Author Archives: Sam Powell

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About Sam Powell

What am I doing here? I am an ex-Reformed pastor. I love the system of doctrine found in the confessions of the church because they lead to Jesus, exalt Jesus, and clarify the life and work of Jesus. But I worship him, not the confessions. I will never use the confessions of the church to beat someone down or to win some kind of argument. In Reformed and Presbyterian churches, I hear over and over again how the books of order, the constitutions, and the centuries of procedures are used to silence the abused, drive away the sheep, protect the powerful, and maintain the status quo. If you haven't seen it, you haven't been paying attention. On top of this, in the 1980s and 1990s, several influential and powerful men introduced a new theology in the church as a response to feminism. They called it "complementarianism". They based it on a novel interpretation of the Trinity, by introducing authority and submission into the persons of the Trinity. Doing this, they contradicted the unanimous testimony of the church since the 4th century. And one more - in the 70s, a cult leader named Bill Gothard invented a religion which he called "Institutes of Basic Life Principles". He peddled it to millions under the guise of Christianity. All of these streams combined into a weird, oppressive, violent, vicious mixture which has infiltrated the churches. It is a strange new religion, under the guise of Christianity, but has nothing to do with it. It has gone by different names: Moral Majority; Christian Nationalism; Patriarchalism; It worships power and authority, it worships traditions and parliamentarian procedures, it worships celebrity, and it worships those who can argue down a liberal or a feminist. It values destroying enemies with argument, it values contempt and winning the debate. It calls for the release of Barrabas - at least he was trying to do something about Rome- And shouts for Jesus to be crucified. What this new religion doesn't have is: Jesus, the Lamb of God Grace Mercy Compassion Understanding Listening or Good news. All it knows is law. And all it trusts in is power. It knows nothing of washing feet, of letting the mind of Christ dwell in us, or of taking the lowest place. So this is why I am here. For those who have been run down by Driscoll's bus, who have been crushed by the Gothard machine, cast out by Wilson's cult (or Piper's or MacArthur's)... ...for those who are so confused that they don't know how to separate the gospel of Jesus Christ from the lies and tangles that the enemy has woven into a snare... I offer my services. I can listen. I can help untangle the lies by pointing you to the simplicity of the faith once for all delivered to the saints. You can find me at sampowellministries.com

On Getting Old

I don’t understand what happened. Yesterday, I was doing the Bird with Morris Day and the Time and all of the sudden I got old.

Thank you all for the birthday greetings. I truly love my birthday because of the greetings. There are some that I am like “Hey, they haven’t unfriended me yet!” and that makes me smile a little.

And then a lot of new faces. I love my new friends, my new community. I feel safe for the first time. I love my new church family. I can’t describe to you what it feels like to be safe to grow, to examine theology, to have deep thoughts without fear.

I never had that. Ridicule or anger from my father, or contempt, plotting and hatred from those who vowed to partner with me in ministry. Safety is a new feeling – psychological safety to question, to wonder, to learn and to grow.

And meeting new friends! It is so wonderful to see things from new perspectives and meet people from new backgrounds. I am beginning to understand the holy, catholic church in new ways, and it is truly liberating.

But now I get tired when I do the Bird and my joints ache.

My memories collide with my shame and all of the things I tried to use to hide behind.

I figured that if I acted a certain way, maybe then I can hide from the faces of people and try to pretend that their judgment doesn’t bother me. Maybe then my family of origin would welcome me into their circle. I got so tired of being on the outside wondering what it was like to be acceptable.

But that just dug the hole deeper and deeper

And I am so glad to be learning to be free from the shame of my existence. I won’t go back. I’m tired of hiding who I am.

I have anxiety. I am not at all sure of myself in most situations. I spend a lot of time wondering about things.

Today I wondered what would happen if I tried to play a digeridoo at my cat. My cat did not approve, but it was pretty funny.

I know, this is not appropriate behavior for a man over sixty.

Sigh.

I don’t want to be elderly. I want to listen to 21 pilots with my grandkids, smile at all the ways they want to make the world a little better. I want new legislation, I want everyone to be able to access healthcare; I want everyone in my community to be able to eat healthy food if they want to. And I want them to be able to afford cake and ice cream if they want to.

I don’t ever want to fall into the trap of saying, “Back when I was a kid, things we a ton better” – because they weren’t.

Abuse was rampant, racism wasn’t even hidden, women couldn’t buy houses or have credit cards, and if you had nothing, you starved outside.

