Tag Archives: Christianity

The patriarchy ends at Christmas

Anyone who has read through or has tried to read through the Old Testament has run into the genealogies. You know, the “He beget so and so-s” that seems to go on interminably.

But there is a reason for them. God promised that he would send a redeemer. Through Abraham, through Isaac, through Jacob, through David, Solomon and so forth.

He promised that through the nation of Israel, he would redeem every nation on earth. Israel was his “firstborn son” and would inherit everything in the heavens and the earth if they were obedient and faithful. And so fathers beget sons, the Lord “seeking the godly seed”.

Originally, the patriarch of the family served as the priest for the family, but this went away when Aaron and his sons were appointed. It wasn’t “fatherhood” that made men priests. It was the promise of God pointing to his “godly seed”.

For even the sons of Levi needed purifying. Even Israel needed redeeming.

Throughout the Old Testament, you read about slaughters, murders, destruction, executions, rapes, slavery, idolatry, sacrificing children to Molech. God eventually cast Israel away. They would not be the firstborn son that God was seeking.

Jeremiah 15:3–6 (RSV)
3 “I will appoint over them four kinds of destroyers, says the LORD: the sword to slay, the dogs to tear, and the birds of the air and the beasts of the earth to devour and destroy. 4 And I will make them a horror to all the kingdoms of the earth because of what Manasseh the son of Hezekiah, king of Judah, did in Jerusalem.
      5 “Who will have pity on you, O Jerusalem,
      or who will bemoan you?
      Who will turn aside
      to ask about your welfare?
      6 You have rejected me, says the LORD,
      you keep going backward;
      so I have stretched out my hand against you and destroyed you;—
      I am weary of relenting.

In case you were wondering how a God of love could do this, remember what Manasseh did. He burned children alive as sacrifices to Molech. The air of Jerusalem was filled with the screams of children and the weeping of mothers.

But the God of Love redeemed even Manasseh eventually. (But that is another story).

For our story, God had cut Israel off. This is Satan’s great work. He is the accuser. He says, “God, how can you be just? Look at the atrocities that your people are committing? And yet you continue to permit them to live. How can you be just? If you declare them righteous, you are the worst judge ever. If you declare them guilty, then how can they be saved? It looks like you are stuck to me.”

The scary part is that Satan was right. How can a judge be just and allow the atrocities that God allows? And if God’s justice responds to rape and murder and hate and theft and war and greed and the slaughter and starvation of children then how can he be Love?

But the genealogies continued. It is almost as if God wasn’t listening. Everyone is waiting. What will he do?

And while the world waits for God’s response, like Habakkuk on the tower, the genealogies continue.

1 Chronicles 3:16–24 (RSV)
16 The descendants of Jehoiakim: Jeconiah his son, Zedekiah his son; 17 and the sons of Jeconiah, the captive: Shealtiel his son, 18 Malchiram, Pedaiah, Shenazzar, Jekamiah, Hoshama, and Nedabiah; 19 and the sons of Pedaiah: Zerubbabel and Shime-i; and the sons of Zerubbabel: Meshullam and Hananiah, and Shelomith was their sister; 20 and Hashubah, Ohel, Berechiah, Hasadiah, and Jushab-hesed, five. 21 The sons of Hananiah: Pelatiah and Jeshaiah, his son Rephaiah, his son Arnan, his son Obadiah, his son Shecaniah. 22 The sons of Shecaniah: Shemaiah. And the sons of Shemaiah: Hattush, Igal, Bariah, Neariah, and Shaphat, six. 23 The sons of Neariah: Eli-o-enai, Hizkiah, and Azrikam, three. 24 The sons of Eli-o-enai: Hodaviah, Eliashib, Pelaiah, Akkub, Johanan, Delaiah, and Anani, seven.

I know… long and dull. But in the midst of all of these names, there was still hope. Fathers beget sons and the world waited for the Son of David.

There is even a hint of what is to come – Shelomith, his sister… Is this about patriarchy, rule, power, strength and control? That way already came to a bloody end when Jehoiakim was taken captive. What does Shelomith the daughter of Zerubbabel have to do with the promise of the coming Son of David? (Hebrew: Messhiach- the anointed)

C.S. Lewis said through the mouth of Aslan “there is a deeper magic that the witch doesn’t know” (The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe).

She knows about the magic of the natural order. She knows about the “soul that sins shall die.” She knows about law and order, about justice, and all of the “begets”. And she knows how to wage war and pit God’s justice against God’s love, which is really all that patriarchy has to offer.

But there was a “deeper magic” that she didn’t understand, written before the foundation of the world.

The “seed of the woman” would crush the head of the serpent.

Through all of the begets, one right after another, the deeper magic seemed forgotten. Perhaps God is reminding us by mentioning a daughter that he hadn’t forgotten the deeper magic

How can a woman has a seed? Men have seed (Latin: semen). There is something outside of and beyond the natural order that will come through and redeem the world of murder and hatred and racism and genocide and death.

The New Testament starts with…a genealogy. The very first words of the good news: “The book of the genealogy of Jesus Christ…”

You have probably skipped it every time you read the Christmas Story. I do too.

But this year, take a minute and go through it. Each name – the heartache, the loss, the fear of death, the judgment, the destruction, the wars, the earthquakes, the crucifixions and impalings and slow tortures. The harems of the rich, the abandonment of the daughters, the harsh rule of cruel men and the viciousness of cruel women.

And the brokenness and loneliness and hunger and want and nakedness and terror. The slaves without hope, the widows starving at the gates, the orphans, the desperate, the prisoners, those condemned to death.

And another “beget” and another. Another. Another.

And then – Jesus Christ.

And please hear me now. This is crucial:

This is the last genealogy in the Bible.

(Yes, I know about Luke. That is parallel, it doesn’t come after Matthew).

All of the genealogies from Adam through the centuries of pain and promise end with Jesus, the deeper magic.

He has no wife and no son. And he was the “seed of the woman”. Mary, the virgin, gives birth without a man at all.

The deeper magic – where God’s love and God’s justice meet in one Human, the True Israel of God, the second Adam, the godly seed, the righteous Son of David, and the heir of all things. He is the perfect, obedient, loving Son of God who inherits where Adam failed and Israel failed.

And because he was the “seed of the woman” he begins a new humanity out of the ruins of the old. Where love and inclusion and peace and justice all kiss each other perfectly. He doesn’t do away with the human race, he delivers it. All of the rot and fear and shame and guilt he nails to the cross as the representative of the Human Race, the second Adam, and lifts it all out of the dust of death at his resurrection.

And the power of the Accuser is taken away. And yes, his voice is very powerful. He alternates between calling for the destruction of the wicked to the destruction of your own heart. Look at that filth. Look at it! How can God love someone like you?

And we reply – look at the cross. Better, look at the resurrection! Look at the one who created the universe laying in a manger. The power of mankind doesn’t save anyone, and ends up the same way every time. Death, slaughter of innocents, rape, abuse and greed.  A different order is needed, where weakness crushes the serpent. Where bruised heels disarm and destroy.

The era of patriarchy ended on Christmas. Paul tells us that the seed of the woman, born under the law, redeems us from the curse of the law.

And now, the blessing of Abraham (that we will become the heirs of the world) is fulfilled in us. The curse of the old magic is taken away; the blessing of Abraham is freely given in Christ.

Whether you are male or female, slave or free, rich or poor, you are a firstborn son because Jesus is the firstborn son, and everything he has he gives to you.

Galatians 4:4–7 (RSV)
4 But when the time had fully come, God sent forth his Son, born of woman, born under the law, 5 to redeem those who were under the law, so that we might receive adoption as sons. 6 And because you are sons, God has sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, crying, “Abba! Father!” 7 So through God you are no longer a slave but a son, and if a son then an heir.

