Tag Archives: trauma

Apologetics and Trauma

My seminary education was pretty standard for a Presbyterian/Reformed student.
It was Master’s Level work. Intense on Systematics, Greek, Hebrew, Exegesis, History and so on, and I am truly thankful for the grounding I received in classical theology.

One area that was a deficit, in my opinion, which is pretty typical in Reformed Presbyterians: I had 5 (!) semesters of Apologetic classes. FIVE. Apologetics, for those who are not Christians or otherwise not familiar with the term, is the study of the defense of Christianity. Originally, it was a study of the arguments of the ancient Martyrs in response to the powerful state which had outlawed Christianity. You can find examples of Paul defending his faith in the book of Acts.

Now, though, it is a bit different. Now, apologetics studies the ancient apologists, but it is mostly a study on how to argue with an educated atheist at a Starbucks and win the argument.

Part of the problem was an obsession with Van Til (iykyk) and “presuppositionalism”, and part of it is the absolute refusal of Reformed and Presbyterian churches to engage with the actual culture of the day. They tend to not understand or not care, what makes people tick.

So I had five semesters on how to argue with people, and how all of the classical theologians were wrong until Van Til came along and sorted them all out.

But could you guess how many classes I had on the effect of trauma in the body and the mind?
zero. Not one. Not even mentioned. Never came up, even once.

My professors still thought that most people had these carefully crafted arguments against Christianity that we could dismantle with skill and learned responses. But in the 20 years since I completed seminary, I never once met a person who carefully crafted intellectual arguments against Christianity, who was just waiting for me to come along and set them straight.

Most of the defense of the faith that I was doing was defending the faith against the religious right who thought that their worship of power and money was Christianity.
They didn’t listen any more than the guy at Starbucks listened. It was simply an intellectual exercise, and not worth the price of the coffee.

Because most people are just trying to survive. The religious right is trying to protect the world from perceived enemies, being afraid of everything.

And everyone else is just trying to make it through another day.

They are trying to deal with a husband who beats them, or rapes them every night.
They are trying to deal with the flashbacks of what their Sunday School teacher did to them, and how no one believed them.
Or trying to deal with the fact that they are attracted solely to the same sex and can’t change no matter what they do and are convinced that God hates them
Or trying to deal with the time their dad beat their dog to death when he had too much to drink.
Or trying to get through the day when they can’t find one reason to hope or stay alive and they just want the pain to stop.
Or trying to bury the shame of losing their virginity to the smelly guy with zits who promised he would love you forever.

Or trying to drown out the voices that continually say that they are no good, worthless, hopeless and will never be worthy of love.

And the downfall of Reformed thinking is this:
Mankind only has two problems:
One is sin, and if they just repent everything will be fine.
Two is bad presuppositions about life. And if I just explain the Christian world and life view, you will be able to make the right choices and everything will be just fine.

Anything beyond that doesn’t fit into the world-view. And therefore cannot be seen.

When they see the homeless girl, or the drug addict – they are only capable of seeing someone who made bad choices. They cannot see and will not see trauma, hopelessness, mental illness…These are things they can’t control, and Reformed theology is all about control. If I do the right things, bad things can’t happen.

And they have no room for anyone who challenges that viewpoint.

What I was taught was to listen to someone carefully in order to discern what choices they made that led them to where they are now, so I could call them to repentance, and excommunicate them if they didn’t repent…

OR – find out where their presuppositions were in error so I could correct them and change their thinking. Trauma, isolation, loneliness, hopelessness, the human condition, never entered into it.

And very soon in my professional ministry I saw the worthlessness of that approach. I didn’t know what else to do then, so I just listened.

And when I listened, I learned. And I learned about trauma and so much else.

I learned that stories told in safe places led to healing.

So my goal in ministry was not to fix people. But to provide a safe place for stories to be told. and encourage professional therapy. And to give room and patience and hope to the dying soul before me.


My two bits.

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Zero Tolerance

When Dear Leader bemoaned domestic assault as a little fight that is bringing down his crime statistics, most of the world was appalled.

But I’ve been hearing that for decades in the church. I’ve heard the same sentiment from so many pastors and elders I’ve lost track. Here are just a few:

“He just knocked her around a little. It wasn’t real abuse.”

“He just gets frustrated sometimes and mouths off. Doesn’t everyone?”

“Sometimes she just pushes his buttons and he loses control.”

Most of you have heard all of this before.