I thank God for all of those who had the courage to say “Enough” – And I want to always have that courage. The courage to look at the world and say, “NO. I’m not happy with how we turned out. I’m not happy with our kids being addicted to drugs and violence and porn and alcohol. I’m NOT happy with turning our backs on people with disabilities. I’m not happy with unequal pay and gender bias. I am not happy when LGBTQ kids are kicked out of homes and schools and workplaces. We can do better.”

I’m old. But I’m not dead. And I’m not deceived into thinking that “we had it made back in our day.”

We are better than this. To my kids, I am so ashamed that my generation left you with this. Be better.

As for me, I still love to learn. I still love new ideas. I love listening to Taylor Swift’s new albums and don’t ever think that back in my day we had real music. Get real. We had “Abracadbra. I want to reach out and grab ya.”

Every generation had things that were horrible, and things that we good. Hold fast to the good. Throw out the horrible.

Throw out the racism, misogyny, lust for power and control. Throw out Reaganomics. It’s a bust and a lie. Throw out the garbage you inherited.

Learn to love and to laugh and to stand up to masked thugs.

Let’s have a few more years on this earth.

But seriously, thanks for the Birthday greeting.
I feel like I’ve had to put up with myself for over 60 years now, so I’m going to need some pie.

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Why I changed my mind…

This could also be called “more ammunition for my enemies to use against me…” if I cared, that is.

Interesting thing. When they have taken away everything that you thought you couldn’t live without, and you survived and are thriving, you no longer really care about their threats. Plus, I make liberal use of the block key, which is wonderful.

I changed my mind on the LGBTQ community. Most of you probably suspected that I was leaning that way. And, no, it isn’t because I suddenly abandoned the scripture. It is actually my love of God’s word that has led me to be gay affirming.

First, I don’t think that the handful of scripture used to condemn same sex attraction are about that at all. I changed my mind on that one. As I look at those passages, they are about abuse, degradation and idolatry.

Second, I also affirm that God created one man and one woman and brought them together. Before the fall. After the fall, everything got twisted around and men and women fled from God and tried to find their way home without him..

But the only hope of salvation is that God came looking for us. In fact, the heart of the gospel is that Jesus came to seek and to save that which was lost. You, me, the whole world.

And salvation never came through the law. All that the law can do is bring death. When you say, “Stop that behavior”, all that you are doing is increasing shame. And shame triggers hiding (what we call trauma response), and you cannot grow in love and peace and joy when you are hiding in terror from the face of God.

Nothing new here. I’ve been preaching that forever.

But the religious right is far more interested in the law. For some reason, they think that shouting at gay people will bring about peace on earth…

But I digress.

The only thing that will change a heart is love. Love without “yes, but I also find you repugnant.”

Or “Yes, but I’m going to need you to change”.

Or, “Yes, I love you, but hate your sin.”

You see, all of those responses are shame-based. Which bring guilt, fear, hiding and (you guessed it,) trauma.

Only when the brain is completely safe can it change and grow. But if you tell the brain to change and grow, it backfires, and you don’t get what you think you will get.

Paul calls that the “works of the flesh” and then he describes a whole list of things that we use to try to hide our shame from ourselves and from the world.

He could be describing the behavior of the religious right there.

So how can the brain grow and learn and bring the fruits of love?

Only by being implanted into Christ and his love, which absolutely MUST be free, unconditional, and without reproach, or it backfires.

And the love of Christ never, ever backfires.

Here’s what got me thinking:

I know personally, and I have heard the stories of others, many many times, of teenagers begging God to take away their gayness.

Every day new stories come. They have been told that they are going to hell. They know that their parents will abandon them if they “come out”.

And they are on their knees night after night begging God to take their gay away.

That leaves me with a problem theologically.

Either God doesn’t hear prayer.

OR God doesn’t hear prayer unless we muster up enough will-power to change our hearts.

OR God turns his back on people who truly and desperately are begging for help.

All of these scenarios are repugnant to me, not because I am suddenly “liberal”, but because I read the gospels.

Imagine a young man pursuing Jesus night after night. He finally gets up the courage to say, “Please, Jesus – take away my sin”

Or “make me clean”

Or “Love me, Lord. Please welcome me and help me.”

And Jesus saying, “Nah. I’m not going to help you. I hate your sin too much. But if you fix yourself up enough and save yourself, then I might not throw you into hell.”

This is not the Jesus who bore my sin and shame on the cross.

Does Jesus have the power to change “gayness”. He certainly does, if he desires.

