Profit and loss

Last summer I was walking through a grocery store and overheard two elderly gentlemen in a discussion. They were talking about the felony convictions of 47. They didn’t doubt he was a criminal felon. They talked about his rapes and they didn’t doubt them. They talked about his narcissism and psychotic tendencies.

And then I overheard one of them saying something I won’t forget.

“Well,” he said, “I’ll probably still vote for him. In the end I reckon he’ll put more money in my pocket than the other guy.”

That made me sad, and I thought about it.

The argument resonated with me because I was born and raised in those circles, so I’ve heard it before.

Cut taxes. Lower prices. Leave more money for all of us.

We were eventually tricked into thinking that this was the whole of the human experience.

I’m all for cutting waste and spending money wisely, but I think we need to remember what Jesus said over and over again.

What shall it profit a man if he gain the whole world and lose his soul?

I don’t think he was thinking about Grecian metaphysics, with a dichotomy between spirit and body. That was a bit of a foreign concept to Jewish thinking.

Soul meant something more profound. It could be translated “life”, or “breath”. Jesus could have been talking about death. What will it profit a man to gain everything this world has to offer and then die.

And that is true. Solomon had the same insights in Ecclesiastes.

But I don’t think that even that exhausts what Jesus is talking about. Because to the mind of a first century Jew, psyche meant something even more than that. It means everything that makes a human a human. It means the self, the part of humanity that was created to reflect God.

Living through these days, I think I am starting to get a glimmer.

If your whole life is consumed by profit, and the whole of your morality is who will leave the most money in your pocket, soon you will lose your very soul.

The music and the dancing. The part that plays with the cat.

The song and the poetry. The art and the novel.

Empathy for the outcast. Love for the neighbor. joy in colors and art and expression.

The glint of a rainbow on the tear of a shepherd, the rapturous joy in the final moments of Beethoven’s fifth symphony.

The chills of the entrance of the trombone in Prokofieff’s third piano concerto; the astounding skill of Caravaggio and the brilliance of Poe.

The perfect pairing of wine with each course of dinner. The beauty and joy of the embrace of love.

The first kiss. The first time someone spoke to you with respect. Your first time making love. Your first embrace.

The first time you found someone and realized that you were wanted and loved.

Standing in the middle of a lonely highway in Wyoming singing Mahler at the top of your lungs after one too many…(not that I have EVER done this).

Growing your hair long, or cutting it short. Wearing an earring, getting a tattoo.

Or having a conversation and sharing a glimpse of your soul in safety, without fear. It took me too long to realize the joy of that. I longed for that and never knew it.

And we forget beauty and freedom and love and joy – because we are afraid.

Egg prices get high. Gas gets high. Somebody is different than I am and wants to come to my church.

And all of the sudden you are afraid that you won’t be good enough or pure enough or strict enough to earn God’s favor because you did something wrong somewhere, or you accepted and loved a sinner, or were friends with a sinner on social media, so now God is going to remove his blessing.

And somewhere along the line, you forgot – Your blessings, your “money in the pocket” doesn’t come from a politician or from making the right choices, or from working hard or running faster or having stronger will power…

It comes from the uncontrollable, unlimited, incredible love and goodness of God.

As my pastor said this morning, “It’s God’s party, and he can invite who he wants.”

And that blows the mind.

Because the love of God is free. His love and blessing for you aren’t dependent on how well you perform. He delights in you and delights in your personality and your dancing and singing. He created you to laugh and sing, even though there are times when we weep and mourn – the laughter will come again. If we don’t crush it out of fear.

And when you know and feel that love of God given so freely to you, suddenly love becomes far more important that how much money is in the pocket. And then you might see that God’s resources are unlimited. There is enough for everyone. But God is calling us to step away from our vaults and our counting machines and our investment portfolios and our fear and learn to dance again.

Cast your bread upon the waters, For you will find it after many days. Give a serving to seven, and also to eight, For you do not know what evil will be on the earth. (Ecclesiastes 11:1-2)

Paul and Silas sang in prison. We can sing with expensive eggs. Maybe that is the lesson God is showing us. That the price of eggs isn’t worth the price of the soul.

Sing, dance, paint, write a poem. And more importantly than even that –

Let your neighbor draw, sing, paint, write and dance. His enrichment might actually enrich you.

