December 22, 2024 · 7:57 am

Advent

I’ve been really sick lately. Just a seasonal cold, but it has knocked me out. So I don’t know if I my words come across.

But I know that there are so many that are suffering this advent. I wish I had paid more attention to advent when I was Reformed. It is a beautiful reminder to all who are hurting, lonely, hopeless – that God sees and knows and is coming to save.

Advent is hurting, and longing. Advent is wondering and waiting. Advent is screaming and crying and wondering when the pain will stop.

Advent is locked in, lonely, outcast, wandering – longing for home.

Advent is labor pains but not yet knowing the birth.

Advent is expectation – but not like a child excited for Christmas. It doesn’t always look like that. It is expectation that looks like hopelessness.

Like a dark night, like a barren field, like desert, like a wilderness – like stuck in an upper room with a ton of strangers about to give birth and having to sneak down to where the host keeps the animals to have some privacy.

It is asking “What is God doing? Does he care? Does he see? Does he know?”

And then the dawn breaks. Then the trumpet sounds. Then the angel choirs sing.

The first advent was in the dark. Announced to the shepherds and the foreigners and the outcasts. It was the first advent. It isn’t yet complete.

The next is coming. Advent reminds us of the next. Stay awake. Open wide your doors. Open your wallets.

Give to those who have none. Love those who don’t know what that is. Be present for those who have never had anyone present or anyone who cared.

Be the ear for those whose voices scream out unheard.

Be the eye for those who go unseen.

Shine the light of Jesus in the dark while we all wait for home.

The groom is coming. He is coming. Wait. The consummation is at hand.

 

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November 29, 2024 · 7:49 am

The risk of love

A misogynist is not one who hates all women. He only hates those women who step out of line. As long as they stay in their place, he might even marry one.

A racist will always say, “I’m not a racist. I had a black friend years ago.” He really only gets angry when BIPOC eat in the wrong restaurants, drive in the wrong neighborhood, jogs through the wrong neighborhood, or are smarter, richer, and more talented than he is.

A transphobe really does hate trans people. Well, not if they dress and act and present themselves as the  “right gender”. But then they wouldn’t be trans, would they? So this one is on them…

A transphobe or a homophobe would insist that they don’t hate the person. They just hate the behavior and can’t appear as if they are condoning it.

So they won’t use the preferred pronouns. If you say, “Hey, maybe we should just love people and use their preferred pronouns” then you better have some blocking in place on your social media, because it is about to get ugly.

I’ve been thinking about these things lately.

And that, of course, leads me to thinking about love.

Other than Hugh Grant or Ricky Gervais, who freely admit it, most people don’t just come out and say “I hate everyone”.

But I have spent way too much time listening to conservative pastors warn about the dangers of loving the wrong sort of people in the wrong sort of way. My father used to say, “Sloppy agape” and chuckle at the cleverness.

And now they write about “toxic empathy” which is actually just empathy but it allows them to remain hardened and stiff-necked towards their neighbor and cover it over with a sheen of religiosity.

There was a belief system that I was nurtured in. Many of us were. Those of use who eventually tried to question it were finally run out.

The system that I am talking about is a culture disguised as Christianity. It is a culture of fear and distrust.

Archie and Edith sang the song of the culture:

Boy, the way Glenn Miller played!
Songs that made the Hit Parade.
Guys like us, we had it made.
Those were the days!
And you knew where you were then.
Girls were girls and men were men.
Mister, we could use a man like Herbert Hoover again.
Didn’t need no welfare state.
Everybody pulled his weight.
Gee, our old LaSalle ran great.
Those were the days!
source: https://www.lyricsondemand.com/a/archieandedithbunkerlyrics/thosewerethedaysallinthefamilythemelyrics.html

Yes, I’m old enough to have lived through it. I wasn’t allowed to watch the show. It was just liberal tripe. All the adults in my circles believed exactly what Archie Bunker believed and knew that they were being mocked.

But I digress.

The culture is this:

“If we love our neighbor, society will fall apart.”

Therefore, Love in the Bible must mean something different.

My dad would say “Love is the fulfilling of the law” – and what he meant by it was that if you didn’t steal from your neighbor or sleep with his wife, then you have fulfilled the law of love towards your neighbor.

I know I’m going to hear the “not everyone was like this” – and maybe you would be right. If there was someone in my church, my hometown, or my childhood that believed that schools shouldn’t be segregated, homeless people should be clothed and fed and housed, that BIPOC should be able to live peacefully in any neighborhood that they chose and people could love who they chose, they kept those views very quiet, so I never met them.

But here is what I did hear, and some of it I even believed and taught myself, to my shame.

If we love the wrong sort of people the wrong sort of way, things will fall apart completely.

Here’s how it goes:

“If we allow women to sit on committees or vote in congregational meetings, they will want to start leading the church, they will rebel against their husbands and pretty soon it becomes a woman’s club. Look at what happened to the….” (fill in the blank with a church that has women in leadership positions).

“If we have lunch with the effeminate kid (I hate that word so much) then people might think that we are gay and get the wrong idea.”

“If we listen to the kid that was raped in Sunday School, we will harm the ministry’s reputation and might never recover”

“If we let our wives vote, they might vote the opposite of the husband and cancel out his vote and his authority in the home” (These are the people that are being appointed to the cabinet next year, by the way).

“If you give that co-worker a ride to work, people might see you with her and think all sorts of bad ideas”

If you meet alone with a woman, people might think bad things about you. (I’ve written on this before).

“If you give that homeless guy a sandwich, pretty soon they will all keep coming back for more.”

“If you allow the migrant farm workers to fill their water jugs on your property, then pretty soon they will all come to fill their water jugs on your property.”

I have heard every single one of these. They were statements made publicly, for the most part. It was simply a part of our ugly culture.

But the biggest fear of all was satirized by the Bunkers. If we let men dress like women and women start acting like men, then society will go to pot. God will judge us and destroy us. He will send planes into towers and hurricanes into cities. Crops will fail.

An old minister said to me, “God can’t bless America like this” after a Supreme Court decision that he didn’t like.

I asked him if God’s blessing EVER came because we kept the law properly. He went silent after that.

He really believed that the days when blacks were on the plantations, women were disciplined and stayed at home, children were beaten into submission, and nobody aired their laundry in public were better days, worthy of God’s blessing. He really believed that if we could simply get people back into their places again, we could “Make America Great Again”.

If however, we set up a welfare state, women will just keep having babies and more babies just to get higher checks each month and we will go broke. We will have a society based on theft.