And Paul’s whole point in the book of Galatians is this:

Why on earth would anyone want to return to the law? The “magic” of the natural order? It only leaves us condemned. The rule of hierarchy, of supremacy, of patriarchy, of might makes right, destroys humankind! Why would anyone want to return?

The modern lust for patriarchy only brings ruin and death. It is disguised as Christianity, but it is the religion of Manasseh – we appease the stingy gods with the sacrifices of our wives and our children and maybe if we are hard enough on sinners God will be merciful to us.

Thus the lust to crush and destroy those that the powerful deem as “sinners”.

Our president vowed to crush Somalis. We won’t be great until we rid the world of “garbage”. This isn’t Christianity. This is Baal.

This is why the modern evangelical church wages war against LGBTQA+. “God can’t bless America with this filth!”

And on and on it goes. Rid the world of sinners so God can bless us again!

And they will erect the nativity scenes and miss the point entirely.

It isn’t the firstborn seed of the virile man that will change the world.

It is the seed of the woman. In ways you won’t ever expect.

A glass of water. A bit of food. A place to sleep. A kind word. And a willingness to endure reproach for being a “friend of sinners”, just as Jesus was.

This is Christmas. And you can celebrate it aright by ridding yourselves of the remnants of the old magic, and embrace the new humanity, where all are firstborn sons in Jesus Christ.

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Does God Like Me?

You’re fat.

You’re stupid.

No one even likes you.

You are worthless.

If it wasn’t for me, no one would even tolerate you.

There are millions who were raised by cruel and harsh men and women who have never known a kind word; who have never known what it is to be accepted or loved.

We learn our place in the world from those around us when we are little. Every child is born looking for someone looking for them. Does anyone delight in me? Do I have a place in this world?

Children can’t talk all the way through this or make sense of this. But they pick up the clues.

“Am I safe?”

“Am I loved?”

“Am I acceptable?”

In my family, I was the weird one. I thought that if I could be more like the acceptable people, perhaps my mother would love me. So I put on so many different types and personalities. I learned that I was on my own. I didn’t have a support group.

But I also learned that God was like this as well. If I could find the formula, if I could do everything just right, if I could say my prayers right, and find out whatever it was I was missing, perhaps God would accept me as well.

And yes, I know that “Jesus paid it all” and that God loves me because, well, he has too, doesn’t he?

But does God actually like me?

Have you heard parents that say, “I love you, but I sure don’t like you right now”?

I think sometimes that God thinks like this as well. Maybe he is on his throne saying, “Sam is sure a weirdo. No wonder he has problems.”

It’s hard to get that voice out of your head, especially when it has been engrained in you from infancy.

And unfortunately, we grow and often surround ourselves with the voices we are familiar with:

You are fat. You are lazy. You are weird. Nobody likes you. Everything you think about yourself is true.

You are a loser. You are weak. You are dumb.

These words surround us continually. They eat at the soul.

These are not the words that we have learned from Christ Jesus. He taught us to use words of truth and grace, seasoned with salt, edifying to the hearer.

Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers. (Eph 4:29)

There are so many ways to tear people down with words. One of the most insidious is to never revile out loud, but just simply let your victim know that they really aren’t very likeable. Perhaps they are weird. Perhaps they do things differently. Perhaps they think a little…not like you. This is the classic passive-aggressive bully. God hates it.

This one is close to my heart, because I am…let’s face it…weird. I cannot small talk for anything. I have no idea what is going on in any sporting event. I say weird things at weird times. I don’t have a clue what “guys do”.  At my bachelor party, two of my friends picked me up from work and said, “This is YOUR NIGHT. You can do whatever you want!” I sat on their couch and stared at them for two hours until they let me go home.

I’m weird. There is no situation where I am not awkward, no conversation that I can’t stop by saying something very weird.

And most of my life, I was absolutely convinced that most people would be far happier if I just went home. So I usually did.

It occurred to me the other day that I have a hard time believing that anyone likes me. And then it occurred to me that I carry this belief to God himself. Does God actually like me?

It is an interesting question. I think that question is particularly difficult for those who have been attacked with the tongue. How can anyone like me? Does God like me? Does it matter?

It isn’t the same as “Does God love me”. We know that God does love us. He loves us with perfect, infinite, unchanging love in Jesus Christ, his beloved Son. We also know that nothing separates us from his love.

But does he like me?

Our greatest fear is that God just barely tolerates us. He loves us in Christ, but really just wishes we would go away. Can you think of anything more shameful than hearing God say, “I love you, but I sure don’t like you much.”

Do you see what I am getting at? I’m trying to make the doctrine of God’s love practical, and looking at what it actually means. What does it mean to love someone that you don’t really like? I guess I just don’t get that.

Does God think I’m weird? Does he think that church would be better if I didn’t show up? Does he roll his eyes and sigh when I cry out to him yet again?

Yes,  I know that God hates sin and calls me to repent. I also know that he has cleansed me from sin. I know that he does not tolerate sin. I’m not talking about sin. I’m talking about the fact that I really like colored socks and don’t know what to say to strangers I’ve just met. I’m talking about the kind of clothes that I wear and the kind of music I like. I wear waistcoats and hats and say weird things.

Does God like me? I am not speaking about the independence of God. I know that God does not need his creatures, including me, for anything. I do not add to his blessedness, for in him are all the perfections of holiness. I add nothing to God. I get that.

But does God like me?

Here’s why I believe this question is important. We were created to be social, in fellowship. We were created to be loved and have friends, to walk with God, to speak with him in the cool of the day. We were created to live in harmony with one another. We were created to be accepted and to love and be loved and to belong. To know and to be known.

And we still have that memory of Eden. We still have the need to belong. My heart still cries out to belong, to fit in, to be acceptable. The human heart cannot abide being outcast. No one can live thinking that everyone wishes they would go away, that everyone just thinks they are stupid, fat, smelly, ugly and weird. We cannot live thinking that we are totally unacceptable. This is the insidious nature of abuse. It tears down and destroys what the heart longs for the most. The words of a spouse can hurt and destroy and kill far more than any weapon imaginable. To be unacceptable, banished from love, and undesirable is intolerable to an image-bearer of God.

So the question is very important. Does God like me?

If God does not like me, then I must seek acceptance elsewhere. The stupidest, most shameful things I have ever done I did to try to be accepted. I sought the approval of men, and failed all the way around. I still blush when I think of it.

But if I do not seek the approval of men, whose approval do I seek, if God does not like me?

Do you see what I am getting at?

What do I do to be accepted? I am loved because of Jesus Christ, but does God accept me? Does God like me? Do I need to wear more acceptable, “god-like” clothing? Use more Christian-like phrases? Do I need to change my personality to something more acceptable to God?

Once again, I am not talking about sin. I know I need to confess and flee from sin. I am asking what I need to do for God to like me. Does God like me? Am I likeable?

And when I asked that question, scripture after scripture after scripture came to my mind and I felt free at last.

Ephesians 1:5–6 (NRSV)
5 He destined us for adoption as his children through Jesus Christ, according to the good pleasure of his will, 6 to the praise of his glorious grace that he freely bestowed on us in the Beloved.

God chose ME because he wanted to, and he made me accepted in the beloved. God DOES like me, and I am accepted by him!

He made me the way that I am because it delighted him to do so.

Psalm 139:13–14 (NRSV)
13 For it was you who formed my inward parts;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
Wonderful are your works;
that I know very well.

He put together my frame, my form, my face. He gave me my hair and my eyes. he gave me this belly and these feet. He doesn’t think of me as defiled, ugly, unclean, untouchable, for he made me. He gave me these parts, and behold they are very good.

