course not. He is speaking of a specific situation in a specific time in a specific place. We don’t know the exact situation here, but he certainly isn’t talking about feeding the poor. Perhaps he is speaking of the idle rich class who were using the charities of the church to fill their bellies while contributing nothing. Every age has seen that type, and it seems to fit the context.

Whatever the specifics were, he doesn’t contradict the universal precept that if we wish to follow Jesus, we give our food to the hungry, clean water to the thirsty, help to the sick, and companionship and connection to the prisoner.

It isn’t an option.

So the next argument would be “Yes. But it is private charity. Not the government’s job to take from the rich to give to the poor.”

I used to buy that argument as well. We perhaps might see if they actually mean it this month, but I believe that they do not. I don’t see the rich giving food to the hungry without a lot of strings attached. Jesus himself said, “How hard it is for a rich man to enter heaven!” And we want to entrust the care of the poor to the rich and their goodwill?

It is the government’s duty to promote the good and punish evil. If the rich do not volunteer to open their wallets to care for the poor, then I have no problem with the government coercing them to do so with taxes. I also believe that the government should prevent every sort of theft and every sort of violence and every sort of covenant breaking as well. It is, actually, their job.

The righteous king in Psalm 72 cares for the needy.

Let’s take another one: I work hard for my money and don’t want to give it to deadbeats.

This one I am writing to a specific audience – those who believe, as I do, that the bible is God’s word and authoritative.

The Bible says, “What do you have that you did not receive?” Didn’t we used to believe that? We give thanks before our meal, and then give ourselves credit for having enough to eat? Do you see the contradiction?

Did you receive it from the hand of God? Or did you not?

Who was it that gave you the ability to do your job well enough that you can live on your salary?

Who gave you your health?

Who gave you your privilege to attend school? To own a bank account?

Who caused the crops to grow and who brought the workers to the field and harvested those crops? Who gave the truck driver his eyes and ears to bring the food to the grocery? Who gave the dock worker his hands to unload that truck?

And who can take all of it away in a moment?

How many have had to flee from an abusive spouse? How many have children by a man who promised the moon and then fled? How many lost their health and then their jobs?

How many lost their job because they had a heart attack?

How many have had to flee with their children to get to somewhere safe?

How many are working the fields every day to bring in the food that you take credit for?

Do you see my point? If you claim to belong to Jesus, you used to confess this.

You might work hard, but it has nothing to do with whether you are rich or poor. Your riches and your poverty don’t come by your efforts. They come from the hand of God.

Ecclesiastes 9:11

11 I have seen something else under the sun:

The race is not to the swift

or the battle to the strong,

nor does food come to the wise

or wealth to the brilliant

or favor to the learned;

but time and chance happen to them all.

And here is the thing that will make you really uncomfortable.

If God has made you poor, he will exalt you and give you riches you cannot imagine.

If God has made you rich, he will hold you accountable for how you use those riches.

1 Timothy 6:17–18 (NIV)

17 Command those who are rich in this present world not to be arrogant nor to put their hope in wealth, which is so uncertain, but to put their hope in God, who richly provides us with everything for our enjoyment.

18 Command them to do good, to be rich in good deeds, and to be generous and willing to share.

He expects wide open hands and wide open pocketbooks. Give, with the measure tamped down and overflowing, because it isn’t yours. He has just made you the caretaker for a little while, and he will check over the accounts when he comes for his vineyard.

That is the theology of scripture. You don’t have a choice and as a community we don’t have a choice. We must feed the hungry because what we have is loaned to us for a small time.

The single mom with kids? You have no idea what her story is. It doesn’t matter.

The man in line at the grocery using SNAP? You have no idea what his story is. He might be a slacker. He might be the hardest worker you have ever met. It doesn’t matter.

Muslem, Hindu, Jew, Palestinian, Christian, Atheist – makes no difference. No one should go hungry.