Does Jesus ever send anyone away who comes to him for mercy? Never. “Whosoever comes to me, I will never, ever cast out.”

Do gay men and women beg Jesus for help? They do.

The only conclusion that I can come to is that Jesus doesn’t think about them the same way that the religious right thinks about them.

And that is why I changed my mind. Because I am really tired of young men and women killing themselves because all they have known is hatred for something they can do nothing about.

And now, the self-righteous among my readership are saying, “They CAN do something about it. They can choose not to act on it!”

So now Christianity is salvation by law?

Did you forget what the Bible says, “If righteousness comes by the law, then Christ died in vain.”?

If any of us could “choose not to act on it” or “choose to be better people” or “just stop…”

Then Christ came in vain.

But if Christ did not come in vain, but came in power, then he is powerful enough to have mercy to all who call upon him. And he will.

And he will change us into his glorious likeness.

But he will do it in such a way that we don’t lose the beautiful color, beautiful personhood, beautiful diversity of our wonderful, rainbow-filled humanity.

What does that look like? I have no idea. I live now in a world of death and misery. But how I long for that day.

Until then, I will let the Holy Spirit work on my AND work on my brothers and sisters and whatever other gender of those who walk this earth with me, all searching for their way home.

And you will now say, “Jesus loves us as we are, but he doesn’t leave us as we are.”

That is true. And yet when will we be like him? When will we be free of this body of death? What does that even look like?

Is it possible to rest in that love of Jesus if you are convinced that he hates you because you are still unclean in his eyes? How can you come to the Father’s embrace if you are sure that he will hate and reject you the minute you do?

No. It is the love that changes us in HIS time to be like HIM. Pure and holy, clean and beautiful in all of our glorious color and breadth of our beauty!

Through that love, which Jesus has promised he will never take away, we are safe. Safe in his arms, safe from rejection and death. Safe from being cast away forever.

And when we have psychological safety, the self is free to love and to grow and to change. And I will let the Holy Spirit decide what that looks like.

I promise you, though, that it won’t look like the abusive, power-hungry man that fills most of the pulpits of the religious right.

I will always reject covenant breakers, abusers, the unjust, the arrogant, the proud – those who cast the stones and then go home to hit their wives and abuse their slaves. Those who make and believe a lie. Those who trample the poor for new shoes and rob the houses of the widows. Those who make millions endorsing bibles and those who enrich themselves off the death of the poor.

That is a far different thing.

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The gathering of outcasts Episode 7; June 14

https://www.podbean.com/media/share/pb-yzb9e-18d84af

We talk about neurobiology, shame, fear – law and gospel. Coming out of hiding and embracing God’s love

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Racism, power and LA protests

From the time of the tobacco plantations in Virginia 400 years ago, black and brown people were exploited by wealthy landowners.

From the time of the first kidnapping of Africans as enslaved humans, the biggest threat to wealthy white men was an uprising.

Law after law was passed in the colonies to “keep the peace”, which was really to keep the African enslaved and to prevent them from rising up against their chains.

As more and more enslaved people around the world cast off their bondage, White land-owners in America tightened the screws, terrified of the same thing.

White men were required to carry weapons; they were required to capture and return any black man on the street. Any preacher caught preaching against slavery in the 19th century would be fined astronomical amounts and imprisoned. An enslaved person learning to read or carrying a weapon would be brutally suppressed.

The second amendment developed from the violent racism embedded in our culture. A well-armed militia was not to defend against tyrannical governments, but to defend against any slave uprising.

(Even today, the powers that be are terrified of a black man with a weapon, regardless of second amendment rights.)

In my former circles, a group of armed white ranchers protesting the government were freedom fighters and patriots. A group of black men protesting the same thing were thugs who deserved to be shot on sight. (Kyle Rittenhouse, anyone?)

My former denomination is pretending that they have been around for 300 years and are celebrating next week, with Kristy Noem congratulating them. My new denomination is praying for justice, racial reconciliation, and calling on the government to put away greed, hatred and desire for revenge. I am very glad to have nothing to do with my former life.

We need to be clear what is happening in LA. The powers in Washington are not concerned about law and order at all. Remember that the armed white republicans who violently staged an insurrection and stormed the Capitol were painted as freedom fighters, pardoned, and will eventually be financially rewarded.

This is not about peaceful communities. This is about the same thing it has always been about. White power is terrified of angry brown and black people refusing to be exploited and enslaved anymore.