Get thee behind me, Satan! God gave me this face and said it was very good! How dare you insult the frame that God gave to me! I’m not dirty and untouchable and unlovable!

As for my gifts and personalities,

18 But as it is, God arranged the members in the body, each one of them, as he chose. 19 If all were a single member, where would the body be? 20 As it is, there are many members, yet one body. 1 Cor. 12:18–20.

(Read the whole chapter!) See how God has chosen ME and has given me the gifts that he gave me. He gave me those gifts on purpose. He knew what he was doing. He gave me my weird personality, he gave me my strange quirks. In fact, it is because I am different that I am valuable to the body of Christ, according to this text. If we were all an eye, who would do the hearing?

Look around your church, look at your fellow believers. God gave each of them their gifts, their looks, their abilities, their perspectives, their cultural and social background. And he did it ON PURPOSE.

It is his good pleasure to give you all the kingdom.

Does God like us?

Zephaniah 3:17–18 (NRSV)
17 The LORD, your God, is in your midst,
a warrior who gives victory;
he will rejoice over you with gladness,
he will renew you in his love;
he will exult over you with loud singing
18 as on a day of festival.
I will remove disaster from you,
so that you will not bear reproach for it.

And here,

Know ye that the LORD he is God: it is he that hath made us, and not we ourselves; we are his people, and the sheep of his pasture. (Psa 100:3)

Our God, thrice holy, infinite and almighty, the creator and sustainer of the earth made ME, and made me on purpose. He gave me my personality, my background, my gifts. he gave me the body that I have, and even the flaws are counted – like how many hairs fall.

And he said it was very good. He redeemed me in Christ, and calls me to put off the old man with the fears and the doubts. He told me not to be a man-pleaser, but to seek to please him.

Because of the work of the Lord Jesus, and because I belong to him by faith, I am accepted by God. And because I am loved, God has given me his spirit, and given me gifts.

Because he delights in me I am free to rest in his love. Because he sings over me, I can be at peace with everyone around me, for who can take me from his love? I can walk in kindness; I can use my gifts for his glory. I don’t need to hide them under a bushel. I don’t need to be ashamed of who I am. Because God delights in me.

ME!

I am not just barely tolerated by God, but accepted in the beloved. He loves ME, and, yes, if I may say so, he likes me.

And so let’s all put aside our doubts and our fears and run this race together, shall we? Let’s quit trying to lift ourselves up by tearing one another down. Let’s quit trying to one-up each other, bragging and boasting about our accomplishments. Let’s quit worrying about whether anyone else likes us or not. If God is for us, who can possibly be against us?

Be kind, courageous and faithful, for your God is with you!

“I am my beloved’s, and he is mine.”

In fact, he says this of us:

Song of Solomon 1:15–17 (NRSV)
15 Ah, you are beautiful, my love;
ah, you are beautiful;
your eyes are doves.
16 Ah, you are beautiful, my beloved,
truly lovely.
Our couch is green;
17 the beams of our house are cedar,
our rafters are pine.

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Apologetics and Trauma

My seminary education was pretty standard for a Presbyterian/Reformed student.
It was Master’s Level work. Intense on Systematics, Greek, Hebrew, Exegesis, History and so on, and I am truly thankful for the grounding I received in classical theology.

One area that was a deficit, in my opinion, which is pretty typical in Reformed Presbyterians: I had 5 (!) semesters of Apologetic classes. FIVE. Apologetics, for those who are not Christians or otherwise not familiar with the term, is the study of the defense of Christianity. Originally, it was a study of the arguments of the ancient Martyrs in response to the powerful state which had outlawed Christianity. You can find examples of Paul defending his faith in the book of Acts.

Now, though, it is a bit different. Now, apologetics studies the ancient apologists, but it is mostly a study on how to argue with an educated atheist at a Starbucks and win the argument.

Part of the problem was an obsession with Van Til (iykyk) and “presuppositionalism”, and part of it is the absolute refusal of Reformed and Presbyterian churches to engage with the actual culture of the day. They tend to not understand or not care, what makes people tick.

So I had five semesters on how to argue with people, and how all of the classical theologians were wrong until Van Til came along and sorted them all out.

But could you guess how many classes I had on the effect of trauma in the body and the mind?
zero. Not one. Not even mentioned. Never came up, even once.

My professors still thought that most people had these carefully crafted arguments against Christianity that we could dismantle with skill and learned responses. But in the 20 years since I completed seminary, I never once met a person who carefully crafted intellectual arguments against Christianity, who was just waiting for me to come along and set them straight.

Most of the defense of the faith that I was doing was defending the faith against the religious right who thought that their worship of power and money was Christianity.
They didn’t listen any more than the guy at Starbucks listened. It was simply an intellectual exercise, and not worth the price of the coffee.

Because most people are just trying to survive. The religious right is trying to protect the world from perceived enemies, being afraid of everything.

And everyone else is just trying to make it through another day.

They are trying to deal with a husband who beats them, or rapes them every night.
They are trying to deal with the flashbacks of what their Sunday School teacher did to them, and how no one believed them.
Or trying to deal with the fact that they are attracted solely to the same sex and can’t change no matter what they do and are convinced that God hates them
Or trying to deal with the time their dad beat their dog to death when he had too much to drink.
Or trying to get through the day when they can’t find one reason to hope or stay alive and they just want the pain to stop.
Or trying to bury the shame of losing their virginity to the smelly guy with zits who promised he would love you forever.

Or trying to drown out the voices that continually say that they are no good, worthless, hopeless and will never be worthy of love.

And the downfall of Reformed thinking is this:
Mankind only has two problems:
One is sin, and if they just repent everything will be fine.
Two is bad presuppositions about life. And if I just explain the Christian world and life view, you will be able to make the right choices and everything will be just fine.

Anything beyond that doesn’t fit into the world-view. And therefore cannot be seen.

When they see the homeless girl, or the drug addict – they are only capable of seeing someone who made bad choices. They cannot see and will not see trauma, hopelessness, mental illness…These are things they can’t control, and Reformed theology is all about control. If I do the right things, bad things can’t happen.

And they have no room for anyone who challenges that viewpoint.

What I was taught was to listen to someone carefully in order to discern what choices they made that led them to where they are now, so I could call them to repentance, and excommunicate them if they didn’t repent…

OR – find out where their presuppositions were in error so I could correct them and change their thinking. Trauma, isolation, loneliness, hopelessness, the human condition, never entered into it.

And very soon in my professional ministry I saw the worthlessness of that approach. I didn’t know what else to do then, so I just listened.

And when I listened, I learned. And I learned about trauma and so much else.

I learned that stories told in safe places led to healing.

So my goal in ministry was not to fix people. But to provide a safe place for stories to be told. and encourage professional therapy. And to give room and patience and hope to the dying soul before me.


My two bits.

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Epstein files: Will it matter?

With all the anticipation for the release of the “Epstein files”, I don’t think it will really make any difference.

First, even if congress votes to compel the release, the files are most likely destroyed, in a closet at Mar-a-lago, or who knows where. You cannot depend on anyone in this administration to be ethical in anything they do. It will take us years to undo the damage.

Second, even if those files were released and everything we already know is there is proven to be there, Trump will not lose one vote from his base. Hatred is too powerful and has been inculcated in MAGA from pulpits, talk radio, FOX news and church basements for decades now. They will simply listen to Fox, determine that it is a hoax by Biden, or happened a long time ago, or “Hilary was worse”, or any of the other excuses that they will come up with.

Third, the only thing that will remove Trump before he does even more damage is if the Supreme Court, Congress and the Senate actually grow a pair and do something. But my guess is that they are all mostly in the files themselves, or Trump has something over them. It isn’t like his character is waiting for a surprise revelation. It isn’t like Perry Mason is going to swoop in with an envelope that changes everything.