“What if their choices led to their poverty?” So what? Can you honestly say that your virtue has been so impeccable that you deserve every good thing you have? We all have fallen short in so many ways. That shouldn’t make us morose. It should make us laugh and sing and rejoice!

And it should make us generous. We should strive for policies that leave no one hungry or without healthcare, or without clean water. We might disagree on which policies work the best, but doing it isn’t an option. It MUST be done, Jesus requires it.

If you say, “Jesus is lord” you MUST strive to find a way to ensure that no one is hungry.

Jesus said, “What measure you use will be measured back to you.”

He is speaking in the context of judgment. If you are judging someone for being an evildoer, God will use that same judgment on you. This is what “judge not” means. If you are quick to point out flaws, God will be quick to point out yours.

To the subject at hand – if you are looking in the cart of that single mom with three crying kids and sneering at her cake mix, cookies and chips, think about God also looking at YOUR cart and using that same judgment…that’s the point.

It should make us thankful and filled with peace. It’s the path to loving your neighbor as yourself.

I want to be seen as someone with inherent dignity and honor; so I will choose to see my neighbor that way.

I want to have healthcare when I or my family are sick. I want to have enough to eat. I don’t want my neighbors judging me for what I choose to eat or not eat. I want to be seen and accepted.

The measure you use will be measured back to you. Do you want those things? Then also strive for them for your neighbor.

You should be happy that you have enough wealth to pay your taxes, so that your neighbor can also go to the doctor when they are sick. So that they can also eat when they are hungry and have clean water when they are thirsty.

And they should be able to have those things without judgment, without criticism, while being accepted as worthy of honor and dignity.

Why?

Because that is exactly what Jesus has done for you, when you didn’t deserve it. And he expects you to shine that same light on the world.

And just to clarify one of my pet peeves:

When you say, “Pull yourself up by your bootstraps” you are using a proverb that has the opposite meaning than what you intend. It is usually used to promote “rugged individualism”, but it actually means that we all need help and community.

Pulling yourself up by your bootstraps is actually impossible, which thinking people get. You don’t have the leverage, no matter how strong you are or how clever. It is against the laws of physics.

So also is the fiction that we can do it alone and don’t need any “charity”. Our next breath is because of the goodness of God. We all need community or we will all perish.

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October 1, 2025 · 12:45 pm

The white light and a STEMI

I finally pieced together what happened to me.
My office is secure, so I was in there alone and the door was locked. I had just picked up a sandwich from Jimmy Johns and it was on my desk. I hadn’t even opened it.

I remember an immense pain in my chest and an inability to get off the floor. I remember dreaming that I was home in bed with my wife, and then I woke up again. I couldn’t get my breath. The pain was unimaginable. I couldn’t get up, so I started kicking my door from the floor. A co-worker heard me. I passed out again.

When I came to again, the school nursing staff was there with me and the ambulance was on the way. At this point I was in and out of it. I remember unlocking my phone so the nurse could call Susan.

Susan met us at the ER in Faribault. I was in and out, but I woke up for a second and told her that she could have my sandwich. I didn’t get around to it.

They needed to get me to Abbot Northwestern – which is one of the top four heart hospitals in the country. But the storm coming in was too dangerous for the helicopters. So they loaded me into another ambulance. I remember the drivers being very kind but somewhere along the way, I lost consciousness and didn’t regain it again for over 24 hours. I woke with a tube in my throat, and Susan telling me I was going to be OK.

Very soon after that, my pastor came in and read Psalm 27 and prayed with me.

Much later, I found out what had happened. I had a STEMI, (Acute ST elevation myocardial infarction of the inferior wall) which is nicknamed the widow-maker because of the horrible mortality rate. This kind doesn’t sneak up and take you from behind, It is a full assault. When I was 8, my grandpa died of this kind of heart attack. He was only 55.

The doctor told me that often the first symptom is death.