It certainly won’t make you poorer.

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Filed under Hope, Love

I grieve

I am grieving, and have been for years.

In 2010, I had my world shattered with the reality of abuse, and the apparent inability of the Reformed world to address it.

I thought it was an anomaly; I thought that my colleagues would love to be trauma-informed and study with me how to better serve their neighbor.

Instead, they ignored me. They whispered their insults and names, and thought that I didn’t hear them. They started passing my blog around among themselves and shaking their head sadly.
I persisted.

In 2016, when Trump won the primary, I changed by party affiliation. I thought that the accusations that the GOP was racist, misogynist, abusive and greedy were simply slanders – and then they elected Trump and I realized that it wasn’t a slander. They said then “We’ll we don’t like a lot about him, but we can’t have Hilary, so we have to hold our nose of vote Trump.”

I watched my beautiful country and my beloved church become hard, contemptuous, hateful, divisive – and I realized that they didn’t vote Trump in spite of his revolting wickedness, but because of it. They liked it.

They liked his railing, his lies, his contempt, his hatred.

And then in 2020, on January 6th, I said, “Now they will see.” And they didn’t.

I watched my former friends and my former circles reject every single bit of morality that they preached about for years.

They twisted themselves into knots justifying everything he did.
“Let Trump be true, and every man a liar” became their motto.

He consistently and brazenly bragged about breaking every single commandment of God, and the evangelical, reformed world shouted AMEN.

I believed my church was concerned about morality. I was wrong.

I believed my country would wake up with the mountains of evidence piling up. I was wrong.

And here is why I am grieving now.

I now see that my country is Babylon. We used to side with the beautiful, the downtrodden and the oppressed.

Now America sides with the oppressor, the tormentors, the rich, the violent, the immoral, those who give and receive bribes.

We are no longer great. We are now Babylon, and the fall will be tremendous.

Every single characteristic of the beast and the false prophet given in the scripture matches our country and its religion to a tee.

And I am grieving the loss. I am weeping at the destruction to come.

And I can’t get over the fact that it was the “conservative church” that that enabled every step.

I grieve that what could have been such a powerful force for good sold its soul to an orange con man who can’t even string a complete sentence together coherently.

I grieve that the blindness is complete and now there is no one at the gate.

I grieve.

I grieve and I still write for the same reason that I started in 2010 – to give hope to the oppressed, that God sees and God judges and he will return in glory to bring back beauty once again.

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Filed under Abuse, Grief

The Gathering of Outcasts – Episode 4

https://www.podbean.com/media/share/pb-ht3ti-18a57a5

We discuss unity with Christ, the word “head”, how language works, and the theme of Ephesians.

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The Gathering of the Outcasts, episode 3

https://www.podbean.com/media/share/pb-h9xtu-189b662

We talk about the law of God, dominionism, theonomy and what the law revealed about God. We talked about the difference between the law and the gospel and how the gospel forms a marriage that is quite different than the authority/submission model of the Greco/Roman world, which is being brought back as “biblical” marriage.
But it is contrary to the gospel and contrary to love.

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The gathering of the outcasts – Episode 2

https://www.podbean.com/media/share/pb-ghscr-18907e0

The order of creation; is there order in the Trinity? What about submission?

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Love and Hate

I don’t think that republicans were either stupid or mislead in November. Trump’s character wasn’t a hidden secret. I think that they were motivated by hate and contempt. The hate of Maga had been fanned into flames for years on Fox and right wing radio, just like Rwanda in the 90s.

And they found someone who hated the same people they hated. And that was that. It didn’t matter that he had no character, no morals, no ability, no leadership, and no ideas. Hate was all that mattered. Now we reap the results.

But here is what bothers me. I fear for the future of our country. I fear for the immigrants, the women, the minorities, the children. It will continue to be a hateful, ugly mess for years to come. It might even destroy us unless someone stops it.

I have been fearful of that, and that is reasonable. But I’m starting to fear something else. I am starting to fear that those whose eyes are opened to this frightful mess will become hateful and contemptuous themselves, and the cycle will never end.

I see it in my own soul. I see the hatred blinding those who used to be friends and I get angry. Is my anger turning to hatred? I don’t know. I don’t think so. But I worry about it and pray about it.

