Have you seen the “trend” going around, where fathers are groomin…oops, I mean “training” – their daughters to serve men, cleaning after them, cooking for them, serving them at the table…?
It is really stomach-churning. But far worse, it isn’t Christianity. Maybe it is God’s desire that we teach our daughters to be more and more like Jesus; perfecting their gifts, using those gifts in their communities, learning to speak without fear, growing in wisdom and stature.
It is true that women, like all of humanity, are called to serve. Men are also called to serve. It isn’t a gender role thing, it is what it means to be like Christ.
Matthew 20:25–28 (NKJV)
25 But Jesus called them to Himself and said, “You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and those who are great exercise authority over them.
26 Yet it shall not be so among you; but whoever desires to become great among you, let him be your servant.
27 And whoever desires to be first among you, let him be your slave—
28 just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many.”
Mutual service in Christ isn’t what I’m talking about. I’m talking about the fathers and mothers that teach their daughters that they are called to cook and clean and pick up after their fathers and brothers, that they are to serve, while the men are to be served.
And here is where it gets interesting. If I name the names of people who teach this (of which there are many) the response will be “Why did you name names? Did you confront them first? I know that they are good men who love the Lord!” And on and on.
But if I DON’T name names, then the response is “I’ve been a Christian my WHOLE LIFE and have never, ever heard anyone teaching this!”
Any reason at all to discount what I am saying. So I would simply invite you to look over my facebook page and see the hundreds of men and women who have been taught exactly what I am saying – that women’s goal is to be married and to serve men. Men are called to be served at home, since they have to do all the hard work.
None of this is taught in scripture. Yes, the scripture teaches women to serve. It also teaches men to serve. It teaches apostles and prophets, martyrs and pastors and teachers to serve.
And not just “I tell them what to do” kind of service, nor the kind of service like the Pope of Rome, surrounded by wealth, power and prestige and calling himself the “servant of servants”. This is not at all the kind of service that scripture calls for.
It calls for us – men and women – to put on the apron, do a load of laundry, mop the floor, bring our loved ones coffee, love, honor and respect one another.
When Jesus washed his disciples’ feet, it was the work of a servant – THAT is the kind of service Jesus calls us all to.
If you are teaching your boys and girls to have a servant’s heart, you have no argument from me.
It is the teaching that only GIRLS are called to serve. That boys are called to lead and to BE served. None of this is in the bible.
Maybe we can do better. Maybe we can teach our daughters to grow to their full potential, led by the Holy Spirit, with gifts and callings and personalities all their own.
And maybe we can teach them that they can live their lives fully before the face of God without fear and shame, whether they ever marry or not.
Perhaps God’s will for our daughters, just like his will for our sons, is that they be conformed to the image of God’s Son, and thus become fully human, fully alive – without ever having to suppress their voice or their beauty or their wisdom out of fear of insecure masculinity.
Marriage should allow both men and women to be fully who they are before God, thriving and loving as image-bearers, and thus a fountain of blessing to all who know them.
Why isn’t this our goal?
I posted something similar to that on Facebook yesterday and people are losing their minds. I’m being called a hater of God, an unbeliever, a bad influence on Christian women, a pagan, a feminist, a heathen, non-reformed, a Satanist, and so on.
It got me thinking –
Pharaoh lost his mind when Moses said, “Thus saith the Lord, Let my people go.” He didn’t want to lose the work of the slaves. It, after all, was the order that his gods placed on the world. Pharaoh and Egyptian males first, women and Israelites next. Every knows that, right? It is the natural order of things.
But when God said, “Let my people go” it upended everything about Pharaoh’s religion and social order. That is why he couldn’t bend.
Similarly, even though the Lord so clearly loves and values women as his image-bearers, and did not create or redeem them to be the slaves of men, yet His cry, “let my people go!” upends the status quo and turns everything upside down. It arouses the same fury in the ones who hold the power.
BTW – I’m not speaking of divorce right now, I am speaking of letting go of the control and domination of wives and daughters and watching them thrive as image-bearers of God.
If the first thing your wife would do if you let go of your control and dominion is leave your sorry a#@, maybe you should rethink your lifestyle.
You could, maybe, learn to make your own sandwiches.
She is your fitting help, not your property or your servant.
Malachi 2:16 is often translated “God hates divorce”. I have written extensively on how bad that translation is. The Hebrew reads “Because he hates, let her go…”
It is the exact same word used in Moses’ instructions to Pharaoh. “Let my people go” or “let (her) go”. Set her free. If you hate her so much that she is odious to you, send her away.
If not, then please treat her as the scripture commands you to – as a co-heir of eternal life.
One day, you will stand before God and answer to how you treated her, a firstborn son, an heir of all things, and the bride of Christ.
6 responses to “Co-heirs of eternal life”
“If the first thing your wife would do if you let go of your control and dominion is leave your sorry a#@, maybe you should rethink your lifestyle.”
One of the best sentences ever.
I love this. I comment to say ‘I agree’. And I post what God brings to mind in the resonance of the indwelling Spirit, when I read your thought inspiring, Spirit led, words, brother.
There is nothing to add; this is so much ‘on the mark’. It is SO affirming of the Truth of the Gospel, that all I can do is simply say that.
Your words edify, Sam; they strengthen my resolve in my walk with God.
May God strengthen and affirm you and sustain you. Stand firm on the Rock of our salvation, Jesus, the Messiah!
God bless you, brother!
Thank you, Bill!
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Just wanted to quickly comment that both this page (which I’m trying to read sometime soon) AND the most recent on about Husbands, love your wives (just reading it now!) are like two sides of the same coin! Eerie!
Thank you so much for this. There were so many things that stood out.
“that women’s goal is to be married and to serve men. Men are called to be served at home, since they have to do all the hard work.”
The attitude I mostly heard was that of COURSE the Lord calls both men and women to serve, just not in the same exact ways. Men are to serve via leadership type roles, and women serve via housework type roles. But they are both equally important, equally deserving of respect and honor. They are just kept separate from each other; it keeps things orderly and organized. God is not a God of chaos, right? And this is how society, or a household, or a marriage remains “functional.” There is no shame in being a girl/woman, but it IS a shame if you do not know what your appropriate, God-given “roles” are as a girl/woman.
Another way to describe this sort of narrative is called “separate but equal,” but no one actually said it like that, because we all KNOW where that odious phrase originally came from. It is just as sinful in this time, as it was just as sinful at that time, but the worst part is insisting that this is all God-ordained/God-approved.
“But when God said, “Let my people go” it upended everything about Pharaoh’s religion and social order. That is why he couldn’t bend.”
It is also important to realize that if he hadn’t taken away their freedom, he and his country would not have had the freedom to become as economically powerful as they became. There is much to be gained from free slave labor; enslaving a portion of humanity in the name of elevating another portion of humanity. No living wages to be paid, no human rights to be respected, no need to recognize their basic intrinsic worth.
You create a system of fear via extreme power imbalances in your own country (or church, or household), and you create a system of being feared by the outside world. Those that lust for power are never content to have their power contained.
“It is the teaching that only GIRLS are called to serve. That boys are called to lead and to BE served. None of this is in the bible.”
I honestly think that such power imbalances within the home, are not intended to be restricted to the home. And not in a good way. Anything that is not in the Bible but promoted as IF it is in the Bible, never leads to anything good, in OR out of the home.