While I was under, I was told that I flat-lined and had to be put on life support. I was on two machines – an ecmo and an impella for something less than 24 hours keeping me alive and the blood oxygenated and flowing. At this point, the doctor told Susan to be prepared for palliative care.

Technically, it is called cardiogenic shock. When they heart goes into cardiogenic shock because of a STEMI, the mortality rate is around 80 percent.

But God had other plans. Because there were so many hundreds of you praying, my heart was ready to go on its own. Yes, I believe that God used the skill of the surgeons and the EMTs and the nursing staff and so many other things to spare my life. God wasn’t ready for me to go yet. The surgeon was pretty astounded and took me off the machines.

I have no memory of any of that.

I have had questions about what I saw. The simple answer is nothing. I have no memories of that whole time.

After I woke, I had hallucinations behind by eyelids whenever I closed my eyes, but for the most part they were ugly and hateful.

I had one horribly ugly nightmare, so bad I talked to several doctors about it. The psychiatrist admits there is mystery, but told me it is most likely the mind trying to formulate and make sense of what the body has been through. That sounds good to me.

As for my view of the afterlife, yes, I believe that when I die I will see Jesus and be with him. But I don’t get my faith from dreams and visions, but from faith in his promises.

My dreams and visions during that time were mostly ugly and frightening.
My moments of calm and peace were from holding my wife’s hand; listening to my pastor read and pray, reading the notes from all of you

I will have some PTSD to work through. I’ll have some PT to do and heart rehab to do.

For those who believe they saw something of the afterlife having the same experience, I don’t judge. People are different. I can only say what my experience was.

I don’t find peace and joy through dreams, but through sitting with the ones who love me and whom I love, reminding each other of God’s promises and resting in our Savior, who promised to never let go of our hands, even in the valley of the shadow of death.

I don’t know what happened to my sandwich. Susan tells me I might have to eventually let it go.

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September 16, 2025 · 5:07 pm

On being woke

I’ve mostly blocked all those who cause me unrest or threaten me. But every once in a while I hear something like, “All my friends say you went woke.”

To me, that’s the strangest insult a professing believer can hurl at someone since “a friend of sinners”.

To be woke is to be awake. And it is the best thing that has happened to me, even though it often makes me want to rise with the roosters and scream at the new day.

I used to sleep through the abuse, the degradation, the sexual harassment, the racism, the horrors of American History –

Is it better being awake? I see the horrors. I feel deeply the hundreds of years of hopelessness degradation and pain inflicted on image-bearers of God in the cotton fields. I can’t even imagine the trauma. I can’t imagine being forced at gunpoint in the middle of the night to cross a river with your small children, watching them drown behind you with nothing you can do about it.

I can’t imagine watching drunken white men with rifles rape your wives and daughters and then kill them in front of you for fun.

And I can’t imagine whitewashing it, as if it didn’t happen. To repent means to fully acknowledge the pain you have caused and turn from it.

So yes, being awake hurts. It feels deep and cutting.

But I can’t sleep again. To be asleep to it is to be dead. To be alive and to love, and to feel brings pain, but also brings longing and hope and the eyes to look for a new day when justice rains down like water on a dusty land. How do you long for justice when you are dead?

I wish that everyone would wake up. I pray that the light of Christ would fill the soul with the same tears that fall over Jerusalem.

O, Evangelical Church in America! How often would Jesus have lifted you up in his loving arms and taught you love and mercy and grace and peace! How often would he have exchanged your nuclear weapons for joy! How often would he have torn down your walls and given you goodness and faith and love! But you would not. You exchanged it for pride and money and sex and entitlement and power. You found another way to break your own heart.

My tears are falling, but I’ll never be asleep again.

Arise, you who sleep, and rise from the dead, and Christ will give you light (Paul the apostle, from his letter to the Ephesians.)

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August 25, 2025 · 8:14 pm

When it bursts, then what?