I think maybe I need to spend less time following the dumpster fire. Not that it isn’t important to be involved and know what is going on. Social media has a very important role to play. Outrage can change politics and force action.

The question is how to express that outrage without becoming that which you despise…I don’t know if I have the answer.

But maybe after the outrage we should turn off the computer, pet the cats, watch the birds, have a scotch, read a poem, smile and wave towards the neighbors.

What good does it do to save humanity if we lose our humanity trying to save it?

I think that might be the lesson of the Republican Party. They became driven by hate for others and Donald learned how to tap into that hatred. It is all that matters.

But what good does it do to gain the whole world and win elections when you lose your soul doing it?

Now they cut art and music and libraries and healthcare, and help lines. As long as it is only the people they hate that are dying, they don’t care. It isn’t about budgets, it is about ugliness and contempt and revenge. The hatred that I have watched in the churches is now being acted out on the national stage.

So many conservative churches preach about the hatred of God for people they don’t like. They will preach on John 3:16, but the sermon is usually mostly about how it doesn’t mean what it says.

And it fires me up. Blasphemy and hatred and hurting image-bearers makes me really angry.

But in my anger, I need to remember beauty. That the one I am angry at is also an image-bearer of God. I want them to stop the hatred, but I want them to turn and learn about beauty and love.

But it isn’t easy, especially when those you love are being hurt, when children are separated from parents, when foreigners are targeted and criminals are celebrated and we live in the upside down.

But I think the only way to show the world that the country right now is upside down is if we refuse to be upside down ourselves.

So protest – but don’t forget beauty.

Picket – but feed your neighbor.

Withdraw from your MAGA congregation – but don’t let their evil consume you.

Learn to brush the dust off of your feet and not bring the uncleanness of the devil’s kingdom into your own home. You walk on holy ground.

I think this might be what Paul means when he said, “Be angry, and sin not.”

Don’t let the dust consume you.

Remember that there are always more with us than there are with them. There will be weeping for a night. There will be helplessness and hurt and pain and sorrow. There will be indescribable injustice. And who knows when God will deliver us from this evil time.

But the church has frequently been in hiding, so in hiding we might go. That’s OK. Jesus goes with us. It is the nature of this age. Resurrection comes, glory comes – but only after crucifixion.

Revelation 12:10–12 (NIV)

10Then I heard a loud voice in heaven say: “Now have come the salvation and the power and the kingdom of our God, and the authority of his Messiah. For the accuser of our brothers and sisters, who accuses them before our God day and night, has been hurled down.

11They triumphed over him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony; they did not love their lives so much as to shrink from death.

12Therefore rejoice, you heavens and you who dwell in them! But woe to the earth and the sea, because the devil has gone down to you! He is filled with fury, because he knows that his time is short.”

His time is short. That is why he is so angry. Be patient. Protest, protect, picket – but be patient.

The funny thing will be all the people who will respond with fury, contempt and hatred trying to convince me that they are not full of fury, contempt and hatred. Funny how that works.

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This isn’t about Politics

It’s about good and evil.

I agree with the sentiment that we shouldn’t let politics divide us.

Politics is about whether this group or that group should receive federal funds, whether to make a treaty with this country or that country, what is the best way to promote life and safety to the vulnerable population, and what the duties of the federal government are and what the duties of the states are..

There are historically sharp differences of opinions about politics. And there was a time when we could talk about them

But what we are experiencing now isn’t about politics.

I actually don’t expect anything different from the kakocracy we are living through now. They’ve been racist, sexist, criminal, felonious covenant breakers their whole lives and they continue to be so.

This isn’t about politics. It is about our soul. It is about the evangelical right wing and the continuous justification and hoops they have to jump through to continue to support this evil regime.

I cannot believe that we are having discussions about what constitutes a concentration camp.

I cannot believe that the White House can change their story completely within hours and everyone will still justify it.

I cannot believe that the felon in chief lies with the same ease that he breathes, and is still considered God’s Messiah.

I cannot believe that he isn’t in prison.

I cannot believe that every single one of the amendments to the constitution (except the second, go figure) have been threatened, ignored and broken, without consequence.

I cannot believe that the church I loved has become a haven for covenant breakers and a place of safety for molesters and robbers and thieves.