So, no. I’m not optimistic that the files will change anything.

But I do have hope. This is why I was so happy with the election of Zohran. The voters can actually wake up, hit the polls and FOR THE LOVE OF GOD stop electing the same white trash over and over and over again, no matter which party.

If they were in office when Carter was president, STOP VOTING FOR THEM.

And stop watching the news. Stop filling your head with the garbage that pours out for 24 hours. If you are old and sick and can’t get out of your chair, watch animal documentaries. Discover a Mahler symphony. ANYTHING other than the same fear mongering over and over again.

Old White straight cis Guys have been running this country into the ground for 300 years, and this is where we are. Let’s elect someone else.

By the way, in ancient Israel, Baal was a worship of power and an attempt to manipulate God into opening his stingy, angry hands and pouring out a blessing. Many of them in Israel called this god Yahweh – 2 Kings 17 describes it perfectly.

Modern evangelicalism is simply revamped Baal worship. Those who are “deconstructing” are not generally rejecting Jesus. They are rejecting the priests of Baal using the name of Jesus.

Their worship has far more in common with Mount Carmel than it does Mt. Zion. It is simply a method to manipulate a blessing out of God by doing all the right things, hating the right people, dancing the right dance, having the right worship band, and a speaker with the ability to stir up great emotion…

When we come to Mt Zion (a figurative expression for the reign of Jesus) – we simply wait and trust. It makes all the difference.

So even though I am skeptical about the victims receiving justice on this earth, I am not skeptical about the victims receiving justice from Jesus Christ. He will certainly hear them and come in judgment when the iniquity of MAGA is complete. But first he gives ample opportunity to repent and make it right.

So far, MAGA has resisted every effort to act morally and ethically. Their judgment will be not long delayed. Wait and hope.

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If she can’t say no, she also can’t say yes

4 For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does 1 Corinthians 7:4 (NRSV).

This is a popular verse for angry men to use, only they usually only quote the first phrase. They use it as a “gotcha” moment and insist that the wife can’t ever refuse her husband.

Many in the complementarian camp also insist that this is a primary reason for pornography among men. The wife won’t give him relief, so he has no option but to seek it outside the marriage.

In the complementarian scheme of things, made popular by MacArthur, Piper, Sproul Jr, Wilson and so many others, a woman is to submit at all times, including in the bedroom. The husband is the aggressor, the conqueror, the invader (in the words of the degenerate Doug Wilson), and the wife is the conquered and the invaded. May he reap what he has sown.

This theology creates a power imbalance in the marriage. The wife cannot say “no” without saying no to God. She is obligated, according to this scheme, to take whatever the husband wants to dish out or risk living in sin.

(The longer I am away from these circles, the weirder all of it sounds. Pick up a copy of “The Great Sex Rescue” by Sheila Wray Gregoire for thorough documentation. And pick up “The Well-Trained Wife” by Tia Levings for a first person account.)

To the uninitiated, this might sound fringe. But it is preached from thousands of pulpits across the country and has made it to the president’s cabinet as they seek to impose Project 2025. We need to pay attention. There are many in the highest offices of the country who believe that the 19th amendment should be repealed.

There are problems here. The first is that it is very bad exegesis. God did not create men and women in a hierarchy. He created them after his image. In the Holy Trinity, regardless of the spewing of Wayne Grudem and his complementarian theology, there is not a hierarchy of authority and submission, but a mutual love and unity. This is classical trinitarian theology. The church has always rejected subordination in the Trinity.

So also in marriage. Even in the passage above, where Paul is addressing redeemed men and women, he is not putting one in authority over the other. He is re-enforcing their humanity. Their bodies are their own, and in mutual authority and submission with one another. Practically speaking, this doesn’t work in an authority/submission scheme. The only way this works is through mutual love and unity – which is Paul’s point.

This is also the point of the whole of the Song of Songs. First the woman is the aggressor, then the man; The sexual relationship is instigated by the woman, and by the man in a holy, all-consuming, intimate joining of two bodies in perfect love and unity without a hint of any “roles” of subordination or authority. This pictures the relationship of Jesus and the church.

This is also Paul’s point in the entire book of Ephesians. We are one flesh with Jesus through the power of the Holy Spirit, pictured by the intercourse of a husband and wife “and they two shall become one flesh”. The sexual relationship is a mutual consenting agreement between two loving adults who give each other a holy Yes, just as the church gives Jesus a holy Yes, and Jesus responds in kind.

“I am my beloved’s and my beloved is mine” the bride sings.

In the complementarian scheme, the wife cannot consent because she cannot say no. Her consent is unnecessary or “given when they got married”. She is simply the receptacle of his lust and his seed. She is merely a “penis home” in the revolting words of Mark Driscoll.

Because her personhood, her choice, and her voice are all but denied even in the “best” of complementarian churches, complementarianism is nothing less than an attack on the image of God in the woman. She is reduces to simply a body, rather than a fitting helper (ezer kenegdo).

It is the image of God in the daughters of Eve that made her the fitting helper. It is what separated her from the animals. She was like Adam in every way, except female.

When she is relegated to eternal subordination, her voice and her will are permanently silenced, which is what Satan seeks to do to God’s people.

The only sexual relationship she knows is assault, for since she cannot withdraw consent, she also cannot consent. Her voice doesn’t matter.

This is far more serious than we understand. The damage is immense. There are millions of women living in perpetual trauma because of this false teaching. The are commanded by unscrupulous church leaders to live in the same house as their rapist, and let him do whatever he wants.

This isn’t Christianity and it doesn’t represent Christ.

Husbands are to love their wives and Christ loved the church, and Jesus is not a rapist. Women were safe in his presence.

Husband, is your wife safe with you? Could she tell you if she wasn’t?

Look at it this way. If all social and religious stigma against divorce were removed, and she was independently wealthy, would she leave your sorry ass?

If the only reason she stays is because she would be destitute, or cast out of her church, or believed God would hate her – then you do not have a marriage. You have a hostage crisis.

Malachi 3:16 – If you hate her that much, let her go, says the Lord God of Israel. (Yes, that is the correct translation).

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SNAP, Poverty and Jesus

What the religious right gets so wrong

Nov 04, 2025


I did not do a poll of every single person who identifies as the religious right, but I grew up with it. I can read blogs. I see the comment section.

And this is what we hear from people who have “I love Jesus” in the biographies. I’ve heard this in countless fellowship meals in countless conservative churches.

“If they don’t work, they shouldn’t eat.”

“They can lift themselves up by their bootstraps like everyone else”

“I work hard for my money, and I’m not paying for junk food for some single mom”

“Immigrants shouldn’t be coming to take welfare from us, anyway…”

And they get the heart of Christianity so damnably wrong.

First, Jesus himself said that feeding the hungry and giving drink to the thirsty was an activity that separated his sheep from the goats of the world. Because he is speaking of the entire human race, his precepts here are universally binding.

Paul, however, who was writing to the Thessalonians stated that if one doesn’t work, he shouldn’t eat. Is he contradicting Jesus? Of course not. He is speaking of a specific situation in a specific time in a specific place. We don’t know the exact situation here, but he certainly isn’t talking about feeding the poor. Perhaps he is speaking of the idle rich class who were using the charities of the church to fill their bellies while contributing nothing. Every age has seen that type, and it seems to fit the context.

Whatever the specifics were, he doesn’t contradict the universal precept that if we wish to follow Jesus, we give our food to the hungry, clean water to the thirsty, help to the sick, and companionship and connection to the prisoner.

It isn’t an option.

So the next argument would be “Yes. But it is private charity. Not the government’s job to take from the rich to give to the poor.”