When your white neighbor wears a MAGA hat, this is what he is longing for – the day when BIPOC people knew their place, women stayed at home and white men were in charge.

For all of you MAGA people who pretend to be greatly offended when I call you racist, prove it. Denounce this monster that you placed in office and demand that he and all the white men who have taken arms against the government be punished to the extreme of the law.

Until that happens, we will continue to resist.

Says a white older man who is fed up with hypocrisy, racism, misogyny and hatred.

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The gathering of outcasts June 7, 2025

https://www.podbean.com/media/share/pb-cxbg7-18cdbf9

We speak of God’s wrath and what it means, we speak of justice, and we speak of the cross of Christ as his place of victory of the powers of darkness

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The Gathering of the Outcasts, episode 5

https://www.podbean.com/media/share/pb-xjkcm-18b9b9f

We discuss the presence of God and reflecting God’s love in the brokenness of the world

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Love wins

For four hundred years, white Christians have twisted the Bible and bullied, threatened and lied to hold onto the idolatry of white supremacy.
God will not hold them guiltless.

But it isn’t Christianity. They’ve actually been persecuting Christ and his people, and have been since the time of Christ.
Many thousands of us have been hounded out by arrogant supremists masquerading as the people of God. But they are known by their fruits.

Power, supremacy, money and status are the pursuits of anti Christ and their passion is lit by the fires of hell.
They will not succeed, no matter how much they preen and boast.

Those who practice hate, contempt, racism, misogyny, blasphemy, lies, fornication and adultery will always crushed under the feet of the Lamb, and those who follow the Lamb, with the courage to love, and the faith to practice peace will rest with him in this world and the world to come.

Babylon will have its last hurrah, and they will be blown away by the breath of God.

These are the those who cheer when the George Floyds and the Emmit Tills are tortured to death;, but their blood cries out from the earth to the ears of the Living God.

So give voice to the voiceless, speak for the cast out, embrace the broken, feed the hungry, rebuke the racist, be intolerant to the sexist, hug the trans kid, and don’t lose heart.

These guys don’t win. Hate always loses.

Take heart. Love wins.

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Profit and loss

Last summer I was walking through a grocery store and overheard two elderly gentlemen in a discussion. They were talking about the felony convictions of 47. They didn’t doubt he was a criminal felon. They talked about his rapes and they didn’t doubt them. They talked about his narcissism and psychotic tendencies.

And then I overheard one of them saying something I won’t forget.

“Well,” he said, “I’ll probably still vote for him. In the end I reckon he’ll put more money in my pocket than the other guy.”

That made me sad, and I thought about it.

The argument resonated with me because I was born and raised in those circles, so I’ve heard it before.

Cut taxes. Lower prices. Leave more money for all of us.

We were eventually tricked into thinking that this was the whole of the human experience.

I’m all for cutting waste and spending money wisely, but I think we need to remember what Jesus said over and over again.

What shall it profit a man if he gain the whole world and lose his soul?

I don’t think he was thinking about Grecian metaphysics, with a dichotomy between spirit and body. That was a bit of a foreign concept to Jewish thinking.

Soul meant something more profound. It could be translated “life”, or “breath”. Jesus could have been talking about death. What will it profit a man to gain everything this world has to offer and then die.

And that is true. Solomon had the same insights in Ecclesiastes.

But I don’t think that even that exhausts what Jesus is talking about. Because to the mind of a first century Jew, psyche meant something even more than that. It means everything that makes a human a human. It means the self, the part of humanity that was created to reflect God.

Living through these days, I think I am starting to get a glimmer.

If your whole life is consumed by profit, and the whole of your morality is who will leave the most money in your pocket, soon you will lose your very soul.

The music and the dancing. The part that plays with the cat.

The song and the poetry. The art and the novel.

Empathy for the outcast. Love for the neighbor. joy in colors and art and expression.

The glint of a rainbow on the tear of a shepherd, the rapturous joy in the final moments of Beethoven’s fifth symphony.

The chills of the entrance of the trombone in Prokofieff’s third piano concerto; the astounding skill of Caravaggio and the brilliance of Poe.

The perfect pairing of wine with each course of dinner. The beauty and joy of the embrace of love.

The first kiss. The first time someone spoke to you with respect. Your first time making love. Your first embrace.

The first time you found someone and realized that you were wanted and loved.

Standing in the middle of a lonely highway in Wyoming singing Mahler at the top of your lungs after one too many…(not that I have EVER done this).

Growing your hair long, or cutting it short. Wearing an earring, getting a tattoo.