I cannot believe that those who profess Christ would rather send a transgender person to a death camp than remove a rapist from the White House.

If I have unfriended you, it isn’t because of politics. It is because I have seen what kind of a person you are, and don’t want any part of it.

The slaughterhouse in El Salvador isn’t a secret. The fact that none of those who were sent there had a trial isn’t a secret. The fact that Trump lies as he breathes isn’t a secret. All you have to do is compare what he says today with what he says tomorrow.

The fact that he is promising to send everyone who disagrees with him or stands up for the prisoner to a death camp isn’t a secret.

What bothers me more than anything is that the religious right isn’t blinded anymore. They actually WANT death camps, dictatorships, and slaughter.

Are you still saying “Well, he exaggerates” when he is actually doing what he said he would do?

Are you actually still talking about Hunter’s laptop, when American Gestapo are boarding trains asking for papers?

Are you still angry about Hillary when fathers are dragged away to die in foreign gulags “by mistake”?

Please ask yourself this: What if what you hear on Fox is actually wrong?

What if Jesus was right when he said, “You will know them by their love”.

Seems to me is it one or the other.

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Filed under Good and Evil

Gathering of the Outcasts – episode one

https://www.podbean.com/media/share/pb-nmirv-187b7e1

I introduce myself and speak of some of the challenges in Reformed Theology.

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The air you breathe

My father loved the Proverbs. He loved quoting them, preaching about them, warning his sons with them.

He would warn us about the dangers of the “scoffer”. He would warn us about tale-bearers who kept gossip and strife going because they loved chaos. (My dad loved words like “strife”; “meddling”; “tale-bearing”; It turns out, Solomon was right. So was Dad.

Mostly.

I took his words seriously. When I was growing up, the air that I breathed was the air of the scoffer. We mocked everyone and everything when we were schoolchildren. I have since commiserated with those friends of mine from decades ago, in awe that any of us survived. We used our tongues as weapons, ever the jesters on the feelings of those who weren’t as quick with the wit as we imagined ourselves to be. But then I realized that words hurt, and I really hated hurting people.

I thought I was funny. But I was mostly hurtful. I remember all the Proverbs on the scoffer and the one who mocks and the one who says “I was only joking” and my heart hurt.

Around 1990, my dad introduced me to Rush Limbaugh. He was entertaining. Every good Christian and right wing person listened to him.

When Clinton was elected in ‘92, Rush exploded in popularity. Do you remember him playing “My ding-a-ling” as Madeline Albright’s theme song? Do you remember how you would mock Jesse Jackson’s name every time he said it?

If you knew my dad, you would know how out of character it would be for him to laugh at Rush’s masturbation jokes. But he did.

It was about that time that I turned Rush off and went back to listening to my CD’s in the car.

I, like every good Christian, got my news from Fox. Fair and balanced, unlike the libtard mainstream media….hahahaha.

But something happened gradually. The news turned into people just yelling at each other. There would be on two or four windows of obnoxious people shouting over each other, mocking each other, contemptuously railing on each other. I realized that I was poisoning myself with the air around me.

I hated it. I couldn’t watch more than 30 seconds of it.

And now, of course, I know that most people who lean right are saying “But MSNBC is just as bad. But the liberals are just as bad. WHAT ABOUT HILLARY’S EMAILS!!!”

Dunno. Never watched MSNBC either. I was always more apt to watch Friends reruns than the news anyway.

Scoffing, contempt, mocking, fear, demonization – it drives up ratings and eventually puts madmen in power. It changes how we think.

My father hated the uncouth. He hated jeans. He hated impolite language. He never talked about sex. He hated rudeness.

And then came Rush Limbaugh and Sean Hannity.

The air that we breathe can make us alive, like the crisp fresh tang of a bright spring morning; or it can cause us to wither and die, like smog in Beijing.

Right wing media is smog in Beijing. It poisons the mind. And yeah, the left wing…blah blah blah blah. I don’t care. I don’t listen to any of it.

The left wing didn’t destroy my church and my family. So excuse me for not jumping on the bandwagon.

But I digress.

When the news companies got websites, I checked out the Fox website, just to see if I could get news without the noise.