I used to buy that argument as well. We perhaps might see if they actually mean it this month, but I believe that they do not. I don’t see the rich giving food to the hungry without a lot of strings attached. Jesus himself said, “How hard it is for a rich man to enter heaven!” And we want to entrust the care of the poor to the rich and their goodwill?

It is the government’s duty to promote the good and punish evil. If the rich do not volunteer to open their wallets to care for the poor, then I have no problem with the government coercing them to do so with taxes. I also believe that the government should prevent every sort of theft and every sort of violence and every sort of covenant breaking as well. It is, actually, their job.

The righteous king in Psalm 72 cares for the needy.

Let’s take another one: I work hard for my money and don’t want to give it to deadbeats.

This one I am writing to a specific audience – those who believe, as I do, that the bible is God’s word and authoritative.

The Bible says, “What do you have that you did not receive?” Didn’t we used to believe that? We give thanks before our meal, and then give ourselves credit for having enough to eat? Do you see the contradiction?

Did you receive it from the hand of God? Or did you not?

Who was it that gave you the ability to do your job well enough that you can live on your salary?

Who gave you your health?

Who gave you your privilege to attend school? To own a bank account?

Who caused the crops to grow and who brought the workers to the field and harvested those crops? Who gave the truck driver his eyes and ears to bring the food to the grocery? Who gave the dock worker his hands to unload that truck?

And who can take all of it away in a moment?

How many have had to flee from an abusive spouse? How many have children by a man who promised the moon and then fled? How many lost their health and then their jobs?

How many lost their job because they had a heart attack?

How many have had to flee with their children to get to somewhere safe?

How many are working the fields every day to bring in the food that you take credit for?

Do you see my point? If you claim to belong to Jesus, you used to confess this.

You might work hard, but it has nothing to do with whether you are rich or poor. Your riches and your poverty don’t come by your efforts. They come from the hand of God.

Ecclesiastes 9:11

11 I have seen something else under the sun:

The race is not to the swift

or the battle to the strong,

nor does food come to the wise

or wealth to the brilliant

or favor to the learned;

but time and chance happen to them all.

And here is the thing that will make you really uncomfortable.

If God has made you poor, he will exalt you and give you riches you cannot imagine.

If God has made you rich, he will hold you accountable for how you use those riches.

1 Timothy 6:17–18 (NIV)

17 Command those who are rich in this present world not to be arrogant nor to put their hope in wealth, which is so uncertain, but to put their hope in God, who richly provides us with everything for our enjoyment.

18 Command them to do good, to be rich in good deeds, and to be generous and willing to share.

He expects wide open hands and wide open pocketbooks. Give, with the measure tamped down and overflowing, because it isn’t yours. He has just made you the caretaker for a little while, and he will check over the accounts when he comes for his vineyard.

That is the theology of scripture. You don’t have a choice and as a community we don’t have a choice. We must feed the hungry because what we have is loaned to us for a small time.

The single mom with kids? You have no idea what her story is. It doesn’t matter.

The man in line at the grocery using SNAP? You have no idea what his story is. He might be a slacker. He might be the hardest worker you have ever met. It doesn’t matter.

Muslem, Hindu, Jew, Palestinian, Christian, Atheist – makes no difference. No one should go hungry.

“What if their choices led to their poverty?” So what? Can you honestly say that your virtue has been so impeccable that you deserve every good thing you have? We all have fallen short in so many ways. That shouldn’t make us morose. It should make us laugh and sing and rejoice!

And it should make us generous. We should strive for policies that leave no one hungry or without healthcare, or without clean water. We might disagree on which policies work the best, but doing it isn’t an option. It MUST be done, Jesus requires it.

If you say, “Jesus is lord” you MUST strive to find a way to ensure that no one is hungry.

Jesus said, “What measure you use will be measured back to you.”

He is speaking in the context of judgment. If you are judging someone for being an evildoer, God will use that same judgment on you. This is what “judge not” means. If you are quick to point out flaws, God will be quick to point out yours.

To the subject at hand – if you are looking in the cart of that single mom with three crying kids and sneering at her cake mix, cookies and chips, think about God also looking at YOUR cart and using that same judgment…that’s the point.

It should make us thankful and filled with peace. It’s the path to loving your neighbor as yourself.

I want to be seen as someone with inherent dignity and honor; so I will choose to see my neighbor that way.

I want to have healthcare when I or my family are sick. I want to have enough to eat. I don’t want my neighbors judging me for what I choose to eat or not eat. I want to be seen and accepted.

The measure you use will be measured back to you. Do you want those things? Then also strive for them for your neighbor.

You should be happy that you have enough wealth to pay your taxes, so that your neighbor can also go to the doctor when they are sick. So that they can also eat when they are hungry and have clean water when they are thirsty.

And they should be able to have those things without judgment, without criticism, while being accepted as worthy of honor and dignity.

Why?

Because that is exactly what Jesus has done for you, when you didn’t deserve it. And he expects you to shine that same light on the world.

And just to clarify one of my pet peeves:

When you say, “Pull yourself up by your bootstraps” you are using a proverb that has the opposite meaning than what you intend. It is usually used to promote “rugged individualism”, but it actually means that we all need help and community.

Pulling yourself up by your bootstraps is actually impossible, which thinking people get. You don’t have the leverage, no matter how strong you are or how clever. It is against the laws of physics.

So also is the fiction that we can do it alone and don’t need any “charity”. Our next breath is because of the goodness of God. We all need community or we will all perish.

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They believe the women,

They just don’t care.

I saw a poll yesterday that said 47 percent of republicans would not change their support of Trump even if his name IS in the Epstein files.

It confirmed what I suspected in the evangelical church for years. It isn’t that they don’t believe women. It’s that they don’t care.

Once we understand that, our approach changes. Instead of trying to convince them that the women are telling the truth, we need to understand that they are not Christian and don’t have an ethical system that has any point of connection with us.

Any ethical system built upon hate is at the root no different than Nazi Germany. They don’t care who their leaders destroy, as long as they hate the same people.

For all of those who are still trying to convince your Right Wing church that you were sexually assaulted, abused, raped or hurt in any other way, or that you have a right to divorce, I hope you will find peace in knowing that the proof won’t matter. It isn’t you.

They just don’t care.

It is like trying to convince a Baal-worshiper not to offer their firstborn child to the Iron Furnace of Molech.

Once you know that, you can do what you need to do to survive and heal and not give a fig what they think. They’ve lost the right to have an opinion about your divorce, your therapist, your choice to have children, your lifestyle, your dress or especially your relationship with Jesus.

To put it very practically in my life, they’ve lost the right to have an opinion about where I go to church, how I handled my “trial”, what I do for a living, what I believe about love and freedom, or what I do with my family.

Once you say that raping a child isn’t a deal-breaker, there is nothing that you have of value to say to me.

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Why I changed my mind…

This could also be called “more ammunition for my enemies to use against me…” if I cared, that is.

Interesting thing. When they have taken away everything that you thought you couldn’t live without, and you survived and are thriving, you no longer really care about their threats. Plus, I make liberal use of the block key, which is wonderful.

I changed my mind on the LGBTQ community. Most of you probably suspected that I was leaning that way. And, no, it isn’t because I suddenly abandoned the scripture. It is actually my love of God’s word that has led me to be gay affirming.

First, I don’t think that the handful of scripture used to condemn same sex attraction are about that at all. I changed my mind on that one. As I look at those passages, they are about abuse, degradation and idolatry.

Second, I also affirm that God created one man and one woman and brought them together. Before the fall. After the fall, everything got twisted around and men and women fled from God and tried to find their way home without him..

But the only hope of salvation is that God came looking for us. In fact, the heart of the gospel is that Jesus came to seek and to save that which was lost. You, me, the whole world.

