Tag Archives: holiness

July 24, 2023 · 5:00 pm

Does the husband sanctify his wife?

As complementarians continue to make up reasons why they shouldn’t have to make their own sandwiches, it seems that every day something new comes along, each one more ridiculous than the last.

Kevin DeYoung, for example, writes that “I am responsible for my wife’s holiness.”

This isn’t new. I have heard it for years. It is based on Ephesians 5:26. The argument is this: Since the husband is called to imitate Christ’s love for his bride, and since Christ sanctifies his bride, the husband is called also to sanctify his wife. It has caused the infantilizing of women, countless abuses, violations of free volition, and tyranny, and has nothing to do with holiness.

To sanctify means to make holy. Or, as DeYoung writes, “I am responsible for my wife’s holiness.”

This is far more deadly than it first appears. There is much more at stake than simply dysfunctional marriages, as heinous as those are.

What is at stake is the gospel itself. It shows a complete misunderstanding of what sanctification actually is. For this reason, Christians really should study some of the basics of theology.

Israel was set apart by God as a holy nation. They were called to be holy, for Jehovah is holy. They failed, and served other gods.

In writing about the New Covenant, Jeremiah says,

31 “Behold, the days are coming, says the LORD, when I will make a new covenant with the house of Israel and with the house of Judah—32 not according to the covenant that I made with their fathers in the day that I took them by the hand to lead them out of the land of Egypt, My covenant which they broke, though I was a husband to them, says the LORD. 33 But this is the covenant that I will make with the house of Israel after those days, says the LORD: I will put My law in their minds, and write it on their hearts; and I will be their God, and they shall be My people. 34 No more shall every man teach his neighbor, and every man his brother, saying, ‘Know the LORD,’ for they all shall know Me, from the least of them to the greatest of them, says the LORD. For I will forgive their iniquity, and their sin I will remember no more.” Jer. 31:31–34.

More will be revealed as time progresses. But the idea is that God himself will make his bride holy, by separating them from the world in writing the law on their hearts instead of on tables of stone. They will be clean and holy, for they will be forgiven and cleansed.

Similarly, Ezekiel writes,

23 And I will sanctify My great name, which has been profaned among the nations, which you have profaned in their midst; and the nations shall know that I am the LORD,” says the Lord GOD, “when I am hallowed in you before their eyes. 24 For I will take you from among the nations, gather you out of all countries, and bring you into your own land. 25 Then I will sprinkle clean water on you, and you shall be clean; I will cleanse you from all your filthiness and from all your idols. 26 I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit within you; I will take the heart of stone out of your flesh and give you a heart of flesh. 27 I will put My Spirit within you and cause you to walk in My statutes, and you will keep My judgments and do them. 28 Then you shall dwell in the land that I gave to your fathers; you shall be My people, and I will be your God. 29 I will deliver you from all your uncleannesses. (Ezek 36:23–29).

Read those passages carefully for an understanding of what sanctification is. The law was given so that Israel might dwell in God’s presence and God might dwell with them. Being holy is being in God’s presence. But the wicked shall not stand there.

So they must be cleansed from their evil ways and given a new heart – a heart that loves instead of a heart that hates; a heart that doesn’t dream of following idols or chasing after the neighbor’s wife, or stealing the neighbor’s cattle, because it is a changed heart, a new heart and a new spirit.

And how does it come? NOT by the law, for that can never make anyone holy. Not because it is defective, but because WE are defective.

For if there had been a law given which could have given life, truly righteousness would have been by the law. 22 But the Scripture has confined all under sin, that the promise by faith in Jesus Christ might be given to those who believe. (Gal. 3:21–22).

Because the law could never save, Jesus became flesh and joined himself to his people. He kept the law for his people, and took their curse upon himself.

And when he ascended into heaven with the blood of his sacrifice, just like the ancient priests brought the blood into the holy of holies, he received the promise of his Father.

“Ask of me” he said, “And I will give you the heathen for your inheritance.”

In Peter’s sermon on Pentecost, he shows us how this promise was fulfilled in the pouring out of the Holy Spirit.

Just as God’s presence filled the temple in Solomon’s day, so also the Spirit fills his church because Jesus has conquered death and was obedient to the Father even in his crucifixion.

So Jesus pours out his spirit. He gives the new heart and the new flesh. He causes us to love by conforming us to his image. He sanctifies us as his Holy Temple by joining us to himself as the head, and we are the body.

And so we are sanctified, because we are in him.

“You are already clean,” he said, “Because of the word that I have spoken to you.”

Jesus has the words of eternal life. He speaks and accomplishes all of his good pleasure. He said, “Lazarus, come forth!” – and the dead were raised.

He sanctifies by his word and by his spirit.

All that a human being can do is lay down the law, and enforce outward conformity. And this is NEVER what the bible means by holiness. If the inside of the cup isn’t clean, what good does it to to polish the outside. But if the inside IS clean, the outside will take care of itself.