I have to admit something. I struggle, as you have probably guessed. The Angry Orange Lunatic and his sycophants have cost me tremendously over the years in real life. And he hasn’t cost me near as much as he has cost our brown brothers and sisters, our trans friends, our gay friends – those who live in fear every day.

I watch men dragged away from their wives in tears. I hear the unfounded accusations, the blatant lies and false witness. I weep with all of the young women who have been raped by white men in power without any recourse, crying out for justice on this earth and seeing none.

I see beautiful cities run over by humvees and SS troops dragging homeless men and women out to die.

And worst of all, I see the evangelical and Reformed churches cheering and celebrating cruelty, lies, assault, groping, concentration camps…

And honestly, I struggle with hatred. I pray for the destruction of the enemies of humanity.

And it bothers me, because I really don’t want to become like them. I want beauty and harmony and peace. I want love and gentleness and safety – not just for me, but for all of God’s creatures.

Even the mouse that I told you about yesterday broke my heart and I couldn’t put out another glue strip since.

And I think of humans in God’s image locked in cages, fed almost nothing, no privacy, no dignity, no safety – and I see former friends and family that cheer on this administration, not in spite of the atrocities, but BECAUSE of the atrocities.

See. My blood starts to boil again. What do I do? I don’t want to live with rage. But I don’t want what is happening in the country to keep happening.

But what is even worse is this – it isn’t one man. It isn’t one group of men. It is the whole history of this country that this country is trying so desperately to whitewash.
It is the millions of Africans that we enslaved without hope, picking cotton year after year, generation after generation, without any agency, free will, value, dignity – and still lifting their heads up through it all and crying out for freedom. The image of God in them still bursting through the hell that the white church put them through.

It is millions of natives slaughtered, lands stolen, massacred – men, women and children. All of them living through trauma I will never know.

It millions of Latinos and Latinas fleeing death sentences working hunched over melon fields and lettuce fields to scrape a living, and now fleeing for their lives, hated and pursued like animals.

And it is knowing that I will be crucified online for being “woke” for saying it.

Fred Rogers was too soft for the adults in my childhood. They hated him, Bob Ross and men like him for being weak, and called out for “men to rise up and lead!!” The fruits of the spirit were never seen. Only strength, domination, control. Anything else was giving in to the hippies.

Orange Taco isn’t an anomaly. He’s the pustulous cancer that the rot of white supremacy pushed to a head. The pus started about the time of the first slave ship was brought over by the puritan and congregational landowners who couldn’t be assed to pick their own damn cotton. That pus has grown and grown, and now he’s about to burst, and then what? His followers will crawl into obscurity like every single other one of his sycophants, dressing like a chicken and singing for a few bucks like Rudy Giuliani. Selling one’s soul is never cheap, but there are still takers.
And when that pustule has burst, then what?

Will we see national repentance? Will we finally admit that people with melanin, and non-hetero or non-cis people, or people from other nations or other genders or other histories or other cultures or other religions are human beings in God’s image, loved as his creatures, redeemed as his creation and worthy of dignity, honor, freedom and love as much as we are?

Will we finally embrace the catholicity of God? Beyond race, beyond color, beyond culture, the creator and sustainer of all life, not just white males?

Or will we continue to shrivel up into ourselves like C S Lewis’s dwarves – “The Dwarves are for the Dwarves!” – refusing redemption, refusing beauty, refusing love and holding our damnable pride. Mowing over roses of hope and joy to erect concrete structures to beat the wicked heads against? Softness and beauty and subtlety gives way to power, and the rot that is left continues to destroy the soul.

I can’t make that choice for you. I know what I will do. I will take the rose that God gives as his gift to men. I will take beauty and gentleness. I will take courage and color and truth – and I will humbly leave God to judge the world, for he knows far better than I do how to go about it without destroying it.

I will try to deal with my anger the best I know how, and long for a better day when love prevails and I no longer have to watch such gleeful cruelty on my screen every day.

Come quickly, Lord Jesus. How we need you.

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