And salvation never came through the law. All that the law can do is bring death. When you say, “Stop that behavior”, all that you are doing is increasing shame. And shame triggers hiding (what we call trauma response), and you cannot grow in love and peace and joy when you are hiding in terror from the face of God.

Nothing new here. I’ve been preaching that forever.

But the religious right is far more interested in the law. For some reason, they think that shouting at gay people will bring about peace on earth…

But I digress.

The only thing that will change a heart is love. Love without “yes, but I also find you repugnant.”

Or “Yes, but I’m going to need you to change”.

Or, “Yes, I love you, but hate your sin.”

You see, all of those responses are shame-based. Which bring guilt, fear, hiding and (you guessed it,) trauma.

Only when the brain is completely safe can it change and grow. But if you tell the brain to change and grow, it backfires, and you don’t get what you think you will get.

Paul calls that the “works of the flesh” and then he describes a whole list of things that we use to try to hide our shame from ourselves and from the world.

He could be describing the behavior of the religious right there.

So how can the brain grow and learn and bring the fruits of love?

Only by being implanted into Christ and his love, which absolutely MUST be free, unconditional, and without reproach, or it backfires.

And the love of Christ never, ever backfires.

Here’s what got me thinking:

I know personally, and I have heard the stories of others, many many times, of teenagers begging God to take away their gayness.

Every day new stories come. They have been told that they are going to hell. They know that their parents will abandon them if they “come out”.

And they are on their knees night after night begging God to take their gay away.

That leaves me with a problem theologically.

Either God doesn’t hear prayer.

OR God doesn’t hear prayer unless we muster up enough will-power to change our hearts.

OR God turns his back on people who truly and desperately are begging for help.

All of these scenarios are repugnant to me, not because I am suddenly “liberal”, but because I read the gospels.

Imagine a young man pursuing Jesus night after night. He finally gets up the courage to say, “Please, Jesus – take away my sin”

Or “make me clean”

Or “Love me, Lord. Please welcome me and help me.”

And Jesus saying, “Nah. I’m not going to help you. I hate your sin too much. But if you fix yourself up enough and save yourself, then I might not throw you into hell.”

This is not the Jesus who bore my sin and shame on the cross.

Does Jesus have the power to change “gayness”. He certainly does, if he desires.

Does Jesus ever send anyone away who comes to him for mercy? Never. “Whosoever comes to me, I will never, ever cast out.”

Do gay men and women beg Jesus for help? They do.

The only conclusion that I can come to is that Jesus doesn’t think about them the same way that the religious right thinks about them.

And that is why I changed my mind. Because I am really tired of young men and women killing themselves because all they have known is hatred for something they can do nothing about.

And now, the self-righteous among my readership are saying, “They CAN do something about it. They can choose not to act on it!”

So now Christianity is salvation by law?

Did you forget what the Bible says, “If righteousness comes by the law, then Christ died in vain.”?

If any of us could “choose not to act on it” or “choose to be better people” or “just stop…”

Then Christ came in vain.

But if Christ did not come in vain, but came in power, then he is powerful enough to have mercy to all who call upon him. And he will.

And he will change us into his glorious likeness.

But he will do it in such a way that we don’t lose the beautiful color, beautiful personhood, beautiful diversity of our wonderful, rainbow-filled humanity.

What does that look like? I have no idea. I live now in a world of death and misery. But how I long for that day.

Until then, I will let the Holy Spirit work on my AND work on my brothers and sisters and whatever other gender of those who walk this earth with me, all searching for their way home.

And you will now say, “Jesus loves us as we are, but he doesn’t leave us as we are.”

That is true. And yet when will we be like him? When will we be free of this body of death? What does that even look like?

Is it possible to rest in that love of Jesus if you are convinced that he hates you because you are still unclean in his eyes? How can you come to the Father’s embrace if you are sure that he will hate and reject you the minute you do?

No. It is the love that changes us in HIS time to be like HIM. Pure and holy, clean and beautiful in all of our glorious color and breadth of our beauty!

Through that love, which Jesus has promised he will never take away, we are safe. Safe in his arms, safe from rejection and death. Safe from being cast away forever.

And when we have psychological safety, the self is free to love and to grow and to change. And I will let the Holy Spirit decide what that looks like.

I promise you, though, that it won’t look like the abusive, power-hungry man that fills most of the pulpits of the religious right.

I will always reject covenant breakers, abusers, the unjust, the arrogant, the proud – those who cast the stones and then go home to hit their wives and abuse their slaves. Those who make and believe a lie. Those who trample the poor for new shoes and rob the houses of the widows. Those who make millions endorsing bibles and those who enrich themselves off the death of the poor.

That is a far different thing.

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What does God require?

      8 He has shown you, O mortal, what is good.
          And what does the LORD require of you?
          To act justly and to love mercy
          and to walk humbly with your God.

The New International Version (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 2011), Mic 6:8.

As I moved farther and farther away from the conservative evangelical and reformed culture of my youth, I am frequently accused of “antinomianism.”

Literally, antinomianism means “against law”. It is generally used to attack those who question the rigid rules of those in power. The law of God is interpreted and if one disagrees with that interpretation, they are accused of being “antinomian”.

It is also used to attack those who show too much love and deference to sinners, especially the “sinners” who are considered outside the camp of the acceptable ones. In Jesus’ day, it would be prostitutes and tax collectors. In our day, it would be LGBTQ+ folks and Democrats. If you would like to test the theory, mention sometime that Christ’s love for the gay community compelled him to come into the world to redeem and bring them to himself. They might still be gay or trans after Christ calls them, because the Holy Spirit is not bound to our political opinion.

This is what got me tried and found guilty of being a false teacher, and today you might see the pejorative term “antinomian” attached to my name, perhaps with some spittle or other forms of rage.

Like the Pharisees disdainfully said of the “rabble”  – They don’t know the law.

I don’t really want to critique again. I actually want to write something more positive. God is clear about what he loves and what he hates.

He has given us the Ten Commandments, which summarize our duties to God and to man. But Moses and later Jesus summarized that duty by saying,

“You shall love the Lord your God. And you shall love your neighbor as yourself.”

Paul said that love is the fulfilling of the law. If you love as God loves, you don’t need laws written on stone. You aren’t dreaming of stabbing your boss in his sleep or cheating on your wife if you only had a chance. A man made perfect in love is a perfect man. A man without love can only keep the outward form of the Ten Commandments, but he cannot fool God, and the world will eventually see what kind of a man he actually is.

This shouldn’t come as a surprise, for this is the teaching of Jesus all through the gospels. “Clean the inside of the cup” he said, “And the whole cup will be clean.”

In our age as in every age, there are new questions about morality. What do you do if your teenager announces that he is trans and wants to change his name and his pronouns? What do you do if your daughter says she is gay and wants to marry her girlfriend? How do you help your children navigate a difficult world?

They see the contradictions in the conservative church – they went through the purity classes and wore the ring and vowed to be pure then watched their parents and their religions leaders slavishly follow a rapist and a serial adulterer as the savior of our nation – yes, our children are watching that.

They’ve had the ten commandments pounded into their heads from their youth, about honoring parents and all in authority, and then watched you scream at government officials about wearing masks or paying taxes.

They watched you drive the abused woman out of your fellowship because she refused to live with the man who beats her every night.

And they watched their while their friends were forced to stand in front of the church and confess their sin of getting pregnant while their leaders were raping children, committing adultery and other forms of spiritual abuse and receiving standing ovations at the next church service.

The kids have watched us meticulously strive for cleaning the outside of the cups and whitewashing the tombs, while the rot and filth on the inside is destroying the church.

So maybe they aren’t listening when we talk about the “sins” of others.