My view hasn’t changed. I’ve been speaking against the epidemic of abuse in the church since 2012. I’ve heard so many pastors and elders tell me that they hate abuse, they are against abuse, they appreciate abuse – they’ve just never seen abuse.

One man (an elder) told me that “everyone knew that she would wear long sleeves to cover the bruises, and sometimes her eyes would be black. But what can you do? We spoke to him and he apologized. Eventually we had to excommunicate her because she wouldn’t forgive.”

So in the Reformed and Evangelical churches it isn’t that they don’t believe the women. They just don’t care.

When Donald Tr#mp won the primary in 2016, I changed my political party. It was a very difficult thing to get used to. Up until then, I thought abuse, degradation, racism, misogyny and rape were fringe and we stood a chance fighting against it.

When he won, my heart sank and all the spirit went out of me. The spirit of abuse and assault that I had been speaking out against for years became incarnate in an ugly, despicable orange ball of sleaze and won the votes of millions. Even those who had been allies and friends in standing against abuse – they turned their backs on everything they stood for, knowing full well what a troll they were putting in office.

It was as if every child rapist, and every abusive husband, and every covenant-breaking cheat, and every thief and con man became one man – and he painted himself orange and hated everyone.

And all of my friends ate it up. I’ve spent more nights awake than I care to remember.

And it didn’t stop. He stopped even pretending to be anything remotely moral in 2024 and ran on a platform of revenge and spite – and everyone still voted for him.

And now, even if he dies tomorrow, we have a far larger problem in America. The millions that knowingly drank the orange Kool-Aid are still there.

But I think that even worse than Donald being Donald is the spirit that just refuses to see it, refuses to stand up, refuses to say enough.

I don’t want war. I don’t want tanks in the cities. I don’t want violence. Becoming like the Religious Right isn’t the solution.

So how can we, who are disgusted by the whole thing, fight back in a way that is honoring to God?

And I think it is here: Zero tolerance.

We have sat too long in sermons where teenage girls are portrayed as sex object, and didn’t object. Where women are objectified. Where foreigners are mocked.

We have spent too much money on the big evangelical machine that put that same money into electing an evil, twisted human.

We have put too much money in the pockets of James Dobson and followers of Wilson. We have tolerated racial slurs, degradation of humans. We have sat quietly while members of our church talk loudly about F*gg*ts, libtards, feminazis.

We have tolerated Doug Wilson’s books in our book tables. We have filled conferences with the worst sort of people.

We allowed MacArthur and Piper to thrive while our wives and daughters shriveled and died. We gave our money to the worst sorts of humans because they pretended to have a holy calling. We were duped. No more.

We listened to our friends tell us how George Floyd and Emmitt Till should have listened to their betters. We have forgotten about Central Park, Oscarville, Tulsa, Clearlake, Trail of Tears, so many others.

We quit talking about justice for black and brown neighbors. We listen to our friends do their locker talk and pretend it is normal.

We listen quietly disapproving while our colleagues mock the disabled, mock the weak, mock the poor. We listen to the blowhard gripe about the women using SNAP to buy a birthday cake while pouring the concrete for his new summer patio.

I think enough is enough, don’t you?

Zero tolerance. Write your checks to women’s shelters instead of big ticket conference tickets. Let’s put an end to the big evangelical machine. Enough is enough and it isn’t even Christian anyway. Give your money to food banks, sexual assault advocates, domestic violence advocates – but not if they have a fish on their advertisements. Only give if they serve all humans as humans.

When your pastor objectifies his wife, or speaks of teenage girls showing shoulders, walk out. Any mention of hemlines, or clavicles, or purity rings, or tempting men…walk out. We know where it leads now. A little leaven leavens the whole lump. Purge it out.

When he talks about “leadership roles for men” get up and leave. We know where it leads now.

When he values women only because of their ability to make babies, walk out.

If you are able, bring a charge. It won’t go anywhere. Patriarchy is too enmeshed. But don’t tolerate that leaven for another second. It leavens everything.

Remember Phillies Karen? I wish we had the same energy when it came to alienating and exposing the worst men among us. The CEO at the Coldplay concert? That’s what I’m talking about. Zero tolerance.

Expose the darkness. The crude, racist jokes; the sexual innuendo; the misogynistic banter; the “boys will be boys” talk. The ridicule of the poor; the rounding up of the foreigner, the chaining of the Asians – if you are going to support that, I’m going to call you on it. I’m done.