And flashing everywhere were headlines – “Is Jennifer Aniston sleeping with Russell Crowe??” or some such thing. And then you’d click on it, and the story would be “Friends and acquaintances say that Aniston and Crowe don’t even know each other, and never met. And that was the story. Or whatever the details were. It was 25 years ago.

Now they call it “click bait” and I hate it. It is simply what my dad used to call “Tale bearing”. The hints of a story with just enough credibility behind it to destroy someone.

Fox did it with celebrities. Left leaning politicians. And I was angry. It was as if being a celebrity or a politician took away all obligation of Christians to not bear false witness. You could destroy someone for ratings and the church would cheer.

This was the only news that the right would watch. Every Christian watched Fox, you know.

And lives were destroyed. The followers of Christ were poisoned by the air that they breathed. Reputations destroyed. Hillary eating babies; Bill hiding pedophiles. And then an hour or so of people screaming over each other.

Jump ahead a few years.

I once talked to a man who was a member of a Reformed church his whole life. Avid Trump fanatic. He told me that when he watched that first debate in 2016, he knew that Trump was the guy to save America.

I didn’t watch the debate. I haven’t watched a debate in years. See above for my reasons. But I heard the sound bites.

Donald had nothing constructive or positive to say. He simply mocked, scoffed, gestured, insulted and ridiculed. It is what he does.

And it occurred to me. The church didn’t flock after Donald IN SPITE of his contempt and hatred. They flocked after him BECAUSE of it. It is what they wanted.

They were catechized by 30 years of Rush and Fox News.

When Rush and Fox were first starting, I asked my dad “Dad, how can you follow this? You’ve always hated that kind of thing”. and he said, “It’s just entertainment. We aren’t electing Rush president.”

Until we did. Only we elected someone far, far worse.

We were poisoned by the air that we breathed.

Turn off the talk radio. Turn off the news. Do something beautiful.

Go talk to your neighbors who might be different than you.

Quit acting the fool. We are better than that. We are the people of the living God.

Listen to Cory Booker, and learn how to talk to people. He knows Christ, so he knows how to talk to people.

But turn the poison off.

That’s all.

Have a great weekend.

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Filed under Light, Words

How did we get here?

I’ve spent a lot of tears and a lot of meditation on how we got here.

How did a morally bankrupt criminal and his billionaire cronies manage to pull the wool over so many eyes?

I feel so alone. The church I used to love and cherish has gone maga, shouting “The voice of a god, and not a man” at an idol, while shouting for the blood of the outcast, the orphan, the widow and all who eat and drink with publicans and sinners.

I think we may have been here before.

I know I feel helpless. There is no atrocity, no corruption, no act of terror or outrage or betrayal that will convince them. Right now, as we speak, the most horrendous betrayals are happening. Brown and black people are rounded up without trial and shipped of to notorious torture dungeons, and the church shrugs, much like the evangelicals of old shrugged when slaves were publicly horsewhipped or burned, or “heretics” publicly burned at the stake.

How did we get here?

I am not a historian. I can only speak of what I have seen and what I know.

Having been brought up in evangelical and reformed circles, there was an honor reserved for the rich man that was not given to the poor man.

In fact, the most trouble I ever caused as a pastor was preaching on James 2.

2 My brothers and sisters, believers in our glorious Lord Jesus Christ must not show favoritism. 2 Suppose a man comes into your meeting wearing a gold ring and fine clothes, and a poor man in filthy old clothes also comes in. 3 If you show special attention to the man wearing fine clothes and say, “Here’s a good seat for you,” but say to the poor man, “You stand there” or “Sit on the floor by my feet,” 4 have you not discriminated among yourselves and become judges with evil thoughts?
5 Listen, my dear brothers and sisters: Has not God chosen those who are poor in the eyes of the world to be rich in faith and to inherit the kingdom he promised those who love him? 6 But you have dishonored the poor. Is it not the rich who are exploiting you? Are they not the ones who are dragging you into court? 7 Are they not the ones who are blaspheming the noble name of him to whom you belong?  (Jas 2:1–7).

Was the church sleeping when this was read? Are we not living in the same day with the same beliefs?

We have let a billionaire foreigner have access to the most secure databases, and the defense I have heard from the church is “He’s a genius. He knows how money works.”