I would suggest that rather than trying to shame them and casting them out for their struggles trying to navigate a very complicated subject of sexuality and gender, let’s leave that work to the Holy Spirit, to complete in his time and in his way.

And instead, let’s summarize the law the way that Moses, Jesus and Micah all did.

Micah used slightly different words, but the concepts are the same. He gives three things that the Lord requires of Adam (human).

Do justice

First, practice justice. Do justice. Mishpat (justice) is the practice of doing that which is right, being impartial, good to all, and striving – as far as our place allows – for a just and equitable society. African American theologians today and yesterday have written volumes on what a just and equitable society looks like. Perhaps take a look at some of the writings of Dr. Martin Luther King, who puts it far more eloquently than I can.

The prophets of the Old Testament also dealt with injustice. The rich trample the poor, destroy their houses to build bigger estates for themselves. Take food from widows and children in order to get richer.

The judges take bribes and those who don’t have the money to pay don’t get justice. Bribes are still taken that pervert justice, but in different forms. I’ll contribute to your campaign; I’ll sign that bill for your zoning, if you condemn that widow’s house. All the deal making that we see every day cries out to the Lord of Justice.

Every time a man is pulled over simply because he is black, the Lord sees.

Every time a woman is bullied into silence or called a “gold-digging whore” for accusing “such an outstanding man”, the Lord sees.

Micah is telling us what the Lord asks of us. He asks us to see as well. Not only to see, but to do.

DO justice, he says.

Love “mercy”

I put “mercy” into quotes because that is how most people memorized this verse, but it isn’t really exactly what the Hebrew says.

The Hebrew is hesed, which doesn’t really have an English equivalent. It has to do with loyalty in relationship. It is a defining characteristic of God. His “hesed” is everlasting, is repeated in every verse of Psalm 136.

It has so many different angles. At a minimum, it means that you keep your contracts. You fulfill your vows. You follow up on promises.

It is translated “mercy” because God is merciful to us because he made a promise to his Son – through Abraham, through David, through Jesus. And he cannot break that promise because his hesed is everlasting. Hence, mercy.

The King James version, knowing the uniqueness of this word, translated it loving-kindness, to distinguish it from other words, such as love, kindness, mercy, loyalty, faithfulness – it is all this and more.

Let me try to explain.

God created us in community. Our decisions and our actions affect our families, our neighbors and our communities. If you decide to drive drunk and put your neighbor’s life in danger, you are not acting according to “hesed”. You are acting treacherously.

There are unspoken rules about living in society. Don’t curse people. Don’t spit on people. Don’t hit your brother. Don’t rape your neighbor’s wife. Some are written down. Some are solemn vows, like marriage vows or business contracts.

A person who loves hesed is one who will make a vow and keep it even if it means loss for himself. A person who loves hesed is reliable, faithful, he keeps his vows to his wife. He honors and cherishes her, even when no one is watching.

A person who loves hesed is someone who will never use the body or the house or the possessions of another for his own gain, but always treats a human with dignity and honor, honoring their possessions and their home.

He helps his neighbor’s donkey out of the ditch, even if that neighbor isn’t a very nice person, because he is hesed, just like his God is hesed.

These two are the heart of what God expects of us with respect to other humans. The Good Samaritan acted with hesed; the priest and the Levite did not.

The examples in scripture can be multiplied again and again.

We might boast about the “art of the deal”, but God calls it treachery, and he sees it.

Because he is just, he will set things in order in his time.

Walk humbly with our God

There is so much that we don’t know. So much that we have not seen.

Where were we when God laid the foundations of the earth?

And yet, he loves us.

We want to pry into his counsels and into his decrees. We want to say that God hates the same people that we hate and that God loves the same people that we love.

We want answers to everything. We draw a circle around ourselves and our tribes. We are the chosen ones, the smart ones.

My mother asked me the other day what the difference was between the Reformed churches I grew up in and the church I attend now.

I had been thinking about it for a while. I think it comes down to “distinctives”. If you belong to a NAPARC congregation, you know what I am talking about.

Every conservative Reformed denomination has what they call “distinctives”

Some have two services on Sunday

Some don’t allow women to vote in congregational meetings

Some only sing Psalms

Some never use instruments

And on and on it goes.

Having been brought up with it, I can attest that these are far more than simply preferences. These are lines in the sand. They are circles around the tribe. Really good, godly faithful people only sing Psalms. The rest of you cannot be called a true church.

And yes, at every meeting where a minister is being examined, they will ask about the “true church”. Can you be a true church if you only have one service on Sunday?

Can you be a true church if you do not force every family to baptize their infants?

These are the people who are “in”. Everyone else is “out”.

Where I attend now, we spend almost no time at all drawing lines in the sand. It is refreshing. And you can give me all the arguments about truth and error, and I won’t answer you because I’ve tried before and it was a worthless waste of time.

And you can share this with your buddies and laugh or sadly shake your head and pat yourself on the back for  driving me out of your pure church, and it won’t hurt me anymore.

Nor will I change my mind, because I have confessed since childhood, “I believe in the Holy Spirit.”

He is far more capable of correcting where correcting needs to happen than I am.

This is what it means to walk humbly with God.

You don’t have to go to the mat on everything. You don’t have to fight to the death over wine or grape juice. You don’t even have to drive you kid out of your home because his preferred pronoun isn’t the one you think he ought to have.

There is so much about the human brain that we don’t understand. But the one who created the brain knows, and sees, and cares.

Teach that to your kids.

Do you know what is far, far more important than your pronoun?

Fight for justice. Love Hesed and tolerate nothing less.

And leave God’s work in God’s hands. He knows. He cares. He can handle it.

This isn’t antinomianism. It is understanding how God works in the world. It is what the law really means.

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Filed under ethics, Goodness, Love

Gender and Creation

When you begin a discussion about transgenderism, with all of the various nuances of the science of “gender”, you should be aware of the knee jerk reactions that will inevitably take place. I fully expect threats, condemnations and even loss of friendship. I hope not. But I am used to it.

As a follower of Jesus, I believe that the bible alone is my ultimate authority both for faith and for practice. That, by itself, is meaningless, I know, without the filling of the Holy Spirit, for everyone claims the “bible alone” – even those who wouldn’t know what it taught even if it bit them.

I only mention the “bible alone” because I am not an expert on science, or on gender, or on biology or on constitutional law. But I do know a glimmer of what the bible says, even when that knowledge is only “in part”.

Most of those who are quick to condemn transgenderism will say that a transgender person is denying how God made them. Then they will quote Jesus saying, “He made them male and female.” This seems like a slam dunk – so much so that those who condemn a transgender person will use that same person as an example of the worst sort of immorality. In fact, the transgender debate played a large role in the last election. “People don’t even know what bathroom to use…” and so on.

In the list of sins normally presented in an evangelical church, you can be prepared to hear “sodomy, transgenderism, abortion” and almost no mention of racism, abuse, cruelty and assault. But that is another topic.

But if you look at the whole passage that Jesus is quoted in, you will see that it is not nearly the slam dunk that our opponents believe it is. Here is the passage in full:

3 Some Pharisees came to him to test him. They asked, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?”
4 “Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ v 5 and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? 6 So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”
7 “Why then,” they asked, “did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?”
8 Jesus replied, “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. 9 I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.”
10 The disciples said to him, “If this is the situation between a husband and wife, it is better not to marry.”
11 Jesus replied, “Not everyone can accept this word, but only those to whom it has been given. 12 For there are eunuchs who were born that way, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by others—and there are those who choose to live like eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. The one who can accept this should accept it.”  Matt 19:3–12.

It is important to notice that the questioners were testing him. They were looking for something to either turn the people against him OR turn the Romans against him. “Yes or no? Is it lawful to get a divorce”.

For this reason, I am leery of questions that begin with “Yes or no??”