Say out loud – Enough. You won’t talk like that around me. You won’t call your wife that around me. You won’t joke about how that black man deserved what he got around me. You won’t degrade or contemn someone’s humanity around me. You won’t involve yourself in their sexual or gender choices. You won’t use slurs in the line and the grocery store. I’m done. If you want to act like a horrible person, I’m going to call you on it. You can call me woke, SJW, or whatever you want. I’ve been called worse.

But it ends here. No more.

If you want to fight back with whatever power you have, join me. Make it really uncomfortable for people

to be horrible around you.

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Engaging a Muscovite

My goal is to bring peace to the soul. So I offer this suggestion for the furtherance of a quiet and peaceful spirit.

If you try to reason with a Doug Wilson supporter, it is not possible for you to succeed. The evidence of his wickedness in thought, word and deed is so ponderous at this point that the only way someone would continue to support him is if there is something drastically wrong with his (or her) soul.

If you quote something horrendous that Wilson has said, they will tell you that you are quoting it out of context.

If you accuse him of racism, bigotry, supporting white supremacists and child molesters, they will demand proof.

If you supply proof in the form of 100 quotes, publications, videos and blogs, they will accuse you of being on a witch hunt.

If you point out the volumes of proof on his plagiarism, they will throw someone else under the bus and defend their pope at all cost, even though Pope Wilson’s name is on the books. It will always be “someone else’s fault”.

If you accuse his fanboys of adultery, child rape, domestic abuse, or any other horrendous crimes, no matter what proof you have, it will always be the fault of the woman, the child or the wife.

They seduced him, they flaunted themselves at him, they wouldn’t obey him quick enough…

If you state his positions in his own words, and then quote the hundreds of churches and centuries of church history that have declared him wrong, you will get demands to provide your prooftexts.

If you disengage at this point, you will be accused of cowardice and false witness, as if you are throwing out accusations without evidence.

If you decide to engage, it will not matter how many passages you cite, they will change the definitions of words, twist your words, invent new doctrines out of cloth, misdirect and finally accuse you of hating the bible and being a liberal and “what is wrong with America”. They will take “Gaslighting” to staggering new levels.

If you say that he publicly called two women “c***s” they will accuse you of slander.

If you provide the evidence where in his own words on his own blog he called two women a couple of “c***s” they will accuse you of taking it out of context, justifying the language because of “culture wars” and say that he is a little “salty” at times but that doesn’t take away all the good that he is doing…

You will also be accused of being effeminate, against the gospel, a feminist, a communist, a troublemaker, a sower of strife. If you are a woman, you will be called a Jezebel with a Jezebel spirit.

When you have members of your congregation who support Wilson, or refuse to acknowledge his wickedness, they will eventually destroy your congregation. They always do.

I am close to sixty years old now. 30 years ago, I decided foolishly to engage a Wilson supporter. I will never do so again.

Sometimes, they trick you into thinking that you are engaging with them in an honest discussion in a Christlike way. But the point is not truth or love. The point is to suck you in and destroy your peace. They are not interested in discovering the truth. They only want to destroy you.

They speak of warfare, and they mean every word.

There is only one way to engage a Wilsonite. Click on their profile. Go to where it says, “Friends”, and select “Block.”

This will need to be repeated on all of your social media channels.

Be careful on Messenger, because they often use their wife’s profile to suck you back in.

It is always a trap.

It is for this reason that I will never, under any circumstances, join any sort of discussion group with the word “Reformed” or “Presbyterian” or “Calvinist” or “pub” in the title. Those places are their hives. It’s where the hornets live. They will sniff you out in minutes and go after you, your family, your kids, your friends.

It’s a shame, really, because there is much in Reformed theology that I still find quite edifying. But now Reformed and Presbyterian churches have a fatal flaw.

They have never used hornet spray. Yes, they have said, “Now, don’t be nasty, hornets. Now stop being that way, hornets. But they have never gotten out the spray and run them out. They have sacrificed the people of God in order to provide a hive for the hornets. And now the nests have taken over and will destroy everything they touch.

And I know that now the hornets will come out demanding proof and scripture and writings, and hours and hours of work from me, which I will decline. It has been documented far, far more than anything Dahmer did, anything Bundy did, or anything that any criminal has done. The amount of documentation is staggering. The only way to pretend to not know it is to be purposefully closing your eyes. So excuse me if I don’t engage.

Again, only one way to further peace. “Block.” “Delete”; “repeat.”

I always imagined that the False Prophet would be way cooler and far more seductive than that guy.

 

If you have been stung one too many times by the hornets and don’t think you will ever find peace, book some time with me at www.sampowellministries.com

 

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