If we let black men carry weapons, we are just inciting violence. The second amendment only applies to white men and BIPOC who know their place and stay in their neighborhoods.

If we let trans people read to children, they will make our children prey and turn them gay.

The real problem I think is that Archie Bunker might have to pay a half a penny more in sales tax. Or that he might treat a woman like he is used to treating women and then she turns out to be a man and maybe His predatory habits might end up like “Crying Game” and he might be perceived as being gay.

Love is risky

The Bible never once says that if you love your neighbor, everything will turn out fabulous.

You might love your neighbor and have every homeless man in town knocking at your door for a sandwich.  Love them anyway.

You might appear as if you are condoning sin in the eyes of the Church Lady if you call the trans kid by his preferred pronoun. Do it anyway.

You might have a child that announces that he is gay and going to move in with his boyfriend. Love your gay neighbor anyway.

The migrant workers might learn a trade, start earning more money, maybe even get the job that you really wanted. Love them anyway. Welcome them. Protect the vulnerable.

When you help the child prosecute the pastor for sexual assault, your church might close the doors. Your reputation might be permanently destroyed, and you might never pastor again. Sit with her anyway. Sit on her side of the courthouse.

When you help your abused neighbor file for divorce against her violent and horrible husband, you might be cast out of your community, called horrible names and maybe even run out of your church. Do it anyway.

You might be called a friend of sinners. Love them anyway.

You might be spat on and considered dangerous. Love them anyway.

You might have to try to get away for a few days to avoid the crowds rushing to get some bread and fish. Love them anyway.

And they might actually crucify you – literally or metaphorically. Love them anyway.

Because love is risky.

Loving those who love you back is easy. Everyone does that.

Loving the ones who don’t threaten your place or your nation is easy. Everyone does that.

Loving the ones who wear their hair the right way or wear the right sort of clothes, or vote for the right candidate is easy. Everyone does that.

But that isn’t the love that Jesus calls us to. Jesus calls us to the love that costs. The love that is risky. The love that gives everything away rather than lose the soul.

The love Jesus calls us to is the love that might even end up getting us hurt or killed. We might lose our jobs. We might lose our place and our nation. We might lose our fancy ministries.

Love anyway. Let them talk. Sticks and stones and words hurt and destroy. But love abides forever.

Don’t redefine love to make it no longer risky. When you redefine it like that was it is no longer love. When it sticks to the party line, it is no longer love.

If you love your life, you will lose it.

Over against the Archie Bunker mentality, we need to learn to love more than ever.

The vulnerable population is scared. Love them. Political parties don’t need your love. Your neighbor does.

The future cannot be manipulated. That is the heart of what the Bible calls witchcraft – seeking the formula to force God’s blessing. It only leads to crucifixions and burnings and banishments. And it won’t ever secure the future.

The future is in God’s hand alone. So rather than say, “This is just a slippery slope to ruin…” Try saying this:

God loves me and will never let anyone pluck me out of his hand.

Even if I use a kid’s preferred pronoun. Even if I stand with the abused spouse.

Even if I eat lunch with a gay man. Even if I give a woman a ride home.

Even if I meet with a woman in my office.

Even if the whole church brands me a publican and a sinner.

Even if I pick the wrong candidate to vote for.

Even if I give the homeless man food and a blanket.

And even if my taxes go up so that vulnerable people can also get healthcare. Even if I decry systemic racism and they brand me a communist.

Even if my sales taxes go up a half a penny.

Even if I stand with the oppressed.

God’s got the future. Love is risky. Love anyway.

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November 21, 2024 · 8:15 am

A Rough Ride Ahead

Anyone who has worked with sexual assault or domestic assault victims will tell you that the greatest need right now is a re-haul of our outdated, misogynistic family and criminal court system.

It is almost impossible to prosecute rape. It is almost impossible for a woman to defend herself against an abusive man, even if the abuse is not disputed.

It is almost impossible to deliver children from the clutches of violent and perverse fathers. Many churches ordain predators, knowing that they are predators, and excommunicate the ones who dared to complain about it – following the example of John MacArthur. The system must be maintained, and, in the approving words of Mark Driscoll, if anyone won’t get out of the way, they’ll get run over by the bus of the system.

But now at least I understand why reform in these systems is so hard to come by: we really don’t have a problem with it.

We elected a man with 32 felony counts, millions of dollars in judgments against him for his rape victims, an insurrectionist, one who lies as he breathes, earns money by putting his name on bibles and forcing states to buy them, is a proven liar, covenant breaker, adulterer and thief hundreds of times over and is proud of it…and the problem is NOT that the felonies, accusations, and behavior are disputed. No one disputes the behavior. They are actually OK with it, and giddy at the prospect of inflicting immense suffering on the disabled, the children, the single parents, the immigrants, those who are desperate for medical care, and anyone else whose stories of suffering are inconvenient. So they call him David, thinking that this will somehow excuse their hatred and exculpate them when the gulags begin to be built.

The church first became a safe haven for thieves (a den, in Jesus’ words), threw out the ones who objected, and mesmerized the rest with promises of cheap eggs, cheap gas and dead transvestites and they bought it hook, line and sinker.

And yes, like in the days of Ahab and Jezebel, there are still prophets – but they will find themselves hiding in caves in the years to come.

So now that they are promising to banish American citizens with the military and do an ethnic cleansing, where will you be?

When the single moms can’t feed their children, where will you be?

When your daughter can’t get medical treatment because she can’t work and doesn’t have insurance, where will you be?

When the girl who conceived during her rape must send her child to her rapist because “he has rights too” – where will you be? And yes, this is happening all over the country.

When your wife miscarries and is arrested and jailed because someone who has no understanding or concern about women’s bodies thinks she had an abortion and she has no one to cry to, where will you be?

I think we are in for a rough 4 years. I wonder where the church will be?
And if you say, “Not everyone!” I hope not. But let’s back that up. Give to your local advocacy center. Take the discount on taxes and the discount on eggs and gas that you think you are going to get, and give weekly to that single mom who doesn’t know where her kid’s next meals are coming from.

Call up your local school and pay off the lunch fees of every kid there.

And here’s a thought – maybe the ego of your pastor doesn’t need a 4 million dollar cross or 50-million-dollar jet. Maybe give to the gay kid that just got kicked out of their home. Maybe set up a legal fund for the immigrants who will suffer immensely. Maybe set up weekly groceries for the family about to lose all of their SNAP funding.

Years ago, a man walked into a store and saw a hat with WWJD on it. He asked the clerk what it meant. The clerk said, “What would Jesus do?” The man said, “Probably not pay 19.99 for that hat.”