“Yes or no, is transgenderism a sin??”

“Yes or no, can you tell me what a woman is?”

“Yes or no, do you know what bathroom to use?”

When questions are put like this, they are rarely asked with good motives. In my experience, every time I am asked a question like this, there is a trap in play.

So let’s look at Jesus’ response.

I have written on the passage several times before: Here, for example.

But not specifically applying in to the transgender discussion.

Jesus did say, “He created them male and female”, but then he goes on to talking about the “hardness of heart” which God did NOT create.

God’s original, beautiful design was marred and corrupted and twisted by sin and death. Now, please do not stop here and think that I am saying that transgender persons are living in sin. That is not the point. Hold on for just a minute.

The fact is that sin is like a cancer, or a leprosy, that effects everything and every person. The brokenness of sin and shame and misery lie in every human heart. We are cast out of Eden and we all feel that in our very bones. We all long desperately for the beauty of God and the acceptance of our Shepherd.

Decades of Wesleyan perfection have infiltrated the church, though, including on the subject of transgender. Wesley, and more particularly his follower Charles Finney, taught that sin was merely a choice that someone makes. That you can choose to do good or choose to do evil. Like Pelagius, they thought that talking about sin as a cancer was just an excuse. That people could be moral if they just decided to be moral.

So when we talk about acceptance, our knee jerk reaction is that if we start choosing to do right, then God will accept us. And so we divide the whole world up into US – those who choose to do right. And THEM, those who make bad choices and deserve the outcome.

We sing about “only a sinner, saved by grace” but secretly harbor the sneaking suspicion that God accepted us because we are a little bit better than those drag queen who actually want to read to children.

But when you say, “The Bible alone”, you also need to condemn yourself, just as Paul wrote in Romans chapters 1-3. The “bible alone” leaves us all subject to sin and death.”

This is a deep subject. I am not simply saying “Yes, you are bad too”. That would be caving to Finney’s view of sin. Instead, look at it this way:

All of us are east of Eden, alienated from life. All of us have mental disorders, physical disorders, cancers, graying hairs. All of us are one car crash away from permanent brain damage. All of us are one accident away from living in a wheel chair. All of us have twisted views of God, twisted views of ourselves, twisted views of our neighbors.

Instead of viewing sin as a series of behaviors, the Bible views sin more as a cancer – the result of living outside of Eden, missing the mark of the glory of God, living outside of his embrace. Everything else is a RESULT of sin. Behavior, shame, guilt, terror, and everything that plagues mankind, up to and including death. We don’t need to make better choices. We need redemption. We live in a world of death and misery, in bondage to the kingdom of darkness and pain and misery.

And all of us try to manage the absurdity and brutality of life in destructive ways.

Some are drunk on alcohol.

Some are drunk on porn.

Some are drunk on their hetero-cis-genderism.

Some are drunk on pride

Some are drunk on their spiritual superiority.

Look deeper than “bad behavior.” Human behavior isn’t nearly as simplistic as you want it to be.

There is a spot in our brain, for example, that controls executive function. That is the function that we use to successfully organize, plan and execute a goal.

I know a person whose executive function was destroyed by a virus. She would be called lazy, unmotivated, and sinful by some – and has been. But human behavior is not that simple. Choice and will are not that simple.

There is a spot in our brain that gives us our identity as either male or female. We know ourselves as gendered persons because of a function of our brain.

And no, I am not talking about the soul right now. That mysterious self that lies beyond our science. I am not a materialist. But I believe that we are one, body and soul. One affects the other.

There is a place in our brain that floods our body with adrenaline. It is supposed to go off when we are attacked by bears or lions. It senses danger and prompts the body to act.

There are hormones, there are nerve endings – and all of this functioned perfectly when God created them male and female.

But then there was catastrophe. Sin entered the world. We became spiritually alienated from God and our bodies, our environment, our relationship to ourselves and our neighbor were all affected.

The brain started flooding the brain with danger signals when there was no danger. We became depressed, neurotic, prideful, even hateful, or contemptuous – as many different responses as their are types of persons.

People forgot who they were. We lost so much we can’t even fathom it. We can’t imagine a world without sin and death and pain and misery. We can’t imagine living without shame or guilt or fear. We can’t imagine living with a healed brain and a healed soul. We can long for it, but we can’t imagine in.

As I write this, my shoulder is cramping up and my knees hurt so badly I have to get up and stretch them out. I cannot imagine a day without pain.

If I believed in a simple “bible alone” response, I would say, “I can’t run the race. I can’t even walk across the store.”

And I know that there will be those who think I can be fixed by “their doctor” or by making better choices. Maybe. Maybe not. Life is far more complicated than better choices.

Sometimes the place in our brain that gives us our gender identity is messed up by abuse, by birth, by trauma, or simply by “I have no idea”. To me, it is simply a part of being a fallen human in a fallen world, longing for redemption and deliverence from the pain of existing.

So, is a transgender person sinning?

I cannot find even one passage in all of scripture that would apply. There is a relatively obscure verse in Deuteronomy that is pulled out like a weapon, but is it talking about a transgender person? Not really.

In fact, the church cannot be dogmatic about how to apply the law of God at all. Is it meant to be normative? Is all of the case law given in Deuteronomy supposed to be followed to the letter? What about that place in Numbers where a woman accused of adultery is supposed to drink water mixed with dust from the temple floor. We don’t have a temple any more. What are we supposed to do.

Here’s the verse I am referring to:

5 “A woman shall not wear anything that pertains to a man, nor shall a man put on a woman’s garment, for all who do so are an abomination to the LORD your God. Dt 22:5.

But what does it mean? The rest of the passage seems to deal with not mixing seeds, not mixing threads, and not mixing birds and eggs. Is Moses speaking of a thousand case laws, or is he teaching Israel that God has called a people for himself, and makes a difference between his seed and the serpent’s seed? I would lean to the latter, but what do I know? Do we need to throw away all of our garments that are made with mixed thread?

When Paul said, “Be anxious over nothing” was he speaking about those whose brain floods their body with adrenaline without a reason? Where someone is triggered by a smell, a sound, a phrase and goes into fight or flight mode? I think not.

I do know that Jesus said not to search the scriptures looking for a zillion rules, thinking that life would be found there. But look to scriptures as a testimony to Jesus.

So here is what my pea brain offers.

Wherever you are, whatever your coping method is, whatever gender you identify with, whatever your sexuality, whatever your background…

Whether you can’t remember if you turned of the stove and it ruins your whole day

Whether your executive function is damaged and getting up to do the dishes is the hardest thing you’ve ever done

Whether your gender switch is different that mine and you truly don’t know which bathroom to use

Whether you don’t see yourself as either male or female and don’t even know how to answer that question

Whether your anxiety is through the roof for no reason

Whether you lose the battle against your sins today, yet again

Jesus came just for you.

He didn’t come to make you a good slave.

He didn’t come to make you straight, or cis, or male, or female, or white, or republican

He didn’t come because he is sick and tired of you screwing up all the time and you better get it right…

He came for only one reason. Because God loves you, and God hates that cancer that is making you miserable.

He is in the business of restoring everything and making you beautiful. And making me beautiful. And you have a glimpse of that beauty in you right now.

Exercise that beauty that is in you. Do justly. Love faithfulness, and walk humbly with God.

He is coming and everything will be restored. He is longing for your embrace even more than you long for his, believe it or not.

And in his arms, everything will be made right.

As for my part, I am so tired of the impulse to tell everyone what is wrong with them. It does not good. It solves nothing. And I am not nearly smart enough to act as a judge.

Unless you are hurting someone less powerful than you. Then I have a problem.

Be faithful; be just; be humble. That’s the whole of everything.

 

 

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Filed under Gender, Image of God