The idea is that because he is so rich, he must be moral, just, capable of making wise business decisions, and running the lives of billions of people.

But the Bible has a different view. Isn’t it the rich who are exploiting you?

Aren’t they they ones dragging the poor into court? Aren’t they the ones blaspheming the name of Christ?

But we excuse it because they are rich. They must know what they are doing.

“He’s a businessman. He makes sound decisions.” How do we know? Because he is rich.

Therefore he must be wise.

This has a long history in America. The rich landowners were the members of the churches. They bought the pews. If you couldn’t afford the family pew, you could sit in back. If you were black, you could just leave and go somewhere else.

In fact, as I think about it, I believe this was the main reason why there were dress codes in evangelical churches. Even in my lifetime, there were many who wouldn’t dare show up without a suit and tie. I still feel a little guilty when I go to church in flannel.

And the excuse was “Doesn’t an audience with God deserve your best? You wouldn’t go to lunch with the president dressed in flannel…”

Again, there is the motif of wealth=worth. The real reason that men wore suits and women wore dresses was to separate the rich from the poor. The black slaves wore rough cloth, the poor sharecropper only had one set of pants and no water. A poor man isn’t welcome.

A homeless man isn’t welcome. Only those who can dress the part will be welcomed to the church.

And as kids we all watched our parents gush over how much money someone made. How nice their car was. How big their house was.

Full bank accounts was called “good stewardship”.

And woe be to the poor woman using a few pennies to buy a treat for her kids, or using SNAP for a bit of Ice Cream after a hard week.

“Look at her” they’d say. “Using my hard-earned money on junk food. Total waste. Millions down the drain. We better take away her money and give it to someone who knows how to use it.”

Examine your hearts, please. Do we not automatically think of a well-dressed, wealthy man as morally superior to the poor man who can’t catch a break?

Don’t we do exactly what James warns us of?

How often have you heard sermons on how to be good stewards.

How to increase wealth in Jesus’ name.

You don’t even have to be as blatant as Kenneth Copeland about it. It pervades everything.

We gawk at “The lifestyles of the rich and famous” and mock the poor man. It is bred into us.

It is time to break the cycle.

What can we do?

We can’t give our balls to Mike Johnson. We can’t donate our spine to Mitch McConnell. We can’t follow footsteps on the sea. And you can’t talk sense to a person who professes love for Christ and worships a rapist. A double-minded man is unstable in all his ways.

But here is what you CAN do. You can repent of covetousness.

You can quit praising a man as a good steward because he is rich. Rich doesn’t mean he is either good or bad. It simply means that God has given him that which he doesn’t deserve.

None of us do, by the way. And we need that perspective to put off covetousness.

God gives to each exactly what he wishes to give to each. To some he gives great wealth and calls them to use that wealth to love their neighbor, the poor, the orphan, the widow.

To build hospitals and places of beauty and libraries and never, ever exploit or crush or extort. And never take the poor to the courts in order to take the little they have.

And the poor – be rich in faith. Be kind and courageous. Speak words of truth and honor. Don’t honor the rich man because he is rich, and don’t dishonor him because he is rich. He is a human like you are, and ought to be judged by character, not his bank account, just as we would like others to do for us.

Teach your kids not to look at a person’s car or clothes, but at their kindness and dignity. How to they talk to the custodian and server? How do they treat their spouses and kids? How do they honor those whose sins are different than their sins?

Is the trans community safe with them? Will gay children find a resting place in their home when they have been driven out everywhere else?

There is a quiet dignity in godliness with contentment, and Paul says that means everything.

How different the church would be if we didn’t spend millions on building programs and weird universities with weird theologies and weird statues, selling our souls to the industrialists and conmen and instead honored the poor man who had wisdom.

Or the widow with character. Or the outcast with kindness and dignity.

What can we do? Break the cycle. Quit worshiping money and those who pretend to have it.

Start honoring character, and the cycle will break.

It might be too late for our society. The wolves have already been given the keys to the henhouse and the shepherds have run off. They loved the money, and their purse was threatened.

You can only be courageous in times like these if you are not afraid of their curses and threats. And you can only do that if you lay aside the worship of money.

God makes our idols ridiculous. But we still bow down, even when they are killing us.

May God have mercy.

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