Jesus, with infinite resources and infinite power, never once used them for his own ego trip. In fact, it is what the devil tried to tempt him to do, but he refused.

Instead he fed the crowds. He healed the sick. He welcomed the foreigner. He taught the crowds, he held the children, he touched the unclean. And he commanded us to do the same.

But instead of doing what Jesus did, we rejoice in wickedness. We are giddy with the thought of not having to feed the poor, of kicking the foreigner out, of destroying health care and education. We celebrate adultery, insurrection, violence, theft, greed and pride. But here is a beautiful promise: God will set things in order. It is time for us to truly do what Jesus did and follow his example.

Psalm 50:14–23 (NIV)
14“Sacrifice thank offerings to God, fulfill your vows to the Most High,
15and call on me in the day of trouble; I will deliver you, and you will honor me.”
16But to the wicked person, God says: “What right have you to recite my laws or take my covenant on your lips?
17You hate my instruction and cast my words behind you.
18When you see a thief, you join with him; you throw in your lot with adulterers.
19You use your mouth for evil and harness your tongue to deceit.
20You sit and testify against your brother and slander your own mother’s son.
21When you did these things and I kept silent, you thought I was exactly like you. But I now arraign you and set my accusations before you.
22“Consider this, you who forget God, or I will tear you to pieces, with no one to rescue you:
23Those who sacrifice thank offerings honor me, and to the blameless I will show my salvation.”

It is a beautiful thought. Cry unto him, open your wallet, show Jesus’ love to the world and especially your neighbor. And wait for the day when God will set his accusations before the wicked.

PS – in the Greek, “hospitality” is literally “love of foreigners, strangers, non-citizens” – philoxenia.

Practice hospitality – God says. If you are rejoicing at the prospect of immigrant families being torn apart, you do not have the mind of Christ. Period.

 

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October 22, 2024 · 5:31 pm

On being empty

I used to be far more prolific in my writing and in keeping up.
But I’m tired now.

I feel like I’m unravelling most of the time. Hymns I used to love remind me of faces and events that leave me hurt and empty.

I try to read and study like I used to but my heart isn’t in it.

There is something about a public free-for-all condemnation that leaves a person broken. My former circles either took part in the stoning or stood by and watched it happen. And that leaves a person bruised on the side of the road.
Many of you know what I mean.

And now I feel empty, just waiting for something – but I don’t know what.
I enjoy my job and my coworkers. I feel useful. But it is physically exhausting to run a kitchen.

And when I get home, I remember the former days when I used to be interesting and witty and had things to say – but I mostly now just feel empty.

I feel like all of my theological and philosophical systems have left me battered and broken, and then I realize that those same systems have been crushing the weak underfoot for centuries.

It was the Reformed/Presbyterian system that justified slavery and still does.

It is the Reformed Presbyterian system that leaves women without a voice.

It is the Reformed Presbyterian system that teaches parents that their children are vipers in diapers and need to have their will broken by physical violence.

And those of you still in the system will say, “Not everyone. There are a lot of good people”. And there are. I know some.

But they still send their money to Greenville Seminary. They still support those who have bowed the knee to Doug Wilson. Money still flows to those who cause the little ones to stumble and teach others to do it as well.

They still sit quietly while children are beaten until blood runs down their legs and wives are abused and 11 year old girls are forced to face their rapist and “forgive them” because they are just so so sorry now.

And every time I tried to write about it, I was rebuked for attacking God’s Church – in huge capital letters. As if God approved the deeds that they did in the dark.
That was the system that I loved and embraced. I thought that the hatred and the violence and the arrogant “us vs the world” was an anomaly.

Then I saw that it was the rule. There is something there that causes rage and anger and fear.

There is something in the system that would cause the New England Puritans to banish families in the middle of winter to die in the snow because they were Baptists.

There is something in the system that demands that some people are enslaved and put in their place.

There is something in the system that says that I am worthy to partake of the body and blood of Christ but you are not since you have not answered all of my questions to my satisfaction.

There is something in the system that sets up a barrier between humans and salvation – only some can enter. You can not.

There is something in the system that says, “God hates the likes of you.”

Every sermon I ever heard about John 3:16 was about how God didn’t REALLY love everyone – and most of the time was on what the world means and how it means people like me and not people like you, because God couldn’t possibly love people like you.

There is something in the system that causes intense fury at the thought that maybe the wrong sort of people might be in heaven.

And now I don’t even know what to say anymore. I’m tired. I hear the stories and I want to go back in time to the little ones who were crushed and broken and left dead at the threshold and bring them the love of Jesus.

And I tried to do that, but now I am also broken and tired and empty and don’t even know what to say anymore.

Jesus said, “Come to me, you who are weary and heavy laden, and I will give you rest.” So I hold to that.

And Jesus also said

“Come out from among them
And be separate, says the Lord.
Do not touch what is unclean,
And I will receive you.”

And so I can no longer be a part of those circles. As long as Greenville Seminary and Southern Baptist Seminary and Masters Seminary are sending out their priests of Ba’al, all I can do is flee and urge the rest of you to flee as well.

It is an ugly time for the church. Across the street, I found some people of God who have not yet bowed the knee, and for that I rejoice. I walk over with my family on Sunday. I sing in the choir. I hear the liturgy. I hear about Jesus and his love.

And so I’ll sit and wait for greener pastures.
And I will sing. And cook. And try to make life a little easier for the people I work with and live with.

And I know that Jesus won’t let me go. I just maybe need to unravel for a bit.

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October 3, 2024 · 6:35 am

Do you want to be made well?

This is edited from a few years back. I hope it brings some peace and clarity.

5 And a certain man was there, who had been thirty-eight years in his sickness.
6 When Jesus saw him lying there, and knew that he had already been a long time in that condition, He said to him, “Do you wish to get well?”
7 The sick man answered Him, “Sir, I have no man to put me into the pool when the water is stirred up, but while I am coming, another steps down before me.”
8 Jesus said to him, “Arise, take up your pallet, and walk.” (John. 5:5-8 NAS)

I read this account a day or two ago and it has been on my mind since then. I don’t know if you have had that experience, where something that the Lord says grabs you and you mull it through your mind. “Do you wish to get well?”

What a question! He’d been unable to walk his whole life. Why would Jesus ask that question?

“Do you wish to get well?”

The philosophers and theologians discuss “Do you have free will?” I was trained in the Reformed tradition but the pop version of TULIP popularized by celebrity preachers who seek preeminence has erased the nuance and depth of the question. The question of will has to do with our humanity.