How can a husband clean the inside of anyone? He cannot even make himself holy!

So, Mr. DeYoung, tell me again how husbands can usurp this place of Jesus?

As soon as you can speak and draw the dead out of the graves…

As soon as you can take the curse of the law upon yourself…

As soon as you can breathe and fill your wife with the Holy Spirit…

As soon as you can call down tongues of fire on your wife’s head…(without setting her hair on fire)

As soon as you can make her a living stone in the temple of the living God…

Then I will concede that you are responsible for your wife’s holiness.

Until that day, though, I will love my wife, pray with and for her, talk with her, listen to her, praise our Savior together, and walk through this valley of tears together, holding her hand and making our journey together a little more bearable, just as she does with mine.

But I’ll never pretend to be the Holy Spirit, nor will I usurp the place of the Groom in my home. He is perfectly capable of sanctifying my wife and doesn’t need a neo-pope to do it. I’ll point her to Jesus just as she points me to Jesus. And we will do this together.

I’ll be her companion and her lover and her friend. But I will never be her Redeemer and Savior.

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March 22, 2021 · 8:33 am

Purity Culture and Christ

According to the Scripture, purity comes by faith alone. We are clothed in Christ’s righteousness – the white robe of His purity. To seek purity anywhere else is idolatry and a denial of Christ.

(2Co 11:2-4)  2 For I am jealous for you with godly jealousy. For I have betrothed you to one husband, that I may present you as a chaste virgin to Christ.
  3 But I fear, lest somehow, as the serpent deceived Eve by his craftiness, so your minds may be corrupted from the simplicity that is in Christ.
  4 For if he who comes preaches another Jesus whom we have not preached, or if you receive a different spirit which you have not received, or a different gospel which you have not accepted– you may well put up with it!

When Paul said that he labors to present the church a “chaste virgin” to Christ, he is referring to salvation by faith alone. A “chaste virgin” is one who rejects all other gods and rests in Christ’s righteousness alone.

“Another Jesus” is another gospel. Another gospel teaches that some or all of our purity, our righteousness, our holiness, comes from another source – ourselves, our will power, our “cooperation with grace” or our good works.

To put this together, when we seek our holiness in anything other than the perfect, completed work of Christ, we have forsaken Christ, and embraced “another lover.” This is consistent with the prophets:

6 “Thus says the LORD, the King of Israel, And his Redeemer, the LORD of hosts:`I am the First and I am the Last; Besides Me there is no God.
  7 And who can proclaim as I do? Then let him declare it and set it in order for Me, Since I appointed the ancient people. And the things that are coming and shall come, Let them show these to them.
  8 Do not fear, nor be afraid; Have I not told you from that time, and declared it? You are My witnesses. Is there a God besides Me? Indeed there is no other Rock; I know not one.'”
  (Isa. 44:6-8)

The “purity culture” taught a whole generation of boys and girls that their purity is identical to virginity. Purity balls, purity rings, purity dances, and so one – became a means to dads to keep their daughters pure. This was the fruit of Bill Gothard, a false prophet who taught a false Christ.

In their quest for purity, they became impure. In their quest for righteousness, they became unrighteous. They built on another foundation, and chased after another lover. Her name was “virginity”, and it became another Jesus, another Christ, another gospel.

3 For they being ignorant of God’s righteousness, and seeking to establish their own righteousness, have not submitted to the righteousness of God. (Rom. 10:3)

In a weird ironic twist, in the pursuit of purity through virginity, they “spread their legs for another lover” in the words of Ezekiel. Blunt, but accurate.

And since God’s judgment is always fitting, the purity culture was actually rife with incest, abuse, assault, fornication, adultery, and all of the works of the flesh. Just as the scripture said it would be.

And because sometimes, things are deeply ingrained in us, I need to say this. “Purity culture” and Christian sexual ethics are not at all the same thing. To reject the purity culture is not the same as rejecting the bible’s teaching on sexuality. It is simply rejecting the false Christ it has become.

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August 28, 2018 · 1:52 pm

More notes on a remarkable book

So I finally finished reading “Why Can’t We Be Friends?” As I said in a previous post, I would let you know if I found anything goofy. Good news! Nothing goofy here. Just solid theology and an outstanding exhortation to all of us. Aimee does an admirable work here with human nature, the nature of salvation and sanctification, the holy catholic church and the communion of the saints. As I have said before, I don’t write book reviews, since I have completely forgotten how since my college days, but please go get this book and read through it. You won’t regret it.

I do have a few thoughts on the reaction to the book – in the myriad of blogs, tweets and comments, which I found quite distressing.