Or having a conversation and sharing a glimpse of your soul in safety, without fear. It took me too long to realize the joy of that. I longed for that and never knew it.

And we forget beauty and freedom and love and joy – because we are afraid.

Egg prices get high. Gas gets high. Somebody is different than I am and wants to come to my church.

And all of the sudden you are afraid that you won’t be good enough or pure enough or strict enough to earn God’s favor because you did something wrong somewhere, or you accepted and loved a sinner, or were friends with a sinner on social media, so now God is going to remove his blessing.

And somewhere along the line, you forgot – Your blessings, your “money in the pocket” doesn’t come from a politician or from making the right choices, or from working hard or running faster or having stronger will power…

It comes from the uncontrollable, unlimited, incredible love and goodness of God.

As my pastor said this morning, “It’s God’s party, and he can invite who he wants.”

And that blows the mind.

Because the love of God is free. His love and blessing for you aren’t dependent on how well you perform. He delights in you and delights in your personality and your dancing and singing. He created you to laugh and sing, even though there are times when we weep and mourn – the laughter will come again. If we don’t crush it out of fear.

And when you know and feel that love of God given so freely to you, suddenly love becomes far more important that how much money is in the pocket. And then you might see that God’s resources are unlimited. There is enough for everyone. But God is calling us to step away from our vaults and our counting machines and our investment portfolios and our fear and learn to dance again.

Cast your bread upon the waters, For you will find it after many days. Give a serving to seven, and also to eight, For you do not know what evil will be on the earth. (Ecclesiastes 11:1-2)

Paul and Silas sang in prison. We can sing with expensive eggs. Maybe that is the lesson God is showing us. That the price of eggs isn’t worth the price of the soul.

Sing, dance, paint, write a poem. And more importantly than even that –

Let your neighbor draw, sing, paint, write and dance. His enrichment might actually enrich you.

It certainly won’t make you poorer.

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I grieve

I am grieving, and have been for years.

In 2010, I had my world shattered with the reality of abuse, and the apparent inability of the Reformed world to address it.

I thought it was an anomaly; I thought that my colleagues would love to be trauma-informed and study with me how to better serve their neighbor.

Instead, they ignored me. They whispered their insults and names, and thought that I didn’t hear them. They started passing my blog around among themselves and shaking their head sadly.
I persisted.

In 2016, when Trump won the primary, I changed by party affiliation. I thought that the accusations that the GOP was racist, misogynist, abusive and greedy were simply slanders – and then they elected Trump and I realized that it wasn’t a slander. They said then “We’ll we don’t like a lot about him, but we can’t have Hilary, so we have to hold our nose of vote Trump.”

I watched my beautiful country and my beloved church become hard, contemptuous, hateful, divisive – and I realized that they didn’t vote Trump in spite of his revolting wickedness, but because of it. They liked it.

They liked his railing, his lies, his contempt, his hatred.

And then in 2020, on January 6th, I said, “Now they will see.” And they didn’t.

I watched my former friends and my former circles reject every single bit of morality that they preached about for years.

They twisted themselves into knots justifying everything he did.
“Let Trump be true, and every man a liar” became their motto.

He consistently and brazenly bragged about breaking every single commandment of God, and the evangelical, reformed world shouted AMEN.

I believed my church was concerned about morality. I was wrong.

I believed my country would wake up with the mountains of evidence piling up. I was wrong.

And here is why I am grieving now.

I now see that my country is Babylon. We used to side with the beautiful, the downtrodden and the oppressed.

Now America sides with the oppressor, the tormentors, the rich, the violent, the immoral, those who give and receive bribes.

We are no longer great. We are now Babylon, and the fall will be tremendous.

Every single characteristic of the beast and the false prophet given in the scripture matches our country and its religion to a tee.

And I am grieving the loss. I am weeping at the destruction to come.

And I can’t get over the fact that it was the “conservative church” that that enabled every step.

I grieve that what could have been such a powerful force for good sold its soul to an orange con man who can’t even string a complete sentence together coherently.

I grieve that the blindness is complete and now there is no one at the gate.

I grieve.

I grieve and I still write for the same reason that I started in 2010 – to give hope to the oppressed, that God sees and God judges and he will return in glory to bring back beauty once again.

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The Gathering of Outcasts – Episode 4

https://www.podbean.com/media/share/pb-ht3ti-18a57a5

We discuss unity with Christ, the word “head”, how language works, and the theme of Ephesians.

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