On the one hand, apart from regeneration, the human will is in bondage to misery and death and needs to be freed from that bondage. Luther has masterfully written of this in his classic “The Bondage of the Will”.

On the other hand, humans are gloriously and wondrously made and loved by God who sent his son to conquer death and sin and misery on the Cross. Christ the victor has destroyed the bondage of sin by his person and his work on the cross. When the stone rolled away and the life blood started flowing again in his body, death was conquered and the captives were set free.

But this is a different question than “Does a person have the ability to will and to choose, and is that choice free?”

Without free will, a human is not a human. I decide if I want to marry this woman or that woman. I decide to love or to hate and to destroy. I choose to hurt or I choose to heal, choose to smile or choose to frown. No one coerces me.

It is not my nature, nor is it the will of God, that places my will in bondage. It is sin. Luther masterfully discusses this in his classic “The Bondage of the Will” so I will not belabor that point any further.

But it is the devil who hates the image of God in me. Being in God’s image, I have the ability to choose – I am not a horse or a mule that must be led about by bit and bridle. It is the hardness of sin that makes me like that. Regeneration sets me free. (Think about Psalm 32:9).

9 Do not be as the horse or as the mule which have no understanding, Whose trappings include bit and bridle to hold them in check, (Ps. 32:9 NAS)

Jesus did not come to make me a horse and a mule, to drag me like a robot and force me to behave. He came to give life and healing. He came to restore and redeem me as a human being, in the image of God.

A man like this one, unable to walk, has been severely limited in choices. He couldn’t even decide to get into the water, for he had no one to help him. He had no strength, no friends, no resources.

Which means that he had very few choices.

Jesus didn’t come to put him in further bondage. He came to set him free. The curse that is on the world took away his voice – who would care about the opinions of a poor crippled beggar? And it took away his choice. He was at the mercy of forces outside of his control.

Jesus came to restore to this man far more than simply the ability to walk. He came to restore the image of God that the curse had taken away. He came to give him back his voice and give him back his will.

“Do you wish to get well?”

“You don’t understand, Jesus. I’ve been here a long time. I don’t have anyone to put me in the pool. I can’t get to the water fast enough. Whether I want to or not, I don’t have the strength.”

“Get up and pick up your bed.” And he was healed.

After he was healed, his will was set free. He picked up his bed and he walked.

Of course, he immediately got into trouble with the Pharisees. Abusers hate when the “sinner” has the gall to speak, or to choose, or to make decisions. Their power is over when the bed is picked up. When Jesus heals, the Pharisee loses control.

And the devil never gives up his kingdom easily.

From this point on, the Jews sought to kill Jesus – because he healed on the Sabbath day – the very day that the prisoner was to be set free, according to the scripture.

“Do you want to be well?” Do you want your voice back? Do you want to be light and salt in the ugly and dark and hateful world? Do you want to know the Sabbath rest and be at peace with God and with the world?

Do you want to be free of rage and free of the ugliness that has been binding you to the ground for so long? Do you want to get up and walk?

Are you ready to fly? Do you want to soar above the petty kingdoms of this world and see where Christ is, at the right hand of God? Do you want to be free from sin? Do you want to be well, to be free of covetousness and the love of money that keeps our heads in the trough so we can’t see the sky.

Jesus didn’t come to make you a horse or a donkey. He came to set you free.

This world and the devil have assaulted your body long enough. You have been denigrated and rejected, hated and mocked and scorned. You have had your choice taken away like the ground under a plow (Psalm 129). That is the curse on this world.

But Jesus’s question is for you: Do you want to be made well?

Speak to him. Tell him how powerless you are. Speak the truth to him. Tell him about how you have tried to overcome, but cannot. The water is too far away, and you are too weak. You have no resources. Your will is bound. Your strength is gone. You are helpless and without hope.

Tell him how long it has been.

He didn’t come for those who think they see. He didn’t come for those who think they walk. He didn’t come for the rich or the powerful or the entitled. He didn’t come for the ones on the top.

He came for the hungry, the oppressed, the afflicted, the widow, the orphan. Those that don’t have the strength to get to the water.

He came for those who have had their choice and their voice taken away. And he wants to hear you. He wants you to be the beautiful, strong, wise, and righteous one that he created you to be.

So here’s the question for you: “Do you want to be made well?”

No one who has come to him for mercy and freedom has ever been turned aside. But as a masterful physician delicately and patiently removes a cancer, so Jesus is patient. Directing, guiding, listening and setting us free.

It isn’t the work of a moment, for then we would be as stumps and stones – programmed robots.

It is the work of a lifetime which will be completed only when we see him face to face. And what a glorious day that will be!

So be patient with yourself and with one another. Practice kindness and generosity. You are not going to cure anyone by telling them what their problems are. They are aware of them far more than you are.

The cancer patient needs an excellent surgeon. And the sinner needs a savior.

Show the compassionate Savior, the Great Physician, in everything you do.

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September 19, 2024 · 5:50 pm

The amazing, astounding, infinite love of God

17…that you, being rooted and grounded in love, 18 may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the width and length and depth and height—19 to know the love of Christ which passes knowledge; that you may be filled with all the fullness of God. Eph 3:17–19.

Jesus loves me, this I know, for the Bible tells me so. (Anna Bartlett Warner)

There are two ways of thinking about God.

The first way is “transactional”. This is the way of Cain. The way of Esau. This is the error that Israel fell into over and over.

It is the thinking of the slave: “If I do things right, I’ll get what I deserve. If I mess up, I’ll get beaten.”

God hates it, because it is a denial of who he is. It makes him into a petty pagan god, dishing out favors to the right kind of people.

And we read all of scripture through those lenses.

“If only those people had made better choices”, we say to ourselves, “better things would have happened to them.”

We do this because we are terrified of bad things happening to us. And ultimately we only trust ourselves to make the choices to protect ourselves.

We will shelter our kids.

We will build bigger barns.

We will eat right and exercise.

We will make right choices.

There isn’t anything wrong with those, except this – we don’t really trust that God loves us and will take care of us as he has promised. So we need a backup plan. That would be my own strength and ability.

After all, we say, “The only one I can really trust is me”

But this is not the God we serve.

The second way is the way of love, a God who seeks and saves, a redeemer who loves us so much more than we can possibly imagine. It is the way that we can only see when God finds us wandering and alone and scared.

Look at Israel. God delivered Israel from their bondage – but they refused to embrace that love, because it required trust. So they made gods that they thought they could control.

If they had the control, then they could protect themselves from enemies, from hunger, from thirst, from wild animals.