First, I am distressed and how many professing Christians seem to be completely obsessed by sex. It makes me sad that we can’t discuss friendship between men and women without “sex getting in the way”. We are obsessed with it. It occupies all of our thoughts and every waking moment. Aimee’s warning is proven by the aftermath. The modern evangelical is totally obsessed with sex. It’s sad to me.

Second, I am distressed by how many pastors confess that they cannot be trusted alone with a woman. Oh, they don’t put it exactly like that. They say, “I never text a woman. That’s how adultery starts.”

Or “I will never be alone with a woman, that’s how adultery starts.”

Or “I would never pick up a woman to give her a ride. That’s how adultery starts.”

So I would like to translate this for the layman. “I, a minister of the gospel, am so out of control and untrustworthy, that you cannot leave your wife or your daughters alone in my vicinity. I couldn’t even give them a ride to the hospital, because it is possible that I would be overcome with lust and attack them in the car.”

Really?

Why, then, are these guys ministers? So, you in the congregation, do yourself a favor. Whenever you hear an ordained minister confess that he has no self-control, and that he is so obsessed with sex that he cannot be trusted giving your daughter a ride to the hospital, or sending a text to your sister or wife, then please remove him from office. Why is he a shepherd to begin with?

And third, we really need to understand love and hate.

I was thinking this through as I was reading Aimee’s book. The Heidelberg Catechism says that we are “prone by nature to hate God and our neighbor.” God created us to love him with our whole heart, and to love our neighbor as ourselves. But when man fell, he became obsessed with himself. He became a fool, and said in his heart “There is no God. I am, and there is none like me. (Psalm 14:1; Isaiah 47:7-8).

When we are redeemed from our sin and misery by Christ, we are taken out of ourselves and our obsessing with ourselves, and our thoughts are directed outwards, first to God and then to our neighbor. This is love. When our affections are placed upon someone other than ourselves.

John wrote,

9 He that saith he is in the light, and hateth his brother, is in darkness even until now.
10 He that loveth his brother abideth in the light, and there is none occasion of stumbling in him.
11 But he that hateth his brother is in darkness, and walketh in darkness, and knoweth not whither he goeth, because that darkness hath blinded his eyes. (1 Jn. 2:9-11 KJV)

So here is what I am thinking. When we are born again, when we are walking in the light, we become far less obsessed about ourselves and our “purity” and far more interested in the duties we owe to God and the duties we owe to our neighbor.

This is really what concerns me about current evangelical ethics. We have become so self-absorbed and narcissistic that when we see a woman broken down on the side of the road, our first thought is “How will this affect my purity?”

Do you see the problem? It seems that this is hatred. It seems that this is the problem that Jesus had with the Pharisees. He said,

23 Woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for ye pay tithe of mint and anise and cummin, and have omitted the weightier matters of the law, judgment, mercy, and faith: these ought ye to have done, and not to leave the other undone. (Matt. 23:23 KJV)

The tithe, which is the duty we owe to God, was to be paid. But not as an excuse to act in hatred or indifference towards our neighbors in need. We might use as an excuse that we are very concerned with our purity, because it is the duty we owe to God, but we must remember what John wrote – this is a false dichotomy.

20 If a man say, I love God, and hateth his brother, he is a liar: for he that loveth not his brother whom he hath seen, how can he love God whom he hath not seen? (1 Jn. 4:20 KJV)

As I see it, this is the problem with current evangelical ethics. We are so concerned with our own personal purity, that we turn our backs on those in need. So we have become exactly like the Priest or Levite who wouldn’t cross the road to help a man in need because of their obsession with purity.

We would empty our diaconal account to make sure someone is not cremated, while abused women and children starve for lack of resources. We pass by a woman in need because we fear that we might start the neighbors talking – or worse, that we might lose control and attack her, apparently….

I don’t get it. We obsess over whether Rahab sinned by telling a lie, even though the alternative would have been the death of the spies. We say to God,

‘Master, I knew you to be a hard man, reaping where you did not sow, and gathering where you scattered no seed.
25 ‘And I was afraid, and went away and hid your talent in the ground; see, you have what is yours.’ (Matt. 25:24-25 NAS)

But when you say that, be prepared for the answer from the Master:

‘You wicked, lazy slave, you knew that I reap where I did not sow, and gather where I scattered no seed.
27 ‘Then you ought to have put my money in the bank, and on my arrival I would have received my money back with interest.
28 ‘Therefore take away the talent from him, and give it to the one who has the ten talents.’
(Matt. 25:26-28 NAS)

Honestly, it is easier to obsess over your own personal “purity” than it is to reach out to a neighbor in love. It is easier to hide the talent in the earth. You can’t get hurt that way. You won’t catch adultery that way. You can keep everything the way that it is and not be bothered.

But you can’t love that way. The true motivation isn’t purity, it is laziness and wickedness. Jesus calls it what it is.

This is the real problem. I’m glad that Aimee wrote about it.

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