And God said, “I will never leave you or forsake you. I will lead you to quiet waters. Be still, and see the salvation of YHWH.”

But they would not. “What if God doesn’t come through?”

And that same error is made by so many. 

If I mess up, God will curse me. If our country messes up, God will curse it.

We have to get rid of sinners, aliens, lay-abouts, single welfare moms. immoral people. Paul calls this way of thinking “the flesh”, because it is natural to human nature.

We have to work hard and take hard stances…Because deep down they view God as an angry, harsh, taskmaster waiting for us to step out of line so he can gleefully cast us into hell.

Popular celebrity preachers take great joy in talking about how happy God is to rid the earth of people like us.

But the flesh always has the same result”

19 Now the works of the flesh are evident, which are: adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lewdness, 20 idolatry, sorcery, hatred, contentions, jealousies, outbursts of wrath, selfish ambitions, dissensions, heresies, 21 envy, murders, drunkenness, revelries, and the like; of which I tell you beforehand, just as I also told you in time past, that those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God. Gal 5:19–21.

It is why we continue to read of the immorality and betrayal of the preachers of the flesh. Do better things, and God will bless you.

But there is no power there. There is no power to change the heart in the law. The power of the flesh always results in tyranny and oppression, as Paul attests.

But scripture says this”

16 For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life. 17 For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world through Him might be saved (Jn 3:16–17).

I was taught to have contempt for this verse. I heard far more sermons on how God can’t mean “everyone in the world” then I heard about the love of God. That is sad.

But Paul’s prayer for his friends in Ephesus was that they might know the amazing, astounding love of God –  so fierce, so powerful, so unyielding, that it has no conditions, for Jesus paid them all already.

So that we can rest. I mean, truly, truly rest.

We no longer have to live in fear and hate. We no longer have to fear that we might pray wrong, and have God zap us.

We no longer have to fear that we might screw up, and God will say, “See. I told you Sam was no good.”

I have spent too much of my time worried that I might get something wrong. So I memorized the answers I was supposed to have.

I parroted the things I was taught, afraid of stepping out of line.

We were afraid that if we raised our kids wrong, or if they read the wrong books or listened to the wrong music, that they would step out of God’s love.

And we forgot the astounding, amazing, infinite love of God.

Read Paul’s letters. Is it actually possible to think too highly of God’s love?

But you can only see it when you reach rock bottom. You can only see it when you are afraid, fleeing, lonely, broken, sinful.

Until then, you think that you deserved God’s love somehow. Unlike those gay fellers. Or those Haitians. Or those women. Or those hippies.

Sure, God can love them too – but only if they cut their hair, learn our ways, learn our language, quit being gay…

And if they don’t, then God will gleefully rid the earth of them so that people like me can  live without being bothered by the likes of them.

If you think this through carefully, you will finally understand the rage of Cain and what caused him to kill Abel. How can God accept that guy?

Or the rage of the Pharisees against Jesus. “How can Messiah eat with those loose women? those tax collectors?”

And then you say, “But Jesus didn’t leave them that way. He changed them… he confronted them”

But the truth is that Jesus loved them before the foundation of the world. His love made them lovers, and he sought his bride and is bringing her home.

It was not the law that made them lovers. It was love. Finally someone who got them, who listened, who loved them as they were, who heard everything about them and still loved them.

“We love him, because he first loved us”.”

And we will always, always, always feel ourselves unworthy of that love. We will always feel that we don’t deserve it. That we didn’t earn it, that we aren’t good enough.

And that is the nature of love. All of that is true.

He didn’t say, “If you do the right things, I will show you my love.”

He says “I came to seek and to save that which was lost.”

That’s you.

That’s me.

And he has found us. And every day he says to his bride (That’s you, if you didn’t get that),

Like a lily among thorns is my darling among the young women. Song of Solomon 2:2

And his bride responds – (again, that is you, if you didn’t get that):

Like an apple tree among the trees of the forest is my beloved among the young men. I delight to sit in his shade, and his fruit is sweet to my taste. Song of Solomon 2:3

Sit in his shade. He is the God of Manna. He provides all that we need, because he loves us, not because we earned it. He is returning us to Eden, with the trees laden with fruit that line both sides of the river of life!

Stop thinking like a slave, and think like a child.

O the deep, deep love of Jesus!

Every day in eternity you will meditate and know and feel the love of Christ and never exhaust it!

He loves us. He delights in us. He takes joy in us. He sings over us. He makes us beautiful because he clothes us in his garments and washes us by his blood and spirit.

And he crowns us with jewels and gold and precious stones, far greater than anything we can imagine.

But, “The bride eyes not her garment, but her dear bridegrooms face. I will not gaze at glory, but on my king of grace.”

This is love. This is the vast, unmeasured, boundless, inexhaustible sea of love.

Don’t turn that into a petty pagan god, issuing crumbs from his stingy fingers as long as we perform right.

Instead, rest in his love.

 

 

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September 12, 2024 · 8:27 am

Nine things–on contempt, cats and cowardice

1. Don’t hide who you are from people who will only love those who are part of their circle. Their circle isn’t worth it, you will eventually be outed anyway, but you might lose a piece of yourself in the process.

2. No matter how tempting it is, don’t lick a cat. You will both regret it.

3. If you only listen to those who think, vote, believe, pray and act like you do, you will be impoverished and closed up in yourself.

4. A very wise man once defined sin as being closed up within yourself. Plato called it a cave.

5. When a father is contemptuous and full of rage for those who are not like him, he teaches his sons and daughters to hide who they are, rather than face his anger and contempt. Eventually they will either hide who they are, or be rejected anyway.

6. Listen to the outcasts. They have seen things.

7. It is easier to pour contempt on those who you don’t understand than it is to seek to understand them. This is the whole of right wing MAGA politics.

8. It is natural to be afraid of a bear separated from her cub. It is natural to be afraid of a drunken man behind the wheel. It is natural to be fearful and anxious about the unknown. But when you are afraid of your neighbor because someone on TV said they might eat your cat, you have fallen into a very ugly world. It is this kind of fear that separates us from the love of God. (Rev. 21:8)

9. If you decide to lick your cat, I won’t throw you out. I might ask you why. I will listen to your answer. I might learn something about you that I might find endearing and enriching. But I won’t lick my cat.

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August 29, 2024 · 7:51 am

Walking each other home

My wife has a quote on her wall that goes something like this:

“We are all just walking each other home.”

I like that. It is a great perspective.

I have spoken enough of my experiences in Reformed Churches. I still believe that the creeds of the reformation were excellent for their times. They did what any of the best human documents can do – point to Christ in the culture they were written in – and they did it excellently.

I haven’t changed my classical theology, and I am grateful for it.

But somewhere along the way, conservative churches lost track of the gospel. They forgot about walking the wounded home to Christ, and made it their goal to tell everyone what was wrong with them. They took the doctrine of inerrancy and fashioned it into a club to beat one another into submission. The object of their worship became power instead of Christ.

There are reasons for that, which I will get into another time.

I ask forgiveness for the part I played in that. It did no good at all. No one has ever been shamed into the kingdom of God.

One step further – I believe in the Holy Spirit. I was recently accused of “going rogue” since I left the RCUS because I didn’t have any “brothers” to reign me in.

My first response is that I never had that to begin with. I had evil and twisted false witnesses making up accusations and finding reasons to dis-fellowship me, but I never once had an engagement with a “brother”. Not one of my accusers ever spoke to me nor did my former denomination ever correspond with me at all, before or after my trial.

So the impression that I left behind concerned brothers is not a correct impression, and I needed to correct it.

That being said, I still have a few wonderful friends in my former denomination, who have expressed concern for my welfare and I thank God for them, and do not at all wish to downplay their Christ-like behavior. There were a handful who worked hard to try to preserve my good name, make sure I was provided for, and gave me prayerful support and help.

Since I have moved to Faribault, I have visited several churches and met many wonderful people. I will always remember them fondly and keep them in my prayers. I am thankful for the opportunity to minister to them, and for their ministry to me.

So all of that out of the way – here is my announcement:

My family and I have found a church home! The three of us all came to that conclusion separately, without any pressure from one another. The Holy Spirit led us to our new church home.

The lead pastor spoke of his belief in the conscience and the power of the Holy Spirit, so he does not feel the need to acts as a busybody over the affairs of others.

The sermons have been fantastic. The hymns are moving and wonderful (mostly old Reformation Hymns, with some more modern ones) and we love the liturgy. The scripture reading, the creeds, the sacraments, the prayers, the responses.

I met with the pastors with some questions for myself. They believe that the new theology of “eternal subordination” is weird, and have never heard it before. Their Christology is orthodox and Nicean, unlike most modern conservative churches influenced by Complementarianism.

They have never heard of Doug Wilson, don’t give a fig what MacArthur has to say and don’t promote “Biblical Counseling” or threaten excommunication for those who seek therapists.

And this was a big one for me – they are active in the community. We just put together school bags for children who are needing supplies. We actively support food banks, shelters, and all the other things that would cause me to be accused of being “woke”.

I don’t care. If “woke” means compassionate, empathetic, respectful and loving, safeguarding the dignity of all human beings and their stories, then I proudly embrace it. My daughter is embraced (not physically, because she can’t deal with physical touch) and welcomed. The church is right across the street and she walks over for Bible studies, and group meetings or just to sit and sing and pray and she is welcomed, and no one has ever told her what she should be like.

So today I carried our papers to the church office and Susan and I officially became members of First English Lutheran (a member of the ELCA).

For those of you who are now concerned about the affirming and egalitarian position of the ELCA, I appreciate your concern. Most likely you belong to a church where women can’t vote in congregational meetings or read the Bible in church, so follow your conscience and I will follow mine. I will always side with liberty of conscience and the power of the Holy Spirit and the dignity of men and women.

I have just lost the urge to continually tell others what to believe or how to think. I want the world to know Jesus.

I want the world to know that “Whoever calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.”

And if it is a choice between the ugly, hateful cauldron that the conservative, complementarian churches have become, and proclaiming the love of God to everyone who walks through the door, I will choose love and leave correction (if needed) in the hands of the Holy Spirit who knows far more that I do.

He knows about your abuse, your background, your family dynamics, your brokenness, your sin, your gifts, your beauty, your excellent qualities and the cancers that eat away in this sin-filled world.

He is far better equipped to cure the cancer, drive out the demons, and heal our tumultuous emotions and loves and hates without destroying our humanity, our imago dei, our will, our beauty and our gifts.

So I am OK leaving it with Him.

And instead of a political position, I will eat the bread and drink the wine of the Lord’s Table, and confess to the world:

I believe in God the Father almighty, creator of heaven and earth

I believe in Jesus Christ, his only begotten Son, our Lord

Who was conceived by the Holy Spirit, born of the virgin Mary, suffered under Pontius Pilate, was crucified, dead, and was buried. He descended to the dead.

On the third day He rose from the dead. He ascended into heaven and sits at the right hand of God the Father almighty. From there he will come to judge the living and the dead.

I believe in the Holy Spirit. The holy catholic church, the communion of saints, the forgiveness of sins, the resurrection of the body, and the life everlasting

Amen.

So instead of throwing stones at one another, and continually telling everyone what is wrong with them, let’s just walk each other home, to where Jesus is, sitting and reigning at the right hand of God.

He’s got this. Walk with me, won’t you?

For those who are now overwhelmed with the urge to tell me everything that is wrong with me, believe me, I know better than you do, so please just save your words.

Thanks for listening.

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August 19, 2024 · 4:50 pm

Smiling Wives, Obedient Children and Shostakovich

One of my favorite composers is Dmitri Shostakovich. He wrote his most famous and most moving works in Stalinist Russia. His masterpiece (in my humble opinion) is his fifth symphony, composed in Leningrad in 1937. It was triumphantly received and he became the darling composer of the communist regime.

But it was forced. The symphony is brilliant because on one level, the final movement seems like a joyous, triumphant march. It was interpreted as such by the powers that be and they loved it. The triumph of communist youth in the world.

But Shostakovich had a deeper message. He interprets it himself years later.

The rejoicing is forced, created under threat, as in Boris Godunov. It’s as if someone were beating you with a stick and saying, “Your business is rejoicing, your business is rejoicing”, and you rise, shaky, and go marching off, muttering, “Our business is rejoicing, our business is rejoicing.”

You can beat someone with a stick and teach them the rote memorization of the law: “Your business is rejoicing, your business is rejoicing”. And if your gulags are terrifying enough, you will have compliance.

But you will not have love. You also will not have the obedience that God delights in. There is a difference between a slave and a son (or daughter).

In a recent flyer for a church plant (CREC, of course), I saw this and immediately thought of Shostakovich.

May be an image of text

I’ve lived that kind of “obedience”. The only way to achieve it is with a very large stick. The children cower behind the wife with a smile plastered on her face while the husband makes the rounds. She usually has stomach problems, ulcers, chronic pain, anxiety – but dare not allow the pain to show. The children used to scream and try to run whenever they saw the building, but they since have learned to keep their feelings to themselves. Now they just look scared and empty.

She will never break her smile to face her brokenness or deal with her pain and loneliness because she is too frightened.

And the children will finally break free when they are big enough to fend for themselves and want nothing more to do with Christianity, because they thought that this was what Christianity was.

But it isn’t. It’s what Paul calls the letter of the law written on stone. It is Shostakovich’s big stick – “Your business is rejoicing!”

And it kills.

It is funny to me how the conservative evangelical right wing church, on one hand so terrified of being taken over by commies that they cower in fear of elections, have become so similar to the chief communist dictator. Stalin would rather have the front of those rejoicing under threat than deal with any affront to his own power. This is the heart of Project 2025.

Sound familiar? “Your business is rejoicing!”

Smiling wives, obedient children, large sticks, human corpses waiting for a resurrection – pasting smiles on their faces in terror while the journalists from the west are touring.

How many of you have experienced church just like this: Paste your smile on. Terrify your children into staying small, quiet, “well-behaved”, and don’t you DARE let anyone know what you are actually thinking.

Home is the gulag. Church is the show.

When you see this and you see it used as an advertisement, you know something about the group:

1. They aren’t a church. The church is where wives sometimes weep and children are safe to ask questions and men are humble and all rely on the cross of Jesus, not manmade rules. Widows and single moms and addicts and those with broken sexuality and hurting bodies and confused minds come to find life, not to learn how to paste a smile on.

2. You know that they don’t understand the resurrection. The day will come when God will wipe all tears away, and today is not that day. As long as we are in this body of death we weep and mourn and hurt and comfort one another, longing for a resurrection.

3. And this is the big one. You know that beneath the smiles and obedience is someone with a very large stick. “Your business is rejoicing”.

4. They don’t know Jesus. Jesus never shamed the weeping woman, or the crying child, or the restless teenager. He came to save sinners, not to bring a stick to beat them with.

This stuff and these people have the smell of death, which is why they hate the cross. It is death to those who are dying.

But it is life to those who are ready to be free.It is life and peace to the one who weeps, the one who mourns, the one who is poor, the one who hungers and thirsts after righteousness.

But the one who is rich he sends away empty.

They are fine going away without Christ, anyway. Because the Jesus they want is one who knows how to keep the women in place, the kids quiet and out of the way, the men masculine and horny, and the girls pliable and under control, and the right politicians in power.

But this Jesus is just a figment of imagination. When they see that the least is the greatest, and the greatest is the one who serves and that there is only room for sinners at the table, the “rich man” scoffs and wants nothing to do with a Jesus who would hang out with people like that.

People like publicans and sinners. People with mental health struggles. People who are real and wounded and come for healing, people who cause fusses and make messes, and weep and mourn.

Jesus, the eternal Son of God, came to free those who are imprisoned by the big stick of the law. He came to teach us how to mourn, how to sing, how to laugh, how to cry out, and how to dance.

He desires, above all, that all of his children are released to be free. Free to feel. Free to speak the truth. Free to love. Free to exercise gifts and invest talents. Free to wiggle and to cry and hurt.

He came so that we might cry “Abba, Father!”

Yes, even the women. Even the children. Even the men.

I, for one, am sick of the peddlers of death under the guise of Christian pastors, and pray for their days to be short.

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August 15, 2024 · 6:44 pm

Does it turn out well?

I’m not sure I know how to write anymore. I sit down and try to get pixels on the screen, and my thoughts blur. My former life seems so long ago and I wonder if I even should write, what I would say, would anyone care, is there even a point…

Five years ago today, I created a small group of friends and shared with them a prayer request:

I’m just sharing this with a small group – those who are less likely to fill my page with adverts for essential oil and pressed juices…

Anyway, please pray for our daughter Margaret.

Right now she is in the hospital with seizures, pain, fever, headache, nausea – etc.

She’s also “altered” for want of a better word. Just not quite herself. She doesn’t respond like she normally does, and is very, very lethargic – mostly sleeping.

Just to explain one thing a little, she hasn’t checked her phone for about 18 hours.

Last night, she lost awareness of her surroundings and was unable to communicate with us for quite a while. That has come back, she knows we are here, but still isn’t really tracking.

Her fever stays high and they can’t find any cause.

She’s had 2 CT scans, EKG, EEG, tons of blood work, xray, etc, etc. and so far there is very little to go on.

Right now we are waiting for the Doc. Since she can’t advocate for herself, one of us is here all the time. Susan just went home to sleep and I am here now…We’ll tag-team it.

The admitting doctor suspects that she will be here through Sunday.

Five years ago. We didn’t know it at the time, but this was to be a long journey. For the next six weeks, we sat by her bed not knowing if she would live or die. All that the doctors could do was wait and see.

She had a virus that made its way into her brain and started killing off the tissues. About 40% of what used to be there is now just dead tissue. She had a 20% chance of survival.

But she lived, and now she has permanent brain damage. Many of you followed our journey.

Later on, one of the elders of my church rebuked me for staying by her bedside instead of keeping office hours.

He also told me that I asked for prayer too much, and that everyone had problems…

I wondered what it was about conservative, right-wing religion that hardens the heart so much.

I also started my journey into the mysteries of the brain and the personality and anxiety and regulation and holy crap how did we get so arrogant as to think that the problems of the world could be solved with making better choices?

Like I said – I don’t think I can write anymore. I feel shriveled and empty. My wife just thinks I need to take a break…but I try to process by writing.

So many things that I was so sure of evaporated during those 6 weeks, and the five years after that. I realized that behavior was far more complicated than our dogma declared it to be.

We mock the homeless and think that if they only weren’t sinners then they wouldn’t be homeless.

If single moms learned how to be chaste, they wouldn’t have to take my hard-earned money for food stamps (Yes, I actually heard that).

If victims quit being victims and just got on with life, we could all move on and pretend like everything was going to turn out all right.

What was she wearing? What were they eating? What were they drinking? Did they homeschool the kids, raise them right?

“Who sinned? This man or his parents that he was born blind?”

But watching my girl in the hospital I started asking myself questions.

What does one do when the part of the brain that interprets data isn’t there anymore?

What does one do when the part of the brain that takes in the stimuli from the outside world is twisted and inaccurate?

What does one do when the part of the brain that tells you that you are in danger gets stuck and you can’t unstick it?

What if you have no way to regulate shame, anxiety, worry, emotions and just end up screaming because you don’t know what is happening to you?

And through that process of thought, it occurred to me that the way the modern church uses the Bible is not the right way.

Let me explain – Jesus told the Pharisees this:

“You study the Scriptures diligently because you think that in them you have eternal life. These are the very Scriptures that testify about me, yet you refuse to come to me to have life.”  (Jn 5:39–40.)

Humanity’s natural religion tells us that if we do good things, good things will happen. If we make good choices, everything will turn out OK. God blesses those who obey, and his curse lies on those who don’t obey.

It is deeply engrained in us for we are image-bearers of God, we were created that way.

The problem is, that we are fallen and subject to death. All of us have fallen short of the glory of God. The way to Eden is blocked and now we all are outcasts.

But we still think like Cain does. If we could just find the right formula, the right sacrifice, the right choice to make, we could enter into God’s favor again.

The Pharisees believed that as well. They would even say, “I thank God I am not like other men…” giving a nod to grace.

But ultimately everything is a transaction. Do this, and good with come. And that colored everything about how they read the bible.

Gay people? Stone them. That will fix it.

Adulterer? Moses said she should be stoned. What about you?

Transgender people? God made male and female. Obey. That will fix it.

Cut of the hand. Pluck out the eye. Chop off the foot. Drive them back into hiding.

Anxious people. DON’T BE ANXIOUS!

Worried people. DON’T WORRY!

I remember a minister in my former denomination preaching on spiritual comfort. He had a contemptuous sneer on his face while he called down shame on those who struggled with taking comfort in the gospel. “How dare you!” he would shout.

I think he thought that would actually work.

They searched the scripture. Found a verse to apply to the situation. Declared it to be fixed.

I saw an app the other day. You would look up your problem, and the app would point you to a Bible verse. That will fix it. If you are still angry, hurt, sad, depressed, discouraged, sick – then you must not have enough faith.

If you do things right, all will be well.

The problem is, as Jesus told the Pharisees, they missed the point of the whole thing, because they missed Christ. Jesus didn’t come to lead us to Moses.

How can anyone read the purity laws of the Old Testament without fear and terror? Who will escape the stoning? Who will escape the slaughter, the shame, the horror. Does the book of Leviticus fill you with love and peace and joy? Or does it cause you to look for a Redeemer?

Do you know how many animals were killed when Solomon dedicated the temple? Do you know what that would have smelled like?

Which parent would take glee in denouncing their child and casting the first stone against him? Do you want killing fields outside of your town?

Do we gather the townspeople together to watch the public burnings, brandings, disfigurements, amputations?

The curse of the law is exactly that – Satan’s weapon against humanity. And before Christ came into the world, the world delighted in law and order.

Impalings, tortures, crucifixions, beheadings, scourging…

Which one of us would be able to stomach a crucifixion or a stoning? Jesus said, “Let the one without sin cast the first stone.” And that’s the problem, isn’t it?

What kind of cruelty drives the heart that wants to bring back the law? Will it excuse you? The stones that you throw today turn against you tomorrow.

Which law will you pass that will put an end to gayness? Transgender people? Broken sexuality?

Can people just decide not to do it anymore?

Why would we delight in driving people back into hiding when God says, “Where are you? Come out. Talk to me.”

The law brings death. The curse of the law is a weapon in the hands of the One who Enslaves Humanity – Satan himself. He temps us to sin, then denounces us with the curse of the law. HOW DARE YOU – he shouts.

And the other side of the coin – if we could just free ourselves from the sinners, all will be well. No matter what the problem is, you will find a verse in the Old Testament that calls for it to be put to death.

I’m reading the law again. It is good for me, because it points me to Christ. But it is hard going. Who wants to live in a world without Christ?

Who wants to live in a world where stoning, impaling, crucifying, floggings, degradation, shame, are used as weapons under the guise of law and order?

Moses didn’t bring about a world that anyone would want to live in. Moses showed the world what the curse of the law looks like, in all of its ugliness and shame. And even then, with the “perfect law”, every still died. Everyone went into exile. Everyone suffered as slaves.

It’s like God was saying to all of us – you want to follow the religion of Cain, the religion of “Do this and live”? This is how it ends. Read the end of Judges. Read the end of the Kings. This is how the curse of the law ends.

And then Moses showed us Jesus in pictures and stories, and taught the faithful how to yearn.

“O that salvation would come out of Zion!”

Because all scripture points to Christ. The impalings, the stonings, the shame, the pain, the death – he touched it and took all of it on himself and crushed the head of the serpent, putting an end to the curse of the law.

So why would anyone want to go back?

I told you I had a problem getting my thoughts down. Bear with me…

If righteousness could come by the law, the Christ died in vain.

Jesus lived a perfect life on this earth, without sin. And it didn’t turn out well for him. He was crucified, he died. He was buried.

This is the result of the curse of the law, and he bore it all. He took Satan’s weapon on himself, and through it crushed the Enemy’s head, and took that weapon away.

And then he rose from the dead.

We don’t need more people shouting “How dare you” at us. We need a resurrection.

Our brains are far more complex than we imagine. The motives, the desires, the longings, the wiring, the experiences and the culture that human beings dwell in effect everything about us.

I think, in my meandering way, winding along a river of thought, that Maggie illustrates this pretty well. There were those who told her everything she needed to do to get better. Just be productive. Quit being anxious. Pray more. But those things just lead to death.

She can’t process any of that. She still blacks out. She still has panic attacks and anxiety. She still is physically hurt when lights go on suddenly or sounds hit the wrong frequency. She still has Tourette’s and tics and vocal noises. And none of this can be fixed by anything under the sun. She doesn’t need the law or its curse.

She needs a resurrection.

Just like all of us.

And now, five years later, we get small glimpses of future resurrected Maggie when the light shines through. When the age to come bursts through the age of death that we are in. It comes in the moments when she sits on the lawn in her special spot singing hymns to her bunny. When she waters the flowers for the fire fighters across the street. When she bakes cookies for the police department. When she says, “I pray for youuuuu”.

And when she cries and lashes out and wants to die and does it all publicly on Facebook, it is easy for many to think about the law, and maybe wonder why she doesn’t make better choices. And then, you shamefully see (maybe) that those things are not the heart of Maggie. Those things are the Powers that hold her in bondage, waiting for the Lord of Lords to cast them out and set her free.

And so, like everyone else, we wait for the resurrection and long for the Groom to come and claim his bride. We wait for his embrace, just like everyone else.

We make our choices. Some are OK. All are tainted with sin. We have moments of light in the darkness. And we have pain and suffering and loss. And those things won’t go away until Jesus casts the powers of darkness and the curse of the law into the lake of fire where it belongs, and what is left is Love.

Come quickly, Lord Jesus.

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